Little O-Trapette was born on the 22nd of last month.  Since then, the only time she's left me was when my wife took her to the grandparents' house for an afternoon.  However, my wife is leaving for Columbus tomorrow before I wake up for work, and I will be joining them on Saturday for a Christmas party.

That does effectively leave me with a "free" day tomorrow.  Granted, I still work, but aside from that, I've got an evening with no wife and child.

The little twinge of guilt for feeling a little happy about a day "off" aside, what would you fathers on here do with a free evening?

I get drunk and watch basketball.

posted by Commander of Awesome

I get drunk and watch basketball.

I have to get up early the next day.  I'm not young enough to do the whole night-of-drinking-early-morning thing anymore.

But I like where your head's at.

posted by O-Trap

I have to get up early the next day.  I'm not young enough to do the whole night-of-drinking-early-morning thing anymore.

But I like where your head's at.

Just depeneds on when you start. I can't really drink enough to get hung over anymore as I'll pass out on the couch. 3 beers does me pretty nice.

The first time we went out for the evening without our first son was for a New Year's Eve dinner while my mother-in-law watched him - he was two months old, and we had some guilt pangs, for sure.

First full day without that son, he was 14 months old, and he stayed with my MIL while the wife and I rented a Hocking Hill cabin for a 3-day weekend. 

posted by Commander of Awesome

I get drunk and watch basketball.

At first I thought you were going with a Tiernan impression

posted by O-Trap

what would you fathers on here do with a free evening?

 Sleep!  Maybe an action movie and an Irish Whiskey.

I don't have kids, so my advice is probably no bueno. That said, I like the alcohol and sleep idea. 

I do have a question for all you parents. I think I've asked it here before, but it's been a while and it's more relevant to me now. How did you decide it was time to have a baby? My husband and I have been married a little over a year, but have lived together for 4+. I'm also not super young...I'll be 33 in January. We know we want kids, but it's honestly still terrifying to me/us. Like, you have to keep a human being alive. You have to try not to fuck them up too badly. Being pregnant for 10 months does not seem enjoyable to me...and so on. 

I'm pretty sure we're going to just go for it starting in February. I'm going on an 8 day vacation and as selfish as it is, I'm trying to get drunk several times, lol. Once I'm back, I think we'll just see what happens sans prevention. 

My wife and I love kids. We waited until we were somewhat ready. What is ready? It depends on the family. For us, it was settling into a place we knew we'd be for a bit. My wife was on birth control (mainly for endometriosis). But, we decided it was time to get the drugs out of her system. Supposedly it takes roughly 6 months for that to work, but she ended up getting pregnant in 3 months. So...I guess we were "ready!"

Now, we are going on child 3. Wouldn't have it any other way. Kids have been amazing. It's a bit of a struggle financially at times, which we expected with our careers (coach and teacher). There's a roof over our heads, food on the table, and clothes on the backs. My wife loves the pregnancy time, in the last couple of months is when it's the most challenging and ready to deliver. Seeing baby for the first time makes it all worth it. Then, seeing them develop, learn, and mature puts the pregnancy stuff as an afterthought.

posted by Fab4Runner

I don't have kids, so my advice is probably no bueno. That said, I like the alcohol and sleep idea. 

I do have a question for all you parents. I think I've asked it here before, but it's been a while and it's more relevant to me now. How did you decide it was time to have a baby? My husband and I have been married a little over a year, but have lived together for 4+. I'm also not super young...I'll be 33 in January. We know we want kids, but it's honestly still terrifying to me/us. Like, you have to keep a human being alive. You have to try not to fuck them up too badly. Being pregnant for 10 months does not seem enjoyable to me...and so on. 

I'm pretty sure we're going to just go for it starting in February. I'm going on an 8 day vacation and as selfish as it is, I'm trying to get drunk several times, lol. Once I'm back, I think we'll just see what happens sans prevention. 

I don't know that anyone can really answer this for you and your husband.  I'm sure the criteria for being "ready" is probably a little diferent for each couple.  I think you to two will come to terms on your own and the answer will reveal itself.  I wouldn't overthink it though.  Therres some emotion in the equation and it's probably not all based on rational.

My wife and I were married for 7 years before we had our first.  Once we were in a position to not need two incomes we stopped protecting against a pregnancy.  Good luck to you two!

posted by Fab4Runner

How did you decide it was time to have a baby?

We had been together for 4ish years as well, but I am 31 and my wife will be 30 in February.  After getting off birth control it took us about a year to get pregnant. Funny about your post, my wife took a test right before a week in Key West (which was positive), needless to say her vacation was not as fun as mine. 

The risk for a pregnancy at 35 or older (for a woman) would make me nervous, but I have a few neighbors who have done it at 35 with no problems. We figured it was ready when we both had solid incomes and little debt besides the normal, and we really aren't into the going out until super late scene anyway, so it isn't as much to "give up".

posted by Fab4Runner

I don't have kids, so my advice is probably no bueno. That said, I like the alcohol and sleep idea. 

I do have a question for all you parents. I think I've asked it here before, but it's been a while and it's more relevant to me now. How did you decide it was time to have a baby? My husband and I have been married a little over a year, but have lived together for 4+. I'm also not super young...I'll be 33 in January. We know we want kids, but it's honestly still terrifying to me/us. Like, you have to keep a human being alive. You have to try not to fuck them up too badly. Being pregnant for 10 months does not seem enjoyable to me...and so on. 

I'm pretty sure we're going to just go for it starting in February. I'm going on an 8 day vacation and as selfish as it is, I'm trying to get drunk several times, lol. Once I'm back, I think we'll just see what happens sans prevention. 

You'll never be ready and there is never a convienient time to be pregnant and not be able to drink for 9 months. My wife and our friends all like to drink and the not drinking during events/parties/random nights at somebodies house is the worst part for all them. Being pregnant just seems like the absolute worst but it's worth it in the end. 

So my advice would be if you want a kid, just do it. You will make it work plus you never know how long it'll take so might as well start trying. 

posted by Con_Alma

I don't know that anyone can really answer this for you and your husband.  I'm sure the criteria for being "ready" is probably a little diferent for each couple.  I think you to two will come to terms on your own and the answer will reveal itself.  I wouldn't overthink it though.  Therres some emotion in the equation and it's probably not all based on rational.

 

My wife and I were married for 7 years before we had our first.  Once we were in a position to not need two incomes we stopped protecting against a pregnancy.  Good luck to you two!

Oh, I totally get that. I guess I'm just hoping that other people also found it scary af, lol. 

posted by iclfan2

We had been together for 4ish years as well, but I am 31 and my wife will be 30 in February.  After getting off birth control it took us about a year to get pregnant. Funny about your post, my wife took a test right before a week in Key West (which was positive), needless to say her vacation was not as fun as mine. 

The risk for a pregnancy at 35 or older (for a woman) would make me nervous, but I have a few neighbors who have done it at 35 with no problems. We figured it was ready when we both had solid incomes and little debt besides the normal, and we really aren't into the going out until super late scene anyway, so it isn't as much to "give up".

I'm not super worried about the over 35 thing. I know a lot of women who have had babies in their mid-to-late 30s. My sister in law just had one at 39. I know there are risks, and I wouldn't start trying for my first at like 37, but that doesn't really make me nervous. I do like to drink, but it's more about morning sickness and feeling terrible for months for me. I haaaate throwing up. My mom never got sick, but you just never know. 

posted by TBone14

You'll never be ready and there is never a convienient time to be pregnant and not be able to drink for 9 months. My wife and our friends all like to drink and the not drinking during events/parties/random nights at somebodies house is the worst part for all them. Being pregnant just seems like the absolute worst but it's worth it in the end. 

So my advice would be if you want a kid, just do it. You will make it work plus you never know how long it'll take so might as well start trying. 

This is basically where we're at. I think it probably doesn't help that literally no one in our immediate friend group has kids yet. One is pregnant, but she lives in South Dakota so even that isn't super real to us, and one is trying, but nothing yet. 
 

posted by O-Trap

Little O-Trapette was born on the 22nd of last month.  Since then, the only time she's left me was when my wife took her to the grandparents' house for an afternoon.  However, my wife is leaving for Columbus tomorrow before I wake up for work, and I will be joining them on Saturday for a Christmas party.

That does effectively leave me with a "free" day tomorrow.  Granted, I still work, but aside from that, I've got an evening with no wife and child.

The little twinge of guilt for feeling a little happy about a day "off" aside, what would you fathers on here do with a free evening?

The possibilites are endless. Could meet up with some buddies for a beer at a watering hole. Sometimes, a night in alone is total bliss, though. 

Go to the best meat market in you area and get a super thick ribeye. Fry that bad boy up in a hot cast iron skillet (no sides necessary- it's just you). Get some good beer, bourbon (or whatever you poison is) or wine and binge watch a show or a movie your wife wouldn't like. Not a great sports night but gambling on some basketball games is fun. 

Get drunk. I still haven’t been able to do that since ours were born.

Fab, in terms of the pregnancy symptoms it’s just so damn hard to predict what will happen. I wouldn’t let it hold you back too much because there’s nothing you can do to change it, it’s just random it seems.  My wife had friends puking daily, but her mom had next to no symptoms when she had her, and she had next to no symptoms with ours. Never puked, worked up until 6 days before they were born. Sure by the end she wasn’t moving well because with 15 3/4 pounds of baby in there she was walking around like she was smuggling a Volkswagen, but even she talks about how “easy” it was today.

posted by O-Trap

The little twinge of guilt for feeling a little happy about a day "off" aside, what would you fathers on here do with a free evening?

posted by O-Trap

Little O-Trapette was born on the 22nd of last month.  Since then, the only time she's left me was when my wife took her to the grandparents' house for an afternoon.  However, my wife is leaving for Columbus tomorrow before I wake up for work, and I will be joining them on Saturday for a Christmas party.

That does effectively leave me with a "free" day tomorrow.  Granted, I still work, but aside from that, I've got an evening with no wife and child.

The little twinge of guilt for feeling a little happy about a day "off" aside, what would you fathers on here do with a free evening?

I would say just "do what you and only you want to do" - even if that means sitting and doing nothing. For me that is the biggest thing is that when you have the munchkin or wife around you have to always consider them when you want to do something. Just try to enjoy that I guess. 

posted by Fab4Runner

I don't have kids, so my advice is probably no bueno. That said, I like the alcohol and sleep idea. 

I do have a question for all you parents. I think I've asked it here before, but it's been a while and it's more relevant to me now. How did you decide it was time to have a baby? My husband and I have been married a little over a year, but have lived together for 4+. I'm also not super young...I'll be 33 in January. We know we want kids, but it's honestly still terrifying to me/us. Like, you have to keep a human being alive. You have to try not to fuck them up too badly. Being pregnant for 10 months does not seem enjoyable to me...and so on. 

I'm pretty sure we're going to just go for it starting in February. I'm going on an 8 day vacation and as selfish as it is, I'm trying to get drunk several times, lol. Once I'm back, I think we'll just see what happens sans prevention. 

I think your "see what happens sans protection" after the vacay is a good approach.

To be honest I didn't feel ready when my wife was ready but I don't think I would've ever really been "ready" as in as mentally prepared. We partied all through the summer and then as fall and winter was coming we thought there'd be less FOMO from wanting to go out and such and so I think a good rule of thumb might be to try and shoot for a time when you'll have less FOMO. However my wife found that she thought it sucked to not be able to drink during the holidays and that after the baby was born in June we weren't really prepared that when you have a newborn it is tough to enjoy the summer weather. 

So our thinking is actually that it would be preferable next time for her to try  and be pregnant over the summer as when you're pregnant you can still be out and enjoy the weather and the sun and shoot for having the newborn in the fall and winter when things start slowing down.

That's my two cents.

posted by Fab4Runner

Oh, I totally get that. I guess I'm just hoping that other people also found it scary af, lol. 

Yeah, you are responsible for a life.  Instincts kick in and you will know what to do.

posted by O-Trap

Little O-Trapette was born on the 22nd of last month.  Since then, the only time she's left me was when my wife took her to the grandparents' house for an afternoon.  However, my wife is leaving for Columbus tomorrow before I wake up for work, and I will be joining them on Saturday for a Christmas party.

That does effectively leave me with a "free" day tomorrow.  Granted, I still work, but aside from that, I've got an evening with no wife and child.

The little twinge of guilt for feeling a little happy about a day "off" aside, what would you fathers on here do with a free evening?

Well, if you do anything that could be construed as fun, you may get a lecture.  Lay low, have a beer or two, get some stuff done around the house.  

posted by Fab4Runner

Oh, I totally get that. I guess I'm just hoping that other people also found it scary af, lol. 

It's definitely scary. And you will make mistakes. But kids are resilient and they will be ok. And next time you'll know what you did wrong and you'll make completely different mistakes. Lol. 

My first kid was unplanned in college, so i definitely wasn't ready.  Then when i got married my wife was ready to have kids before i was, so once again i wasn't ready. But like others said I don't know if i ever would have really been ready. 

posted by Fab4Runner

it's more about morning sickness and feeling terrible for months for me. I haaaate throwing up. My mom never got sick, but you just never know. 

Yea, weirdly my wife only got sick on that vacation right after finding out, then was never sick again.  The fatigue has been the worst thing for her (I'll add bitchiness lol). It's crazy how different people's pregnancies can be 

posted by Zunardo

The first time we went out for the evening without our first son was for a New Year's Eve dinner while my mother-in-law watched him - he was two months old, and we had some guilt pangs, for sure.

First full day without that son, he was 14 months old, and he stayed with my MIL while the wife and I rented a Hocking Hill cabin for a 3-day weekend. 

 

Hell, I feel better.  Ours is a whopping three weeks, and I'm already happy to have a day to myself.

posted by Verbal Kint

 Sleep!  Maybe an action movie and an Irish Whiskey.

Oh, these will happen regardless of what else I do.

posted by Fab4Runner

I don't have kids, so my advice is probably no bueno. That said, I like the alcohol and sleep idea. 

I do have a question for all you parents. I think I've asked it here before, but it's been a while and it's more relevant to me now. How did you decide it was time to have a baby? My husband and I have been married a little over a year, but have lived together for 4+. I'm also not super young...I'll be 33 in January. We know we want kids, but it's honestly still terrifying to me/us. Like, you have to keep a human being alive. You have to try not to fuck them up too badly. Being pregnant for 10 months does not seem enjoyable to me...and so on. 

I'm pretty sure we're going to just go for it starting in February. I'm going on an 8 day vacation and as selfish as it is, I'm trying to get drunk several times, lol. Once I'm back, I think we'll just see what happens sans prevention. 

I'm about your age (turned 34 in October), but we've been trying for nine years.

You'll never be "ready."  There really is no "ready."  If you are financially capable of supporting someone who goes through diapers and wipes like a junky goes through meth, you're as ready as you can be, I think.

posted by TBone14

The possibilites are endless. Could meet up with some buddies for a beer at a watering hole. Sometimes, a night in alone is total bliss, though. 

Go to the best meat market in you area and get a super thick ribeye. Fry that bad boy up in a hot cast iron skillet (no sides necessary- it's just you). Get some good beer, bourbon (or whatever you poison is) or wine and binge watch a show or a movie your wife wouldn't like. Not a great sports night but gambling on some basketball games is fun. 

I like how you think.  I have tentative plans to hit the cigar lounge in the Valley with a few beers and a buddy or two.  May do the steak thing if I'm feeling up for grilling something.

posted by BoatShoes

I would say just "do what you and only you want to do" - even if that means sitting and doing nothing. For me that is the biggest thing is that when you have the munchkin or wife around you have to always consider them when you want to do something. Just try to enjoy that I guess. 

Hell, I might channel my inner college student and play video games before cigars.

posted by QuakerOats

Well, if you do anything that could be construed as fun, you may get a lecture.  Lay low, have a beer or two, get some stuff done around the house.  

I actually don't get too many lectures even when wife and child are around and I go off to do something fun.  Tonight, there's just no need to make "arrangements."

As for stuff around the house, I put plastic on all the large windows and changed the porch light bulbs already.  I'm happy with that.

posted by iclfan2

Yea, weirdly my wife only got sick on that vacation right after finding out, then was never sick again.  The fatigue has been the worst thing for her (I'll add bitchiness lol). It's crazy how different people's pregnancies can be 

I'll put this exactly how I said it to my wife's face: she was Pregzilla. Wasn't sick too much.  Slept pretty much the entire first trimester (was pretty significantly anemic).  But for the last six months, she was a grouch around the clock.

I can't totally blame her.  She was growing a person.  But the truth remains.  She was hard to be around.

Getting married begins the journey, having children is the new adventure. This start the morphing that it is no longer about you, being a husband and then a father there is no room for selfcenterness. Wake up now its not about you it's about them and once you understand this its a wonderful, rewarding and powerful modivation.  When you have that spare alone time do something for the family that will make a small difference .. Fix the door, paint the hall, repair the car, clean the carpet, change out the wall sockets time a wasting and there is never enough time. Do this and there is a bigger pay out in the end... Family

We planned for our first kid but that did work miscarriage, this hurt, pain and frustration was devastating. We decided that planning was to much, so we just when back to enjoying each other, having fun and living without that stress to have children..it will happen when it happens and we will embrace Gods plan. 

posted by O-Trap

Little O-Trapette was born on the 22nd of last month.  Since then, the only time she's left me was when my wife took her to the grandparents' house for an afternoon.  However, my wife is leaving for Columbus tomorrow before I wake up for work, and I will be joining them on Saturday for a Christmas party.

That does effectively leave me with a "free" day tomorrow.  Granted, I still work, but aside from that, I've got an evening with no wife and child.

The little twinge of guilt for feeling a little happy about a day "off" aside, what would you fathers on here do with a free evening?

Guilt?  WTF!?

posted by ernest_t_bass

Guilt?  WTF!?

Feeling happy about NOT being around my child ... yeah, there was a little guilt about that.