Talking to the father before proposing....

• Automatik

  

  A tired old tradition? Or necessary?
  
  Do you ASK permission? Or just let him know you intend to propose?
  
  
  I'm almost sure there will be a clear divide on this topic based on age.
  
  
  
  My sister recently got engaged, so I'm interested to hear the opinions of others.
• thavoice

  Old tradition, but necessary to discuss the specifics of the dowry.
• jmog

  It depends really on situation.
  
  If your wife's family is religious, from the south, or just more "traditional" it is a nice gesture to "ask" permission.
  
  Even without those, as someone who was brought up to ALWAYS treat a woman with respect (opening doors, always walking up to the door on a date, never honking the horn, if she still lives at home meeting parents at door on first date, etc), even if my wife wasn't from that type of family I would have AT LEAST talked to her dad and/or parents first and let him know I was intending on asking her and asking for their "blessing" (whatever that means).
  
  Since my wife's dad was a Southern Baptist Preacher, out of respect I "asked permission" even though to be honest if he said "no" we would have got married anyway.
  
  It truly is mostly about respect and less about truly asking for permission.
• fish82

  

  It was a helluva long time ago, but I asked him. Still spending the points I earned to this day.
• Commander of Awesome

  

  lol no
• like_that

  

  I'm on the younger side of this forum, and I will be doing it out of respect. I think it's the respectful and right thing to do.
• like_that

  

  Also I think it depends on how close she is with her rents.
• Commander of Awesome

  

  like_that;1830187 wrote:Also I think it depends on how close she is with her rents.

  This would definitely affect it.
  
  
  I'd also throw in asking both parents, but with Trump coming in we probably don't have to do that anymore.
• SportsAndLady

  

  I'll ask both parents out of respect. I don't see why you wouldn't. Like jmog said, if they say no, I'd still propose.
• Spock

  

  I have 3 daughters and all of them will be asking me or they aint getting married
• like_that

  

  SportsAndLady;1830189 wrote:I'll ask both parents out of respect. I don't see why you wouldn't. Like jmog said, if they say no, I'd still propose.

  Pretty much this.
• iclfan2

  

  I didn't "ask" per se, but on a weekend she worked I met her dad for breakfast and told him my plan. She is an only child and I think it's the "right thing" to do to at least acknowledge you respect them.
  On the other hand, I showed her mom the ring (they are divorced) and she said "are you asking me" and I said "no I am telling you". She laughed and still talks about that response to this day.
  
  
  Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
• Ironman92

  

  If you two have been dating 2+ years and have careers....don't think it's necessary. It's never a bad thing though.
  
  My daughter dated a boy her freshman and sophomore years of college and that summer he wanted to meet with me. He asked my thoughts/blessings and we had a long talk about going at least another year. He had a bunch of reasons to and I had more reasons not to. I was emphatic about seeing how things go during a 3rd year as she began grad school and I wasn't sure he was even happy for her. I ended up having the pull to keep him from doing it and 2 months in their junior years they broke up.....neither have really looked back. She knows she doesn't have time for a serious relationship.
  
  Had he asked her....I don't know what would've happened.
• Belly35

  

  Ask permission with respect to both of her parents .. Be respectful and prepared
• slingshot4ever

  Wife is an only child, so pretty close to parents. I am more of an old school guy (just 34 though) and I took them out to dinner and stated my intentions, not really to ask permission as if I was told no it wouldn't have stopped me, so why pretend to ask? That was back when I was 27. I find it to be respectful and hope that my daughter's future partner will do the same.
• Laley23

  

  I asked.
• Fab4Runner

  

  My husband told my mom and stepdad, and my dad that he planned to propose. He didn't ask permission per se, but I thought it was nice of him to sit down with them and get their support. Neither of us were nervous about the next step, though. We had been together for three years, living together for two, and my parents love him.
  
  I actually had no idea about any of it, which is impressive since he had to drive 3 hours round trip to have a drink with my dad. We never went ring shopping, either. All of it was a complete surprise.
• GOONx19

  

  I asked. I don't think it's a permission thing either.
• Wolves of Babylon

  I asked my Wifes mom as her Dad is out of the picture. It was more of a respect thing than permission.
  
  Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using Tapatalk
• queencitybuckeye

  Agree that it's more a ceremonial thing than really asking for permission. Beyond that, I think circumstances matter. We got married in our thirties, my first her second, and she had a teenage child. I treated her parents with the utmost respect, but to ask permission would have felt kind of silly.
• HitsRus

  

  Good communication with the in-laws can be such such a positive force for a marriage. Just like a proposal of marriage, you should know the answer or response will be positive before asking. If you have doubts, then you have work to do. It is all about respect and shows your future in laws your desire to be a part of their family.
• friendfromlowry

  Took my future in-laws out to dinner one night and told them of my intent. Can't remember how I worded it.
  
  If you're looking for an example of how it can be more than just a respect thing, my future mother-in-law helped design the ring with diamonds that had been in the family (I think my wife's grandmother.) So it's a special ring for both my wife and mother-in-law. Had I never asked them for permission, that wouldn't have happened. So sometimes it can be more than just tradition.
• Sonofanump

  I spoke with her parents, but I am both a gentleman and a scholar.
• sleeper

  

  No. This isn't the 1950's and maybe women should sack up and start proposing to men.
  
  Equality, but only when it benefits me.
• Iliketurtles

  

  I asked but it was more just out of respect. I would have still asked my wife to marry me anyway if her dad said no (didn't plan on it happening).