Divorce

• justincredible

  

  Ironman92;1707921 wrote:I think some of us need a review on "affect/effect"
  
  Anyways my parent likely married younger than any of your parents and it last 23 years.....I was long out of the house and already had a toddler. It really didn't affect me at all but my sister was much younger and the effects on her are more apparent.
  
  I have not been divorced.

  How old were your parents? Mine were 20 and 19.
• Ironman92

  

  justincredible;1707943 wrote:How old were your parents? Mine were 20 and 19.

  Lol....kinda elderly
  
  My mom was married at age 15yrs 9 months...Dad was 17 yrs 6 months
  
  Mom was no longer on the cheerleading squad and Dad couldn't play his senior year of baseball as he had to get a job. They did a hell of a job considering.
• like_that

  

  Mulva;1707889 wrote:Wouldn't you need to live a parallel life where the divorce didn't take place to know whether or not it helped?

  /con_alma
• majorspark

  

  Marriage born form pregnancy will in most cases be more difficult. Trust me I know. Met her at 16 and sex and get my wife pregnant during our freshmen year of college. She drops out and I struggle to finish years later. Sex, kids, money, marriage was very difficult. It took me many years to realize I married her body and what it provided me thats what our dating relationship was all about. Thankfully I married a good women with a great heart and fell in love with her as a person. Just listening to her talk for an hour about her day is as good as sex. I love helping her out when she needs it. Its difficult at times no marriage is perfect mine has been a learning experience. My wife and I have tried to pass that knowledge on to our children with the hope it helps them in not only choosing a mate but what it takes to live their life with one and ease some of the difficulties that will arise in their relationship.
• FatHobbit

  

  I had a daughter when I was 24. Her mother and I never got got married and we get along great now. I know lots of people who have psycho exes and I'm happy to say I'm not one of them. I feel like we both do a pretty decent job putting her needs above our own and I don't think we've had one argument since we split.
  
  My parents got divorced when I was 33 and it was probably one of the hardest things I've ever been through. Not because they were divorced, but because I thought I knew my dad pretty well and I based a lot of parenting and life decisions on values he taught me. (He was never the smartest, but he worked hard and put family first,or so it seemed. ) When I found out he wasn't at all what I thought he was it was a rude awakening. My mom has moved on and is remarried and fairly happy. My dad now lives out in the country by himself with no friends. I am still bitter about it all if I'm totally honest.
  
  I've been married now for 4 1/2 years and we have a son and one more on the way. It is a struggle and there are many days I wonder if my life would be better if I never would have gotten married. There are also many days when I wouldn't change a thing.
• Con_Alma

  It would appear that the most impacting issues leading to divorce are centered around sex and money. Both, when handled well, require the willingness and ability to communicate effectively.
• cruiser_96

  

  Parents divorced when I was around 12 years old. No clue of the effect on me. Don't know the alternative to compare.
  
  Married for (coming up on) 12 years, and if the next 12 are anything like the last 12, I'll be asking for another 24 years then. I love my wife. She's amazing. She shares with me that she loves me too. Our kids are great and we do our best to foster parental and family relationships as positive as we can.
  
  I have found that a good portion of our harmony is due to the dinner table. Not because anyone was born on it, but because that's where we gather to have our meals, and share our days with each other.
• friendfromlowry

  My parents have been married for 40+ years and never had much of a problem as far as I know (which could be nothing). I have been married for a little over a year.
  

  FatHobbit;1708035 wrote:It is a struggle and there are many days I wonder if my life would be better if I never would have gotten married. There are also many days when I wouldn't change a thing.

  This.
• arnie palmer

  

  My parents never divorced. They separated a couple times during my high school years, but got back together. It caused more issues with my sister that was younger than for me. My mom died 8 years ago and my Dad is currently dating a much younger person now. This has caused more issues between him and my sister as well.
  
  I have been married 12 years with 2 kids and have a great marriage and wife. Her parents have been married for 43 years and her grandparents were married over 60 years before they passed. I really do think those relationships have been a great influence on my wife and my marriage.
• OSH

  

  Parents never divorced. They've been married for 32 years, come December. Great parents too.
  
  My wife and I have been married for 5, come July. We'll welcome our second child in 5 weeks or less. I couldn't imagine not being married to her. She's an amazing wife, mother, and teacher. I look forward to many more years of marriage...and who knows how many more kids. Our first child will be 1 on March 2, and hopefully she'll grow up seeing what a loving relationship can be like through her mother and I.
  
  I've seen the impacts of divorce, mainly through my cousins. Most recently, my best friend of 25 years had his wife leave him after a few years of marriage (this was in 2009). He hasn't recovered from it. She beat him up mentally through the process. Really sucks because anyone who knows him cannot understand why someone would treat him like that.
• ernest_t_bass

  

  Been married for 6.5 years. The longest 6.5 years of my life, but we keep trucking away, working on it. We've reached a point where it's time for professional help b/c our selfish tendencies are affecting how we act towards each other, and it affects our children. Our plan is to work this out; for each other, and for our children.
• Automatik

  

  My parents are still together, "high school sweethearts", married at 22, had me at 25. It blows my mind when I think about it. You never see that anymore.
  
  I'm 30, single, with zero interest in getting married or kids anytime soon.
• ernest_t_bass

  

  Automatik;1708184 wrote:My parents are still together, "high school sweethearts", married at 22, had me at 25. It blows my mind when I think about it. You never see that anymore.

  You see it plenty. As a teacher, I witness many HS sweethearts end up getting hitched.
• Commander of Awesome

  

  ernest_t_bass;1708189 wrote:You see it plenty. As a teacher, I witness many HS sweethearts end up getting hitched.

  I have family in rurual ohio doing this dumbshit all the time. My Cousin is 19 yrs, knocked up and now not going to college. She couldn't be happier. That seems like a prison sentence to me, but to each their own. I think Auto living in NY removes him a bit from the craziness of the rural midwest.
• sleeper

  

  Automatik;1708184 wrote:My parents are still together, "high school sweethearts", married at 22, had me at 25. It blows my mind when I think about it. You never see that anymore.
  
  I'm 30, single, with zero interest in getting married or kids anytime soon.

  Maybe not in NYC, but people in Ohio are sure as shit getting married with kids by 25. It's the east coast vs. midwest mentality.
• rydawg5

  I read something that divorce rates are really driven up because people who been divorced, normally are the ones that keep getting divorced.
  
  Marriage couples where neither spouse has been divorced, their divorce rates aren't as high as someone with a spouse who was already once married.
• sleeper

  

  rydawg5;1708196 wrote:I read something that divorce rates are really driven up because people who been divorced, normally are the ones that keep getting divorced.
  
  Marriage couples where neither spouse has been divorced, their divorce rates aren't as high as someone with a spouse who was already once married.

  If you factor in education level, educated people get divorced at a much lower rate. Liberals, or uneducated people with zero personal responsibility or care, get divorced all the time.
• Fab4Runner

  

  Automatik;1708184 wrote:My parents are still together, "high school sweethearts", married at 22, had me at 25. It blows my mind when I think about it. You never see that anymore.
  
  I'm 30, single, with zero interest in getting married or kids anytime soon.

  sleeper;1708195 wrote:Maybe not in NYC, but people in Ohio are sure as shit getting married with kids by 25. It's the east coast vs. midwest mentality.

  I don't think 25 is an unreasonable age to get married, though I am very glad that I have waited. 18-23ish...I think that's typically pretty silly.
• HitsRus

  

  ernest_t_bass;1708181 wrote:Been married for 6.5 years. The longest 6.5 years of my life, but we keep trucking away, working on it. We've reached a point where it's time for professional help b/c our selfish tendencies are affecting how we act towards each other, and it affects our children. Our plan is to work this out; for each other, and for our children.

  That really is the crux of the matter. Love and marraige and family demands selflessness, and a desire to put the happiness of you partner above your selfish wants and needs. There's no keeping score, and at times, the demands of family are not equal.
• rydawg5

  HitsRus;1708218 wrote:That really is the crux of the matter. Love and marraige and family demands selflessness, and a desire to put the happiness of you partner above your selfish wants and needs. There's no keeping score, and at times, the demands of family are not equal.

  Self sacrifice is vey empowering. If you feel like you aren't getting enough quality time with your kids, you just ask yourself "Is there anything I wouldn't do for my children?" Then decide the next OSU football schedule, you will use every Saturday at kickoff as a time to turn off your TV and play with them. Sounds dumb, but when you give up something you love for someone you love more, it will put things in perspective and you would realize that the material thing does not matter.
  
  Same thing with your wife. I make habits easily,not harmful, but can hurt our communication because I get wrapped up in various things. When I start feeling like I'm drifting away I will pull the plug on whatever is taking away her time.
  
  I'm not good at reducing, but if I can't choose the other thing because I got rid of it, suddenly the problem is over.
• TedSheckler

  

  My parents never divorced. Happily married until my mom died about 4 years ago. I have been happily married to my wife for 14 years. My first, her second. I was married when I was 24. She was 31. She has kids from her first marriage, but there have been no problems with her ex. We all get along and periodically hang out. She gets along a lot better with him divorced than they were together. The kids are very lucky to have a situation like we have. No issues with custody, fighting, etc. They are grown now. They were 8 and 5 when I met their mom, married a couple years later. I have 2 kids of my own and they see their older sisters as sisters and no half-sisters. Couldn't have it any better.
• ernest_t_bass

  

  rydawg5;1708222 wrote:Then decide the next OSU football schedule, you will use every Saturday at kickoff as a time to turn off your TV and play with them.

  This is the god damned dumbest thing I've ever read.
• rydawg5

  ernest_t_bass;1708229 wrote:This is the god damned dumbest thing I've ever read.

  REPS
• thavoice

  ernest_t_bass;1708229 wrote:This is the god damned dumbest thing I've ever read.

  Especially if the kid also loves OSU football.
  
  I am all for compromise and all and dont feel the need to always have to watch the game, but I think when couples start to give up some of the things they enjoy the most then that can create more problems than anything else.
  
  I wouldnt ask my wife to give up some of the things she loves the most, and she shouldnt ask me to give up mine. Unless, of course, it is destructive behavior like always getting blasted, those type of things.
• ernest_t_bass

  

  thavoice;1708233 wrote:I am all for compromise and all and dont feel the need to always have to watch the game, but I think when couples start to give up some of the things they enjoy the most then that can create more problems than anything else.

  I definitely agree with this.