posted by geeblock

I grew up thinking  it was not classy to have anything but a single stone, but since im not the one wearing it...

I don't think it's not classy, it's just personal preference. 

posted by SportsAndLady

Yeah keep thinking that Lol

Will do! Thanks.

posted by queencitybuckeye

No idea about the legalities, but understood that the proper thing depended on who broke up with whom (if he ended it, she keeps the ring and vice versa).

There is a lot to this. Conditional/unconditional gift meanings.

Good breakdown here -- https://www.primermagazine.com/2013/learn/legally-speaking-who-gets-the-engagement-ring-if-the-wedding-is-called-off

posted by ernest_t_bass

Sports, if you want to drop that kinda coin on a ring, that's all you.  Who am I to judge you for doing that?  But who TF are you to judge others for not basing their love on an expensive material possession?  What's next?  You going to buy fully loaded Benz over a more practical car (for the wife), just b/c more money = more love?

Why do you guys keep saying basing  love off of a ring? It has nothing to do with love. You’re just buying an asset. You’re not throwing away money when you buy a ring. 

The only judgment I’ve had is cracking fun at someone for spending $750 on a ring. At that point, you might as well just not buy a ring. 

posted by SportsAndLady

You’re just buying an asset. You’re not throwing away money when you buy a ring. 

 

Unless you're planning on selling, you may be right in theory, but not as a practical matter.

posted by queencitybuckeye

No idea about the legalities, but understood that the proper thing depended on who broke up with whom (if he ended it, she keeps the ring and vice versa).

you'd think that'd be the case, but it doesn't always work out that way

Let's be real here. The only reason to spend a lot on a ring is so the woman can tell her friends and family, which some will translate to the "omg he spent that, he must really love you!"

The key is to find someone who doesn't value what I just quoted, which is rare these days.

posted by SportsAndLady

Is this for real? $749 ring? Why even buy a ring? Why not just propose to her and say “sorry honey I don’t have a ring because  I don’t believe in spending money on my fiancé”

100% true. the ring means dick, what the ring stands for means everything. we both thought and think that. my ring was a $150 POS that i lost after like 2 months, we replaced it with a heavier ring that i have kept, but 90% of the time i wear nothing. 

posted by Automatik

Let's be real here and I'll reiterate. The only reason to spend a lot on a ring is so the woman can tell her friends and family, which some will translate to the "omg he spent that, he must really love you!"

The key is to find someone who doesn't value what I just quoted, which is rare these days.

I don’t think so at all (your last sentence). Why is it so bad that my fiancé gets happy that I spent money on a ring so that she can flaunt it around (when asked..she wouldn’t do it unless asked about it)? My fiancé didn’t ask for an expensive ring, I got her one because I knew it would make her happy  

I think ETB’s and OSH’s problem is they think it’s a waste to buy something expensive for their SO, whereas I want to becuase it makes her happy. 

I had no idea what my husband spent on my ring until 6 months after he proposed, and that was only because I lost it (😳😩) and we had to deal with the insurance company and jeweler to get a new one. 

Cost didn't matter to me. What made me happiest was that he helped design it.

Of course she didn't ask, but I'd bet every dollar I have that she implied and dropped hints along the way. 

There's nothing wrong with wanting to flaunt it. I'd prefer to be with someone who wasn't that way. I'd take that 10k and travel the world. Different strokes.....

Also, the 3 month rule is absurd. I'm not spending 25% of my yearly salary on a ring for that price i could buy a fucking car. if my wife's ring is lost/stolen/destroyed, who gives a shit. i'll just go buy a new one. i think these dummies in my generation that spend 10k on a ring and, then insurance on the ring for life are stupid. 

posted by SportsAndLady

I don’t think so at all (your last sentence). Why is it so bad that my fiancé gets happy that I spent money on a ring so that she can flaunt it around (when asked..she wouldn’t do it unless asked about it)? My fiancé didn’t ask for an expensive ring, I got her one because I knew it would make her happy  

I think ETB’s and OSH’s problem is they think it’s a waste to buy something expensive for their SO, whereas I want to becuase it makes her happy. 

Would she have been as happy getting engaged with a $4000 ring?

posted by Automatik

 

The key is to find someone who doesn't value what I just quoted, which is rare these days.

I was extremely fortunate. The money being discussed here is more than we needed for a down payment to build our first house. There is no question which one my wife preferred.

posted by Automatik

Let's be real here. The only reason to spend a lot on a ring is so the woman can tell her friends and family, which some will translate to the "omg he spent that, he must really love you!"

The key is to find someone who doesn't value what I just quoted, which is rare these days.

I did not tell my wife how much I spent. She still doesn't know (been almost 5 years). You can tell it is quality when looking at it, but she wouldn't really have been able to tell the difference had I spent a few thousand less either.

The custom band was the biggest thing she "wanted". Kind of a rope crossover looking thing (knocked off Davis Yurman). 

posted by justincredible

Would she have been as happy getting engaged with a $4000 ring?

Yes

Also, just to clarify....I'm probably in the minority regarding my thoughts on marriage, weddings, ring, etc. 

I just think the money people are willing to spend on the whole package is fucking insane. 

If I ever were to get married, ideally I'd stroll into the court house with my immediate family and closest friends, sign the papers, party my ass off, then leave for an epic trip the next morning.

posted by SportsAndLady

I think ETB’s and OSH’s problem is they think it’s a waste to buy something expensive for their SO, whereas I want to becuase it makes her happy. 

Negative.  My wife isn't materialistic.  Are you familiar with the "Five Love Languages"?  It's a stupid book.  Anyway, gift giving (material things) is the last of the 5 for my wife.  She appreciates gifts, yes, but she puts greater value on intangible things.

Hope this helps.

posted by justincredible

Would she have been as happy getting engaged with a $4000 ring?

That's preposterous!! 

posted by Automatik

If I ever were to get married, ideally I'd stroll into the court house with my immediate family and closest friends, sign the papers, party my ass off, then leave for an epic trip the next morning.

We had about 20 family and friends, had the reception at home. The epic trip was a long weekend to Sandusky/Put-in-Bay as I had just changed jobs and didn't have the time off.

posted by justincredible

Would she have been as happy getting engaged with a $4000 ring?

posted by SportsAndLady

Yes

In my opinion, then, the ring was more about you, than it was her.  
 

posted by Automatik

Also, just to clarify....I'm probably in the minority regarding my thoughts on marriage, weddings, ring, etc. 

I just think the money people are willing to spend on the whole package is fucking insane. 

 

Agreed. 

posted by Automatik

Also, just to clarify....I'm probably in the minority regarding my thoughts on marriage, weddings, ring, etc. 

I just think the money people are willing to spend on the whole package is fucking insane. 

If I ever were to get married, ideally I'd stroll into the court house with my immediate family and closest friends, sign the papers, party my ass off, then leave for an epic trip the next morning.

If I were to do it all over again, yes, this would be the way to go. I don't know the final tally spent on our wedding (her parents paid for most), but I know it was a stupid amount that would've been a nice downpayment on a house. But we were young and dumb, so whatever.

posted by ernest_t_bass

 

posted by SportsAndLady

Yes

In my opinion, then, the ring was more about you, than it was her.  
 

 

This isn't very difficult to understand. Some people put higher priorities on things than others. I wanted to buy my fiance' a nice ring because a) she's awesome and b) she would enjoy the compliments. You wouldn't want to spend a lot on your SO because you're cheap and you actually believe your SO when she says she doesn't like gifts. 

IMO, cheap and wise are synonymous when it comes to financial matters on most things.

posted by Automatik

If I ever were to get married, ideally I'd stroll into the court house with my immediate family and closest friends, sign the papers, party my ass off, then leave for an epic trip the next morning.

This thread really went down the rabbit hole. But I think a wedding is a way better waste than a ring. I cringe thinking about how much we spent/ were given by our parents.