Advice requested on 24m dating 17f

• Hb31187

  

  How close is she to 18?
  
  And whether you think its right or not...girls like older guys more times then not. How many "chatters" on here have a significant other thats 5 or more years younger than they are? The whole sleepign over thing though I can understand you not liking
• friendfromlowry

  Zwick nailed it on the head: What adult wants to date a teenager anyways? Think of the social restrictions. The other night my roommates and I wanted to go to a bar, but one of their sisters was over. She's cool and attractive and outgoing, but she wont even turn 20 until August. So that ruined that plan. Not to mention how emotionally unstable high school girls can be. Guys always get bad "reps", but most girls I knew in high school didn't have problems screwing over guys and in general just being morons. No offense to your daughter of course, who sounds like a bright young girl...but girls at that age can be a lot more trouble than their worth.
  Point is, any 24-year old guy who's okay with dating a 17-year old shouldn't be okay with you. Unfortunately your daughter is rapidly approaching (if not already met) the age where you no longer have much influence on who she sees and when...all you can do is hope she makes the right decisions....I guess if they're good and happy together, and he treats her right, then that's all that matters - right? I'm sure we all know couples with a few years age difference between them. But still, at age 17, I'm sure you'd like to see your daughter involved with better things than guys seven years older.
  
  Oh and by the way, don't let him sleep over. That just makes him a lonely creep.
• CenterBHSFan

  

  1. I'd be asking the guy right up front why he can't find somebody 20 and over to date, hang out with, whatever. In front of the daughter.
  
  2. I'd ask the young miss what she means by taking advantage of the situation when you trusted her to act like she's got the sense that she obviously has (graduating early). In front of the b/f.
  
  3. Neither one should be made to feel perfectly at ease about this. A little squeamishness is needed for them to really think about actions and consequences.
  
  You do not need to be a bully or act like a hardass; however, that is YOUR house/YOUR rules. Kids get pissed at their parents, it happens. They get over it also. You cannot control what happens at her mothers house, but you can at yours. I also think a civil discussion with the mother might be in order to figure out why she has the lax rules that she does.
  
  The notion of a 5-7 years difference doesn't matter if love is truly involved must take into consideration where people are at in life. A 24 year old woman can handle dating a 30 year old man MUCH better than a 16 girl dating a 20 year old guy. 16 years - 21 years old are still GIRLS. They may have the body of a woman, not the mind.
• Thunder70

  

  Would you rather have your daughter pregnant/contract a std/possibly raped/etc? Or would you rather have your daughter pissed at you for a bit until she realizes that you were right...
  
  I think you know the answer...
• Apple

  

  Hb31187 wrote:...And whether you think its right or not...girls like older guys more times then not. How many "chatters" on here have a significant other thats 5 or more years younger than they are? The whole sleepign over thing though I can understand you not liking

  I agree and I appreciate your sleep-over comment. My gf is 5+ years younger than me. But there is a huge difference mentally/mature-wise between a 30+(her) and a 40+(me) relationship than a 17f - 24m relationship. Maybe I'm sending the wrong signal to my 17 yo daughter???
  

  friendfromlowry wrote: Zwick nailed it on the head: What adult wants to date a teenager anyways? ...
  
  ...Oh and by the way, don't let him sleep over. That just makes him a lonely creep.

  Zwick DID offer good insight, I agree. It's also refreshing, observing your age-group, that you consider a 24m to be a lonely creep if he sleeps over with a 17f.
• ZWICK 4 PREZ

  

  Apple wrote:
  Zwick DID offer good insight, I agree.

  don't get too excited.. I'da still invited her to my house for the night at 24.. just wouldnt date her
• ts1227

  

  I do not see a problem with the age discrepancy at that point. Hell, my parents are 6 years apart and they married when mom was only 19.
  
  The staying over unexpectedly thing is fair game to address.
• jpake1

  

  I'm not a violent guy either, but I would have calmy said "Boy, you've got 3 seconds to get out of that fucking bed and be on your way. Please, I'm daring you to call my bluff". Yeah, the daughter would have been pissed. But time heals everything. Soon enough she'd realize he was a douchebag and would have thanked you months/years down the road. You can't control what your kids do all the time. You can control what they do when they're on your time and in your house.
• JTizzle

  Been in this situation before myself, a few years back we were about the same ages. Guys who say they wouldn't want to, or think about it are lying and just hatin. The girl liked me and liked her just the damn age difference sucked it messed with me quite a bit. She was actually the aggressor inviting me into her house to watch a movie. It ended up not working out because she seen me with another chick, who was just a friend. haha Even though Ohio is 16 with consent I was going to wait till she was 18 to hit it, just didn't want to take a chance.
  
  Now you haters can really get me because when I was 20 my girlfriend got pregnant and was 15 or 16 at the time. I will say that she was my first and well more experienced in the field than I was.
  
  IMO age is just a number because you add ten or twenty years to both sides of the numbers and who would give a damn.
• Apple

  

  zwick- your hook-up tendencies are that of legend... I feel safe knowing your decision-making processes that my daughter would not fall under your spell... at least while she is a teenager.
  
  ts1227- I would debate that a 19 yo chick like your mom had more maturity than my 17 yo daughter... just giving your mom the benefit of the doubt. My parents were 7 years apart, but still well into their 20's... my dad may have even been 30 I think when they married.
  
  jpake1- If I am ever in the same situation when I come home, I think I will use your suggestion... nice! +1
• kritzell

  

  Tough spot to be in Apple. If you push her away she may just move in with him when she turns 18. Hopefully everything will work out for you and your daughter.
• ts1227

  

  Apple wrote: zwick- your hook-up tendencies are that of legend... I feel safe knowing your decision-making processes that my daughter would not fall under your spell... at least while she is a teenager.
  
  ts1227- I would debate that a 19 yo chick like your mom had more maturity than my 17 yo daughter... just giving your mom the benefit of the doubt. My parents were 7 years apart, but still well into their 20's... my dad may have even been 30 I think when they married.
  
  jpake1- If I am ever in the same situation when I come home, I think I will use your suggestion... nice! +1

  I'm not sure how old my parents were when they met, but it was obviously earlier than 19, as that was her age at marriage. She was 17 or 18 when it started, and dad was 23 or 24, so I think the parallels are pretty close.
  
  Of course, my grandparents on mom's side can only say so much because they kind of got knocked up their senior year of HS with mom (oops!) and married right after that. Stuff like that didn't go over so well in 1961, haha.
• Apple

  

  IDK ts1227, maybe I'm being overly protective. She deserves to live her own life. My hope is that she doesn't put herself in a position she will regret later in life.
• Mohican00

  

  I agree and I appreciate your sleep-over comment. My gf is 5+ years younger than me. But there is a huge difference mentally/mature-wise between a 30+(her) and a 40+(me) relationship than a 17f - 24m relationship.

  This is generally correct. Age difference is relative to where the range lies...the context of a person's life at 24 is usually noticeably different than what it is at 17 whereas a 5-year difference between say 35 and 40 is negligible.
  
  More importantly, your daughter's immediate future can significantly augment the gap in age if her goals do not coincide with his. For instance, is she planning on going to away to school soon? He's 24 - do they plan on being together during this time? Or aren't they that serious (sorry if this was mentioned earlier. I didn't read through the thread)
• LJ

  

  Um,I don't care if they were both 17 or he is older, or younger, if I ever came home to a guy sleeping with my teenage daughter in her bed, he would get chased out of my house with a shotgun. All the girls I dated growing up had parents like that. Hell, my gf is 26 and I am 25 and we sleep in separate beds when we go to her parents' place.
  
  C'mon people, you are worried too much about the age thing and not the fact that there was a guy, asleep in bed with the daughter. That is a major issue that needs to be addressed first.
• GoChiefs

  

  Apple wrote: IDK ts1227, maybe I'm being overly protective. She deserves to live her own life. My hope is that she doesn't put herself in a position she will regret later in life.

  She's only 17. You can only let her 'live her own life' until you need to step in and do what's right.
• ts1227

  

  But, as LJ mentioned, look more at the staying over without any real permission as opposed to the age.
• Apple

  

  I'm beginning to think very seriously about having both 24m and my daughter sit down and read this thread. I think they could both learn a lot if I did.
  
  The Chatter comments have been very good... except probably sleeper's, but that's a given.
• sherm03

  

  I agree with LJ...the bigger problem is that they were sleeping together in her bed, with nobody home.
  
  I'm 25 years old, and engaged. When my fiancee and I go back home and stay with my parents, we do not share a bed. That's my parents rules. We have lived together for over 2 years now, but my parents' rule is: we're not married yet, we don't share a bed at their house. We're completely fine with that...their house, their rules. If your daughter wants to be mature enough to date a guy 7 years older than her, she needs to be mature enough to follow the rules of YOUR house.
  
  As far as the age difference...7 years is nothing when you're talking about people in their mid twenties and thirties or older. But when a teenager is involved it's just strange. My junior year of college, I had a buddy that dated a girl still in high school. Our whole group of friends made fun of him mercilessly until they finally broke up. Like Zwick said, hooking up with a girl that age is different than dating her. And if you're a dude in your mid twenties and you're trying to date chicks that are (or should still be in this case) in high school...then you are pretty much a desperate douchebag.
• sjmvsfscs08

  Only sleeper could come onto a thread about a 24-year old banging a 17-year old and look like the bigger douchebag.
  
  Also, I'd beat the fuck out of him. Of course, I'd beat the fuck out of any guy I that would happen to find smashing my daughter. If he continues to want to be with her, then I'd be okay with it haha
  
  EDIT: The more I think about it, the more this makes me angry. If you're 24 years old and have to get with girls that are 17....something is wrong with you. Granted, my parents are eight years apart, but they were like 34/26. Huge difference. But if it was the decade before and 24/16, that'd be fucked up. I'm 20, and although I see plenty of girls that are 17 that are absolutely smokin', you would just need to be lacking something to go down that path. I've seen girls get in that type of relationship simply for the alcohol, so be sure that isn't the case. Where the hell does someone meet someone that much older?
• I Wear Pants

  The age thing isn't that big of a deal.
  
  What should be a problem is that the two of them took advantage of the fact that you weren't at your place and violated your rules in your house. That shit isn't cool.
  
  Talk to both of them, tell your daughter that if she wants you to continue to treat her like an adult that she needs to listen to your rules which in this case sound pretty reasonable. And tell the dude that if he wants to try to prove that he is actually a grown ass man that he should have the respect for you to listen to your rules and to try to be a little more upstanding. Because in this situation he's the one that needs to prove he isn't a douchebag, you don't have to prove why you want to look out for your daughter. Obviously.
  
  /advice from a 20 year old dude
• Heretic

  

  I'm totally disappointed in every person on this site. We're nearing 50 posts on this thread and no one has asked if this is the dude:
  
  
  
  "That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."
• friendfromlowry

  Apple - I really think you need to send a message here, like everyone else is suggesting. When I dated 17 year old girls (in high school, not like this douche) I would have been scared to death to stay over with my girlfriend and have her father come home. My sister is 18 and I think if my dad came home and found her boyfriend sleeping over, he'd be PISSED. Lay down the law now. If they're going to run around together, then fine, she'll be an adult soon anyways.
  To be completely honest, this guy SHOULD be more mature than your daughter. He's not a teenage pervert like the other guys your daughter would normally date - he should have a bit of wisdom and respect in his older age, and WANT to follow your rules in order to earn your trust. I don't know, give him a chance if you're feeling up to it. If he's a decent guy (asides from the fact he wants to date a teenager) he might be better than the other juvenile college douchebags your daughter will inevitably meet. But if he at least won't respect you, kick him to the curb.
• LJ

  

  L-I-V-I-N
• Gameover

  It's one thing to date, but to be in bed at YOUR house is a huge break of trust and respect. She might be a great girl and all, but what else is she doing behind your back? That dude wouldn't have made it to far if it were me.