Throw me some laughs

• Ironman92

  

  Horribly sad weekend. Keep it kinda clean please.
  
  Thanks
• 4cards

  

  ...Charlie gets a job as a boil sucker, sucking boils off of people. His first appointment, he goes to the door, knocks, and a big fat lady answers. They go into her kitchen, she pulls up her dress, and she has a huge boil just under the left cheek of her butt.
  Charlie puts his mouth around the boil, and just as he starts sucking as hard as he can, she lets out a huge fart...lbbbtt!!
  Charlie says, "You know, lady, it's people like you that make my job disgusting."
• said_aouita

  

  Cleveland Browns hired Jon Embree. His HC record was 4-21 at Colorado.
  
  Pretty funny if you ask me.
• like_that

  

  said_aouita;1375475 wrote:Cleveland Browns hired Jon Embree. His HC record was 4-21 at Colorado.
  
  Pretty funny if you ask me.

  TE coach of the chiefs in 2006-2008... His TE was a pro bowler every one of those years. TE coach of the Redskins in 2010, CHRIS COOLEY had nearly 1000 yards. Keep pretending you know anything about football though. Also, LOL at now trolling the Browns assistant hirings. I have a legit question for you, please refer to this basement post http://www.ohiochatter.com/forum/showthread.php?38769-Like_That-s-infractable-posts&p=1375567&viewfull=1#post1375567
• Ironman92

  

  said_aouita;1375475 wrote:Cleveland Browns hired Jon Embree. His HC record was 4-21 at Colorado.
  
  Pretty funny if you ask me.

  
  I didn't have real high expectations or anything....but giving an effort to piss off like_that, COA and others is not funny at all.
  
  I'm not a Cleveland fan either...but what you do is old and stale. My father-in law is now on his second hour of sleeping after being taken off of life support. Was looking for a cheap smile or lol between all of the heartbreaking moments with the family. I guess I shouldn't have bothered or explained that in the initial post....but thought my tone was readable. It's ok.
  
  Thanks
• like_that

  

  Ironman92;1375664 wrote:I didn't have real high expectations or anything....but giving an effort to piss off like_that, COA and others is not funny at all.
  
  I'm not a Cleveland fan either...but what you do is old and stale. My father-in law is now on his second hour of sleeping after being taken off of life support. Was looking for a cheap smile or lol between all of the heartbreaking moments with the family. I guess I shouldn't have bothered or explained that in the initial post....but thought my tone was readable. It's ok.
  
  Thanks

  My bad, I didn't even read the original post. My condolences.
  
  Not sure what can make you laugh considering your situation, but this happened in DC this past weekend:
  
  [video=youtube;HPiA9p58F2E][/video]
• mcburg93

  

  A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
  you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little
  Johnny.
  "None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
  The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
  thinking."
  Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three
  women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking
  the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling
  down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of
  the ice cream. Which one is married?"
  The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one
  that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
  "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like
  your thinking."
• mcburg93

  

  A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on - the previous day.
  
  The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but, nothing. Then I tried with-my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She - tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She - even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth-out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and-she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."
  
  The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" the old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the DARN jar open!"
• mcburg93

  

  Mother was out, and dad was in charge.
  She was maybe 2 1/2 years old.
  Someone had given her a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of her favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when she brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.
  After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, mom came home.
  Dad made her wait in the living room to watch her bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'
  Mum waited, and sure enough, here she came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she watched him drink it up.
  Then she said, (as only a mother would know),
  "'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"
• bases_loaded

  

  
• Ironman92

  

  like_that;1375667 wrote:My bad, I didn't even read the original post. My condolences.
  
  Not sure what can make you laugh considering your situation, but this happened in DC this past weekend:
  
  [video=youtube;HPiA9p58F2E][/video]

  
  Drunks are always funny
• Ironman92

  

  mcburg93;1375678 wrote:A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
  you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little
  Johnny.
  "None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
  The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
  thinking."
  Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three
  women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking
  the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling
  down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of
  the ice cream. Which one is married?"
  The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one
  that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
  "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like
  your thinking."

  
  I read this on my 18,000 jokes app
  
  Good choice. Lol
• said_aouita

  

  like_that;1375570 wrote: I have a legit question for you, please refer to this basement post

  Yea, ok. If it's a legit question, ask here d*ck head.
  
  Q: Want to hear a Browns joke? A: Brandon Weeden!
• wes_mantooth

  

  said_aouita;1375695 wrote:Yea, ok. If it's a legit question, ask here d*ck head.
  
  Q: Want to hear a Browns joke? A: Brandon Weeden!

  
  Man, your jokes and trolling are worse than RG3's knees....just terrible
• said_aouita

  

  wes_mantooth;1375701 wrote:Man, your jokes and trolling are worse than RG3's knees....just terrible

  Sad thing is rg3's knees will get better but my jokes won't.
• Laley23

  

  bases_loaded;1375684 wrote:

  Holy shit, I am dying. What a moron lol. C-Section...priceless confusion on that one!
• GoChiefs

  

  ccrunner609;1375689 wrote:I guess I could tell you about the nut last night that I induced.

  Did he enjoy it?
• Ironman92

  

  I guess the trolling on here is kinda funny when you think about it. Lol
  
  Why would anyone troll on this thread?
• Ironman92

  

  GoChiefs;1375711 wrote:Did he enjoy it?

  
  Best one yet.
• 4cards

  

  ...How do Mexicans take a family portrait?
  They all jam into the front seat and run a red light.
  
  
  ...An old guy says to the doctor, "Doc, I can't pee."
  The doctor says, "How old are you?"
  The guy says, "Ninety-six."
  The doctor says, "You've peed enough."
  
  ...An drunk stumbles into a confessional. The priest hears him come in, but then he doesn't hear anything, so the priest bangs on the wall.
  The drunk says, "Forget it, buddy. There's no paper in this one, either."
• SportsAndLady

  

  
• friendfromlowry

  Here's a text I got from my friend yesterday: "I just realized the head coaches of the two super bowl teams are brothers."
• Ironman92

  

  4cards;1375776 wrote:...How do Mexicans take a family portrait?
  They all jam into the front seat and run a red light.
  
  
  ...An old guy says to the doctor, "Doc, I can't pee."
  The doctor says, "How old are you?"
  The guy says, "Ninety-six."
  The doctor says, "You've peed enough."
  
  ...An drunk stumbles into a confessional. The priest hears him come in, but then he doesn't hear anything, so the priest bangs on the wall.
  The drunk says, "Forget it, buddy. There's no paper in this one, either."

  
  That Mexican joke was funny.
  
  
  Thanks for your efforts everyone.....we are going on 7 1/2 off the life support, not a Dr or nurse here thought he'd last more than a couple minutes.
  
  One amazing story, if you care to read. This 71 year old who has smoked for 55 years at 2 packs a day and has stage 4 cancer throughout most of his torso, along with skin cancer, pneumonia and a stomach aneurysm.....he was on life support in order to get family here and when his medicine needed changed every 2 hours for his blood pressure he would go from 100/60 to 38/30 in the 30 seconds to a minute to change and kick in.......pulled all tubes out and 7 1/2 hours later with nothing but pain medicine and his current BP is 98/58.
  
  Thanks again, no more stories from me but I will keep looking for funny stuff if you post.
• GoChiefs

  

  This isn't funny, but it's a pretty bad ass video. Some cool stuff in it.
  
  [video=youtube;A6XUVjK9W4o][/video]
• slcoach

  Awesome video, but I call b/s on the Longoria video.