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So my wife wants her mother in the delivering room!?

  • Salmom
    Have YOU had a baby gentlemen? ...NO! If your wife wants her mom there then let her. My daughter wanted me in the room because I've been thru it and truly understood what was happening. My granddaughter is a part of me. I stayed with them for 3 weeks after she was born. cooked, cleaned, took care of the dogs, ran errands and I was there when they got frustrated at 2 - 3AM because she wouldn't sleep! I did all this so my daughter and SIL could take care of the baby and I took care of them!
    Your wife's hormones are still going to be pretty crazy AFTER the baby is born. Help as much as you can and if she wants her mom to help...let her! You will both be exhausted for awhile!

    Good Luck, I bet you will instantly fall in love with your new little one!
  • Fab4Runner
    I am not planning on having kids for a very long time but I would imagine my Mom will be in the delivery room with me. It may not seem fair to the men...but I say whatever the woman wants goes in this case. I will be the one pushing that thing out.
  • HitsRus
    Somebody who's gone thru it before?....please. Isn't that what childbirth classes are for? You 've got all the help you need from the nurse. I think it is something a man and his wife should go thru together without mommy there. We went thru childbirth, and I was at her side coaching her thru it. I cannot even imagine my mother in law there. (And I like my mother in law). I think the experience made us stronger as a couple.

    That said, I understand the other side too. Some pansy ass guys aren't going to be much help, and would rather be somewhere else.
    It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round...but I think it says a lot about the polarity of the relationship.
  • Salmom
    Hey Hits...you pop one out and then you can tell me you've been thru it. There is no right or wrong on this, it's whatever will make the wife comfortable. Sure you go thru the childbirth class, but until you actually give birth, you don't know what's going to happen. Both of us moms were asked to be there for the wonderfully miraculous birth of our granddaughter, I see nothing wrong with that, to each his own.
  • BORIStheCrusher
    Salmom wrote: Hey Hits...you pop one out and then you can tell me you've been thru it. There is no right or wrong on this, it's whatever will make the wife comfortable. Sure you go thru the childbirth class, but until you actually give birth, you don't know what's going to happen. Both of us moms were asked to be there for the wonderfully miraculous birth of our granddaughter, I see nothing wrong with that, to each his own.
    I don't think he, or anyone for that matter is debating that it's an easy process. You posted that your granddaughter is a part of you, but if I would have let everyone that was a part of my daughter in the room, there'd be a crowd in there. The moment I got to first see and hold my daughter were miraculous, so being able to do it by myself and spend some alone time with her made it even better; the rest of the family was going to see her later.

    BTW, we are incredibly lucky to have parents that we do that still help out 3 years later. They are her babysitters, they let her stay over all the time, spoil her like crazy, but no matter what we aren't afraid to remind them the WE are her parents.
  • Go_Fast_Sports
    Am I the only one reading this thread thinking, "Kids? No way, never, I'm never having kids! screw that!"
  • HitsRus
    Salmom wrote: Hey Hits...you pop one out and then you can tell me you've been thru it. There is no right or wrong on this, it's whatever will make the wife comfortable. Sure you go thru the childbirth class, but until you actually give birth, you don't know what's going to happen. Both of us moms were asked to be there for the wonderfully miraculous birth of our granddaughter, I see nothing wrong with that, to each his own.

    I don't disagree with you necessarily, but I'm old enough to remember when they wouldn't let anyone in. When my wife and I delivered ours, we were only allowed one person in. I had to be there. I had to help her thru it. I had to do the comforting. She leaned on me....she had to lean on me..and I think that's good.
    I can see how having grandma(s) there too could create strong family bonds...but you gotta have the right people there, with no chance of discord. I could forsee problems in interactions between the 'helpers'...especially if decisions have to be made.
    I think one person there is enough...woman's choice. I'd want my wife to pick me.
  • believer
    jmog wrote: If my wife had our 3 sons regular (all 3 c-sections) I would have done whatever she wanted, me in there, her mom in there, the janitor in there, etc.

    If you've never had a wife go through labor pains and the "fun stuff" that comes from them during it, you wouldn't understand.

    Do whatever she wants.

    THIS...I was present during the births of my 3 daughters; 2 were C-section.

    ALWAYS do what the wife requests. If she wants her mother present by all means let it happen.
  • Con_Alma
    Salmom wrote: ... it's whatever will make the wife comfortable. ...
    Considering the enormous physical strain unlike anything she has ever done before, there is nothing that will make her truly comfortable. There are some things that can mask the pain or hide it from her brain but it's still there.
  • Nashley25
    Wow some great food for thought. Thanks for all the replies. This is a lot tougher than I thought it would be.
  • Shane Falco
    Salmom wrote: Have YOU had a baby gentlemen? ...NO! If your wife wants her mom there then let her. My daughter wanted me in the room because I've been thru it and truly understood what was happening. My granddaughter is a part of me. I stayed with them for 3 weeks after she was born. cooked, cleaned, took care of the dogs, ran errands and I was there when they got frustrated at 2 - 3AM because she wouldn't sleep! I did all this so my daughter and SIL could take care of the baby and I took care of them!
    Your wife's hormones are still going to be pretty crazy AFTER the baby is born. Help as much as you can and if she wants her mom to help...let her! You will both be exhausted for awhile!

    Good Luck, I bet you will instantly fall in love with your new little one!
    No problem what so ever with MIL or my mom coming into the home for a while after the baby comes home. My MIL was here after both of my sons were born helping out! No problem what so ever!

    But not in the delivery room.

    My first son was born at 1:30 AM we never called any one til around 6-6:30 to tell them. Nobody even knew we were at the Hospital. We simply called and told them they were now grandparents, then started the clock to see how fast they got there. But those first 4-5 hrs alone, just the tree of us was great! That was a time that we both still talk about and think that's when OUR family started.

    If others want other people there fine by me but, IMO your missing out on something you only get to do ONCE with EACH of YOUR children.

    IMO MAN UP! Tell MIL you'll call her into the room when your ready for her, after the baby is born.
  • queencitybuckeye
    This seems to be a far more common thing than I knew. I'd say my response was clouded by the fact that my wife would never in a million years want her mother in the room, and that we don't do "her" and "his" decisions, we do "our" decisions.
  • Fab4Runner
    queencitybuckeye wrote: This seems to be a far more common thing than I knew. I'd say my response was clouded by the fact that my wife would never in a million years want her mother in the room, and that we don't do "her" and "his" decisions, we do "our" decisions.
    It's definitely fairly common. Every woman I know who has given birth has had her mother in the room (if it was possible). My sister in law had her baby in Arizona so it was just her and my brother but I think she would have liked her mom to be there.
  • sleeper
    Salmom wrote: Have YOU had a baby gentlemen? ...NO! If your wife wants her mom there then let her. My daughter wanted me in the room because I've been thru it and truly understood what was happening. My granddaughter is a part of me. I stayed with them for 3 weeks after she was born. cooked, cleaned, took care of the dogs, ran errands and I was there when they got frustrated at 2 - 3AM because she wouldn't sleep! I did all this so my daughter and SIL could take care of the baby and I took care of them!
    Your wife's hormones are still going to be pretty crazy AFTER the baby is born. Help as much as you can and if she wants her mom to help...let her! You will both be exhausted for awhile!

    Good Luck, I bet you will instantly fall in love with your new little one!
    Hey Salmom, have you ever had a penis? NO! So get in the kitchen and make me a SAMMICH, men are talking.
  • Cat Food Flambe'
    Sleeper, I don't think you're ever going to have to worry about a woman having your baby... :)
  • fish82
    Nashley25 wrote: My wife and I our having a first child anyday now and she has told me she would like to have her mother present during delivery. My wife and her mom are close and she has stated how wonderful it would be for her mom to be there during the birth of one of her grandchildren. I'm kinda struggling with this b/c I feel like its about us not her mother. Is my thinking wrong about this or not?
    Creepy. Not just a little bit either.
  • NNN
    Con_Alma wrote: Considering the enormous physical strain unlike anything she has ever done before, there is nothing that will make her truly comfortable. There are some things that can mask the pain or hide it from her brain but it's still there.
    If she's anything like the average modern woman, a physical strain beyond anything she's ever done would be anything more strenuous than the following.

    - killing a spider
    - cleaning the kitchen
    - making dinner
  • Salmom
    Sleeper, no, but I've been told by some that I have balls! :)
  • SQ_Crazies
    I can't understand why the hell anyone would have a problem with their mother-in-law being there for her daughter....seems pretty selfish dude.
  • Hamp89
    HitsRus wrote: Somebody who's gone thru it before?....please. Isn't that what childbirth classes are for? You 've got all the help you need from the nurse. I think it is something a man and his wife should go thru together without mommy there. We went thru childbirth, and I was at her side coaching her thru it. I cannot even imagine my mother in law there. (And I like my mother in law). I think the experience made us stronger as a couple.

    That said, I understand the other side too. Some pansy ass guys aren't going to be much help, and would rather be somewhere else.
    It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round...but I think it says a lot about the polarity of the relationship.
    Agree with all of this. The talks about having my mother in in the room were extremely brief, and put to rest. No way she was going to be in there. You're starting your family, and it should only be between the mother and father.
  • ZeroCool
    Shane Falco wrote:
    Salmom wrote: Have YOU had a baby gentlemen? ...NO! If your wife wants her mom there then let her. My daughter wanted me in the room because I've been thru it and truly understood what was happening. My granddaughter is a part of me. I stayed with them for 3 weeks after she was born. cooked, cleaned, took care of the dogs, ran errands and I was there when they got frustrated at 2 - 3AM because she wouldn't sleep! I did all this so my daughter and SIL could take care of the baby and I took care of them!
    Your wife's hormones are still going to be pretty crazy AFTER the baby is born. Help as much as you can and if she wants her mom to help...let her! You will both be exhausted for awhile!

    Good Luck, I bet you will instantly fall in love with your new little one!
    No problem what so ever with MIL or my mom coming into the home for a while after the baby comes home. My MIL was here after both of my sons were born helping out! No problem what so ever!

    But not in the delivery room.

    My first son was born at 1:30 AM we never called any one til around 6-6:30 to tell them. Nobody even knew we were at the Hospital. We simply called and told them they were now grandparents, then started the clock to see how fast they got there. But those first 4-5 hrs alone, just the tree of us was great! That was a time that we both still talk about and think that's when OUR family started.

    If others want other people there fine by me but, IMO your missing out on something you only get to do ONCE with EACH of YOUR children.

    IMO MAN UP! Tell MIL you'll call her into the room when your ready for her, after the baby is born.
    AMEN.

    no place for anybody but but father and mother. this will just be the start of mil crossing boundaries.
  • sleeper
    Nashley25 wrote: My wife and I our having a first child anyday now and she has told me she would like to have her mother present during delivery. My wife and her mom are close and she has stated how wonderful it would be for her mom to be there during the birth of one of her grandchildren. I'm kinda struggling with this b/c I feel like its about us not her mother. Is my thinking wrong about this or not?
    In all honesty, this is what you do. In the calmest of tones, you sit down your wife and explain to her that you would like it to be just you and her in the delivery room. Don't get pissy, don't be a CLOWN, just tell her how you really feel from the bottom of your heart. If at the end of the discussion, she still wants to have your mother by her side, then you give in. But I'd at least let her know what you want, because the baby is yours and as a man, you are allowed to express your opinion at any time.

    Good luck, and congratulations. Now please, don't be a dumb parent, raise your child without God, and if by some chance, they discover religion, then so be it. But ruining the intellectually integrity of a fresh mind at such a young age can harm the child for life, and I'd never wish that upon the worst of my enemies.
  • imex99
    Enjoy it with anyone your wife wants in the delivery room....

    My wife and I delivered out first 1/4/2010(also my b-day) and it was myself, my mom and her mom. Wouldn't change anything, best experience of my life so far.

  • BORIStheCrusher
    Shane Falco wrote: That was a time that we both still talk about and think that's when OUR family started.

    If others want other people there fine by me but, IMO your missing out on something you only get to do ONCE with EACH of YOUR children.

    IMO MAN UP! Tell MIL you'll call her into the room when your ready for her, after the baby is born.
    Exactly.
  • OUgrad
    imex99 wrote: Enjoy it with anyone your wife wants in the delivery room....

    My wife and I delivered out first 1/4/2010(also my b-day) and it was myself, my mom and her mom. Wouldn't change anything, best experience of my life so far.

    Congrats on your cute little bundle of joy! Care to share the name?