Talking to the father before proposing....

• like_that

  

  sleeper;1830241 wrote:No. This isn't the 1950's and maybe women should sack up and start proposing to men.
  
  Equality, but only when it benefits me.

  Lol, I was waiting for this.
• Automatik

  

  My thoughts.... it's not necessary by any means and "asking" is a fucking joke. So are the father's who feel they are entitled to be asked as if it's a requirement.
  
  It also totally depends on the situation. I would have no problem meeting with the parents to state my "intentions."
  
  
  So my future BIL didn't ask my father and he was totally cool with it. That's why I brought this up, because I assumed he would. I don't give a shit either. He's an awesome guy and my entire family is thrilled.
  
  My father also shared that he didn't even ask my grandfather, which I found surprising. My dad proposed when he was 20 and my grandfather is very old school Italian. I thought for sure he "asked for his blessing"
• like_that

  

  Automatik;1830259 wrote:My thoughts.... it's not necessary by any means and "asking" is a fucking joke. So are the father's who feel they are entitled to be asked as if it's a requirement.
  
  It also totally depends on the situation. I would have no problem meeting with the parents to state my "intentions."
  
  
  So my future BIL didn't ask my father and he was totally cool with it. That's why I brought this up, because I assumed he would. I don't give a shit either. He's an awesome guy and my entire family is thrilled.
  
  My father also shared that he didn't even ask my grandfather, which I found surprising. My dad proposed when he was 20 and my grandfather is very old school Italian. I thought for sure he "asked for his blessing"

  Are you going to do it?
  
  Also a lot of good points here. I think if I were a father of a daughter I would appreciate to be asked or informed of his intentions, because it is a nice gesture.
  
  If he is on the younger side like ironman's story, I would hope he would ask so I could talk him out of it. There are a lot of people who propose too early in their lives imo or rush to do it when they really shouldn't. The guy doesn't have to listen to me, but if I felt it was too soon I would probably try and persuade the guy to hold off a bit, just like ironman.
• Automatik

  

  Again, all depends on the situation. I'm no where near that point in my current relationship, but just as a talking point...I wouldn't. Her dad is out of the picture, her mom lives in Mexico and can't speak English. :laugh:
  
  But if I had a solid relationship with her parent(s) in the phases leading up to an eventual proposal, sure I'd have the convo and state my intentions. The "asking" part is what I'm against and the sense of entitlement from overbearing fathers.
  
  The Ironman situation is definitely a unique one, and a good example of how it worked out for the better.
• Ironman92

  

  Automatik;1830276 wrote:Again, all depends on the situation. I'm no where near that point in my current relationship, but just as a talking point...I wouldn't. Her dad is out of the picture, her mom lives in Mexico and can't speak English. :laugh:
  
  But if I had a solid relationship with her parent(s) in the phases leading up to an eventual proposal, sure I'd have the convo and state my intentions. The "asking" part is what I'm against and the sense of entitlement from overbearing fathers.
  
  The Ironman situation is definitely a unique one, and a good example of how it worked out for the better.

  Yeah, they just weren't ready and my past experience had me in the same damn shoes so I was comfortable going against it.
• Crimson streak

  

  I plan on letting my girlfriends parents know when I decide. I'm also very close to them so it will be easy to do. Both of them will probably tell me to run and ask if I'm crazy lol but I know I'll definitely have their blessing and I'm sure her mom will help me pick out the ring
  
  
  Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
• mjarman0926

  If you respect the man then yes if not then whatever
  
  Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk
• majorspark

  

  My son in law asked my wife and I (not that their was any reservations on our part) and we appreciated the respect and felt it highlighted the great character we already knew he had.
• cat_lover

  I asked my wife's parent out of respect and hope s of having a good relationship with them and 28 years later I have a great relationship with them and she does with my parents.
• FatHobbit

  

  I asked
• ts1227

  

  I didn't, but he was super laid back and wouldn't have given a shit either way.
• superman

  I didn't ask but her dad has passed and her mom would have blabbed it all the Internet before i could ask my wife.
• friendfromlowry

  superman;1830470 wrote:I didn't ask but her dad has passed and her mom would have blabbed it all the Internet before i could ask my wife.

  Dont know why but I lol'd
• OSH

  

  I asked. Couldn't imagine not asking -- unless there was a major rift with daughter and dad.
• Wally

  I didn't ask. They probably would have said no. That was in 1979.
  
  It took a few years but her parents finally liked me.
  
  I know my youngest son asked his f-I-l. I don't know if my oldest son asked.
• Zunardo

  Since we were both 30 when we met and got engaged, I didn't see much use in asking permission, but I did think it was important to ask for a parental blessing - a very ambitious desire on my part, considering ours is an interracial marriage. Her father had passed away when she was 18, but she took me to meet her mother one evening. I got a very cool, non-committal response, several "uh-huh's" and "I see's". Not quite as positive a reaction as I'd hoped - not even a "Thank God you're marrying her, she won't be a spinster!"
  
  My future MIL went back to watching her Gunsmoke reruns for a minute, then said, "Well, she's of age, I can't stop her if that's what the two of you want to do. Just remember, she has 3 older brothers, all of them taller than you, and they'd hate see her get hurt."
  
  Fortunately, I didn't screw up and I ended up becoming her favorite (and only) son-in-law. I always felt like I was missing something by not meeting my wife's dad, though. One of my older co-workers who had known him told me later that he thought her father would have approved of me - eventually ........
• vball10set

  I didn't read all the posts, but imo you there's no need to ask--if you love her, you'll ask her regardless. However, it's a respect thing, and in many cases it means more to her than it does her dad.
• sleeper

  

  Zunardo;1831097 wrote:Since we were both 30 when we met and got engaged, I didn't see much use in asking permission, but I did think it was important to ask for a parental blessing - a very ambitious desire on my part, considering ours is an interracial marriage. Her father had passed away when she was 18, but she took me to meet her mother one evening. I got a very cool, non-committal response, several "uh-huh's" and "I see's". Not quite as positive a reaction as I'd hoped - not even a "Thank God you're marrying her, she won't be a spinster!"
  
  My future MIL went back to watching her Gunsmoke reruns for a minute, then said, "Well, she's of age, I can't stop her if that's what the two of you want to do. Just remember, she has 3 older brothers, all of them taller than you, and they'd hate see her get hurt."
  
  Fortunately, I didn't screw up and I ended up becoming her favorite (and only) son-in-law. I always felt like I was missing something by not meeting my wife's dad, though. One of my older co-workers who had known him told me later that he thought her father would have approved of me - eventually ........

  Always a quality person to threaten violence against those that want a mutually satisfying relationship. I would have responded "I'd hope you would raise those boys to understand that relationships can't be sustained by the threat of violence."
  
  Sorry your BILs are trash.
• Zunardo

  sleeper;1831103 wrote:Always a quality person to threaten violence against those that want a mutually satisfying relationship. I would have responded "I'd hope you would raise those boys to understand that relationships can't be sustained by the threat of violence."
  
  Sorry your BILs are trash.

  Classy response, sleeper. I didn't say a thing about what my brothers-in-law are like, and you have zero idea how my wife and I dealt with differences between our two families.. I'd hoped folks would read the humor into it. Unfortunately, it must have bypassed you. Hopefully the New Year will be better to you after today.
• sleeper

  

  Zunardo;1831105 wrote:Classy response, sleeper. I didn't say a thing about what my brothers-in-law are like, and you have zero idea how my wife and I dealt with differences between our two families.. I'd hoped folks would read the humor into it. Unfortunately, it must have bypassed you. Hopefully the New Year will be better to you after today.

  Yeah, no. You shouldn't tolerate people that discuss violence as 'humor'. Can you imagine if men said that to their son's girlfriend?
  
  No need to normalize any types of violence. Enjoy!
• O-Trap

  

  I asked not because I thought it should be necessary, but because I thought it might matter to her father, and she is close to her father.
  
  To be fair, I'd also gotten to know him well, and we were pretty chummy already. Went something like this (while sitting at the end of a lake dock, smoking cigars and sipping Scotch):
  
  Him: "So, you want to marry her, then?"
  Me: "I do."
  Him: "And you're gonna make sure she always has what she needs?"
  Me: "Yep. I will."
  Him: "Okay. Cool."
  
  I'm not sure it could have been easier.
• sleeper

  

  O-Trap;1831117 wrote:I asked not because I thought it should be necessary, but because I thought it might matter to her father, and she is close to her father.
  
  To be fair, I'd also gotten to know him well, and we were pretty chummy already. Went something like this (while sitting at the end of a lake dock, smoking cigars and sipping Scotch):
  
  Him: "So, you want to marry her, then?"
  Me: "I do."
  Him: "And you're gonna make sure she always has what she needs?"
  Me: "Yep. I will."
  Him: "Okay. Cool."
  
  I'm not sure it could have been easier.

  Did anyone else think O-trap was gay?
  
  TIL.
• O-Trap

  

  sleeper;1831123 wrote:Did anyone else think O-trap was gay?
  
  TIL.

  
• Sonofanump

  sleeper;1831123 wrote:Did anyone else think O-trap was gay?

  No.
• jmog

  sleeper;1831123 wrote:Did anyone else think O-trap was gay?
  
  TIL.

  I understand the stereotype, a well spoken intelligent man has a high chance to be gay.
  
  Exactly why no one ever mistakes sleeper for being gay.