Divorce

• Fab4Runner

  

  How many OCers have been divorced, or have parents who are divorced? Did it fuck your life up?
  
  I haven't been married (womp, womp), but my parents divorced when I was under two years old. I don't remember it at all. My mom remarried and had my younger brother and sister, but divorced their dad when I was about 7 (cue jokes about my mom being a tramp, etc.). I do remember that one, but it did not effect me in any negative way. I am actually happy that my mom is not with my dad or her second husband. She has been married to my current stepdad for 16 years, and I can't picture them ever splitting up. That would be very tough to deal with if it ever happened. Same with my dad, who has been married to my stepmom for over 20 years.
  
  
  I do have a friend whose parents divorced when she was young (but old enough to remember), and she is adamant that it has had a huge negative effect on her life. She had some issues in school, has had issues with drugs, and has dated literally THE WORST bunch of dudes I have ever seen. Maybe it really was the divorce that fucked her up mentally and emotionally and led to some of it. I really don't know since I can't relate.
• sleeper

  

  Parents divorced. Never had anything but a positive impact on my life.
• robj55

  

  Never been married, parents have been married for nearly 30 years but they probably should have divorced several times lol Props to them for perseverance I guess.
• justincredible

  

  My parents divorced when I was 5. The divorce didn't fuck up my life, but there were some events post-divorce that I still have trouble dealing with at times over 20 years later. My relationship with my fathers side of the family is essentially non-existent at this point.
• HitsRus

  

  I don't think there is a simple answer to that question, but undoubtedly something that disturbs the tranquility and stability of a child's life can and will have a negative effect. Divorce most certainly can cause that, but that disturbance can occur within a married household, too. Likewise, parents who divorce can minimize the trauma to children also, so I really think how it's handled really determines the effect on the children.
  I think the thing to realize is that children are very vulnerable to instability between the people they love the most and depend on.
• BR1986FB

  I've been divorced and my mother and father divorced when I was 10. My divorce didn't really effect me and my father f#cked me up (mentally) long before they decided to divorce.
• ZWICK 4 PREZ

  

  sleeper;1707807 wrote:Parents divorced.

  makes sense now
• ohiobucks1

  

  Never married, parents love each other.
  
  
  Seriously though, I have had friends who have had divorced parents and turned out perfect, and others who were permanently fucked up. I think it has a lot to do with how the parents handle the breakup and whether or not they put their kids well-being at the for front, or not.
• Commander of Awesome

  

  Parents divorced when I was 2. Way better for me in the long run.
  
  The divorce didn't mess me up at all, but like justin, some events post divorce I'm still dealing with 20+ yrs later.
  
  One specific way it effected me is I'm pretty marriage isn't for me. Been with my GF 5 yrs (lived together 3 yrs) and I'm no closer to marrying her now, then when we first met. We're mostly happy, don't want to fuck that up. I'm content with that, don't really believe in marriage TBH.
  
  Thinking about it now, other way it's effected me I think is I care more about, and am way closer to my friends than my family (Mother aside). I really DGAF about 80% of my family.
• sleeper

  

  ZWICK 4 PREZ;1707815 wrote:makes sense now

  Glad I can provide some clarity.
• sportchampps

  My parents were happily married until my dad passed away. When he passed away I couldn't imagine my mom dating someone but she has met a guy who makes her happy and treats her well so good for her.
  
  My brother got divorced when his daughter was 2. He found out she was cheating on him. My niece is an awesome person and great student but I would have to guess if affected her. I Say that because her mom is a giant ****. they have joint custody and when she was younger her mom wouls pawn her off on her grandma and grandpa instead of watching her. Her mom make her quit select soccer because she didn't want to drive her to practice when she had her. She's 15 now and she's a popular outgoing good student but I'm sure she remembers going thru all of this.
• Dr. KnOiTaLL

  

  My parents are together to this day (35 years) and their marriage is stronger than ever, but they very easily could have gotten divorced several times. They've fought for their marriage, and I'm a better person/husband as a result. Not to say that there weren't a couple times where I was devastatingly certain they would get divorced, by the grace of God they found ways to forgive and move forward. I've never really talked about it much, and many people who know me very well would have no idea that my parents went through this when I was younger. While it sucked to go through it as a child, I've learned the importance of commitment and forgiveness as a result of my parents, and for that, I would never want to take the experiences back (even though I'm sure my parents would).
• Iliketurtles

  

  My mom and dad were never married. Dad left when I was like 5. Mom remarried when I was 8 to a POS dude. They got divorced after 11 years. I'd say I am the way I am moreso due to just the "Dad" figure never being there/being a complete piece of shit. But I've never really let it effect me. I've made some dumb choices in my life but I wouldn't blame it on that.
  
  As for myself I've been married for 1 year and a half and am very happy. Don't ever plan on getting divorced but who knows shit happens.
• bigkahuna

  I was married for 3.5 years 2009-2013 It did mess me up for awhile. I was 23, when I got married and now think it was way too young. I'm not afraid to admit that I was a male victim of domestic abuse. I was punched, kicked, and spat on several times. She also made fun of my weight. The biggest thing was that we found my biological father, and unbeknownst to me, he is black. After that, I was told several times "I wish I would have known you were black before we got married." After the divorce, I was much better physically but not so much mentally.
  
  My gf now went through a divorce around the same time, and I feel like it's going to mess her kids up in the end. Their biological father often tells them that their mother and I don't love them and that they need to remember to tell a judge that they want to live with him when he gets older. He's also exposed them to some VERY inappropriate things. The worst thing is probably telling the 3 year old girl(at the time) that she's fat. This has all been documented, so hopefully it can get taken care of legally, but I'm afraid the mental damage has already been done.
• 4cards

  

  ...I'll be married 35 years in September and it's never been nor will it ever be easy. Marriage is a work in progress with more challenges than you can possibly think of when you're young and say " I do". My kids have seen my wife and I have fights (almost broke up twice) but we found a way to make it work & I guess that's the secret to staying with someone for life and I hope both my kids have wonderfull experiences with their spouses and do their best to find happieness in their marriages.
• Belly35

  

  Married for 44 years, three daughters and a good wife and life.
  I was born on a kitchen counter top and given up at birth to a relative… the end
• Old Rider

  

  I have seen divorce affect friends of mine both positively and negatively. I think it really comes down to the parents not being assholes to one another after the divorce. When kids are involved it tough. I have been married for 13 years, have 4 boys and many times have thought about telling my wife to GFO...She comes from divorced parents...mine have been married for 45 years. She was negatively affected by not having her dad in her life. She says it didn't fuck her up....but it did.
  My best friend's parents divorced when he was in middle school and they continued a friendly relationship...much closer after they split up, then when they were together. My buddy said it was much better after they divorced because he didn't have to witness all the verbal abuse that his mom/dad gave each other.
• Heretic

  

  Parents stayed married. I played that game for a few years, but it didn't work out. And I'm a lot happier without that anchor dragging me down.
• majorspark

  

  My parents divorced when I was around ten. Mom left Dad and he got custody of my younger brothers and I. It cost my brothers and I a strong relationship with my Mom because we did not live with her and only saw her every other weekend. Has had some affect on my relationship with my my wife(been married over 22yrs though). It's not fucked up my life but it was definitely a negative impact on it.
• DeyDurkie5

  

  Belly35;1707850 wrote:Married for 44 years, three daughters and a good wife and life.
  I was born on a kitchen counter top and given up at birth to a relative… the end

  What does being born on a counter top have to do with divorce?
• Mulva

  

  Wouldn't you need to live a parallel life where the divorce didn't take place to know whether or not it helped?
• rydawg5

  DeyDurkie5;1707887 wrote:What does being born on a counter top have to do with divorce?

  If your born on laminate, it's a bad sign?
• thavoice

  rydawg5;1707892 wrote:If your born on laminate, it's a bad sign?

  Sllightly above being born on the bathroom floor at sizzler.
• Ironman92

  

  I think some of us need a review on "affect/effect"
  
  Anyways my parent likely married younger than any of your parents and it last 23 years.....I was long out of the house and already had a toddler. It really didn't affect me at all but my sister was much younger and the effects on her are more apparent.
  
  I have not been divorced.
• mcburg93

  

  Parents divorced when I was nine. They got back together when I was ten and been together ever since. Not sure if it made me a lunatic or not. I will let everyone know if/when I do some fucked up shit.