Ohio Chatter DEV

Glassy

Here is the scenario: Been married 8 years. My wife was married before and has a daughter from her previous marriage. We also have a daughter going into middle school at the school district we live in, which is my old hiigh school. I own 2 businesses, 1 hr 30 minutes apart. Where we live is centrally located. Stepdaughter up till this year went to a school close to one of my businesses (45 minutes from our home) because my wife worked right beside the school and its her alma matter.

This past winter my wife got promoted to a job in our county. Much closer and more pay. We talked to the stepdaughter about going to the school district that we live in. Was hesitant at first but no big ordeal. I even got her a late season tryout for cheerleading, she made the team.

I missed alot of work getting her to and from cheerleading practice all summer (she is not old enough to drive yet). No biggie....I am self employed. Bit the bullet so to speak. Trying to make for a smooth transition.

Throughout the summer she would stay with her dad's family (dad doesnt have much to do with her) here and there and when she would come back you could tell they had brainwashed her into trying to get her to live with them (grandparents) and stay at the same school she was previously going to (they live in the same county as the old school- 1 hr from our house). After battling this all summer, spending hundreds of dollars on cheerleading and missing work to get her back and forth, I was told last night that she is no longer going to go to the school district we live in and I was now held responsible for getting her back and forth to school.....again an hour from our home but close to one of my businesses.

Just a few things:

1.) It is not good for a marriage or family to have one kid going to a school 1 hr away from home. Pretty retarded actually.
2.) Financially it sucks at nearly $4 a gallon for gas. That promotion raise my wife got just went in the shitter.
3.) Even though one of my businesses is close to the school that she has went to her entire school life, I have a second business that I cannot neglect almost an hour the other direction from our house because I now have to take her to school every morning.
4.) not good for a kid to start an activity and then quit right before it actually starts
5.) I stuck my neck out for my stepdaughter to get her these tryouts in the summer (same school I graduated from) to really look like a fool if she quits.
6.) Stepdaughter played ball all summer with girls from the school district she lives in to make friends before school starts and was adapting great. With her out going personality my wife and I both know that she would be fine as long as she gives the new school a try. Making friends wont be an issue.

Last night it became a huge fight. I tried to get my wife to understand the big picture but she always tries to make the ex inlaws (grandparents) happy because they were raising a shit fit over my step daughter actually going to the school district she lives in and is now 15 minutes from my wife's new work. I am at my wits end. My stepdaughter is involved in lots of activities so my wife will be running an hour one way after work to go to her stuff and then not get home till really late every night she is involved with something at school. I am also expected to stay after work when needed and not get home till late if my wife cannot make it to get her due to her work schedule.

And before anyone asks my wife has full custody of her daughter. And I will also state that my suggestion is that my stepdaughter move in permanently with the ex in laws if she wants to still go to school there because I cannot neglect one of my businesses during the school year to be a taxi cab. Of course my wife is dead against her daughter not living with us.

I am fed up. Suggestions?

Raw Dawgin' it

Glassy;1243744 wrote:I am fed up. Suggestions?

write shorter posts.

Raw Dawgin' it

Honestly - stop driving her. If In laws want her to go to school near them they can come pick her up and take her or you can have your wife drive her. You need to just remove yourself from the situation so everyone else can see what a fuck waste of time it is to drive her so much. Let your wife deal with dropping her off or your in laws doing it and see how long before they change their tune.

like_that

Tl;dr

ernest_t_bass

Make her stay

Glassy

Raw Dawgin' it;1243752 wrote:Honestly - stop driving her. If In laws want her to go to school near them they can come pick her up and take her or you can have your wife drive her. You need to just remove yourself from the situation so everyone else can see what a **** waste of time it is to drive her so much. Let your wife deal with dropping her off or your in laws doing it and see how long before they change their tune.

I agree 100%. That was the reason for the big fight. As I said when my wife took the job close to us, I agreed to do it the remainder of the school year as to not make her move in the middle of the year but I have flat out said that I will not drive her at all this year.

brutus161

Raw Dawgin' it;1243752 wrote:Honestly - stop driving her. If In laws want her to go to school near them they can come pick her up and take her or you can have your wife drive her. You need to just remove yourself from the situation so everyone else can see what a fuck waste of time it is to drive her so much. Let your wife deal with dropping her off or your in laws doing it and see how long before they change their tune.

This

SnotBubbles

It wouldn't have been an option with my parents. I would have went to school in the district I lived in. If I didn't like it...tough.

Going to school 1 hour away from home is absolutely ridiculous. This isn't Africa. You have to stand your ground, no matter how much tension it causes. There will be more fights over the commute than there will be over the decision to have her go to school in the district she lives. Seriously, it's going to create a LOT of ill feelings towards you and your wife & you and your stepdaughter. Like the times you don't want to take her to a basketball game in the snow on a Friday night.

Raw Dawgin' it

Glassy;1243755 wrote:I agree 100%. That was the reason for the big fight. As I said when my wife took the job close to us, I agreed to do it the remainder of the school year as to not make her move in the middle of the year but I have flat out said that I will not drive her at all this year.

Stick to your guns man, the second they're all inconvenienced by driving her all over hell and creation they'll change their tune.

said_aouita

Made it down to "Just a few things:" and realized I really don't care.

BTW- Cheerleading is stupid.

hope this helps

Glory Days

This is pretty easy. like everyone else said. dont drive her and tell there are two options. 1-she moves in with you and goes to school by you. 2-if she goes to school an hour away, she will get a job now, save up for a car, while her mom drives her to school everyday.

hasbeen

Glassy;1243744 wrote:Here is the scenario: Been married 8 years. My wife was married before and has a daughter from her previous marriage. We also have a daughter going into middle school at the school district we live in, which is my old hiigh school. I own 2 businesses, 1 hr 30 minutes apart. Where we live is centrally located. Stepdaughter up till this year went to a school close to one of my businesses (45 minutes from our home) because my wife worked right beside the school and its her alma matter.

This past winter my wife got promoted to a job in our county. Much closer and more pay. We talked to the stepdaughter about going to the school district that we live in. Was hesitant at first but no big ordeal. I even got her a late season tryout for cheerleading, she made the team.

I missed alot of work getting her to and from cheerleading practice all summer (she is not old enough to drive yet). No biggie....I am self employed. Bit the bullet so to speak. Trying to make for a smooth transition.

Throughout the summer she would stay with her dad's family (dad doesnt have much to do with her) here and there and when she would come back you could tell they had brainwashed her into trying to get her to live with them (grandparents) and stay at the same school she was previously going to (they live in the same county as the old school- 1 hr from our house). After battling this all summer, spending hundreds of dollars on cheerleading and missing work to get her back and forth, I was told last night that she is no longer going to go to the school district we live in and I was now held responsible for getting her back and forth to school.....again an hour from our home but close to one of my businesses.

Just a few things:

1.) It is not good for a marriage or family to have one kid going to a school 1 hr away from home. Pretty retarded actually.
2.) Financially it sucks at nearly $4 a gallon for gas. That promotion raise my wife got just went in the shitter.
3.) Even though one of my businesses is close to the school that she has went to her entire school life, I have a second business that I cannot neglect almost an hour the other direction from our house because I now have to take her to school every morning.
4.) not good for a kid to start an activity and then quit right before it actually starts
5.) I stuck my neck out for my stepdaughter to get her these tryouts in the summer (same school I graduated from) to really look like a fool if she quits.
6.) Stepdaughter played ball all summer with girls from the school district she lives in to make friends before school starts and was adapting great. With her out going personality my wife and I both know that she would be fine as long as she gives the new school a try. Making friends wont be an issue.

Last night it became a huge fight. I tried to get my wife to understand the big picture but she always tries to make the ex inlaws (grandparents) happy because they were raising a shit fit over my step daughter actually going to the school district she lives in and is now 15 minutes from my wife's new work. I am at my wits end. My stepdaughter is involved in lots of activities so my wife will be running an hour one way after work to go to her stuff and then not get home till really late every night she is involved with something at school. I am also expected to stay after work when needed and not get home till late if my wife cannot make it to get her due to her work schedule.

And before anyone asks my wife has full custody of her daughter. And I will also state that my suggestion is that my stepdaughter move in permanently with the ex in laws if she wants to still go to school there because I cannot neglect one of my businesses during the school year to be a taxi cab. Of course my wife is dead against her daughter not living with us.

I am fed up. Suggestions?

First things first, who really cares if your step-daughter bails? I don't think too many people will judge that at the school(same school you graduated from).

1.) It is not good for a marriage or family to have one kid going to a school 1 hr away from home. Pretty retarded actually.

No, it's not. It is retarded. Unless that school offers something, educational, that the other doesn't.

2.) Financially it sucks at nearly $4 a gallon for gas. That promotion raise my wife got just went in the shitter.

She'd better get a job to pay for it.

3.) Even though one of my businesses is close to the school that she has went to her entire school life, I have a second business that I cannot neglect almost an hour the other direction from our house because I now have to take her to school every morning.

You CAN'T neglect a business. Therefore, you won't. If you're going to work at the close business, sure you'll drop her off. If you need to go to the other one, tough shit to her.

4.) not good for a kid to start an activity and then quit right before it actually starts

I agree.

5.) I stuck my neck out for my stepdaughter to get her these tryouts in the summer (same school I graduated from) to really look like a fool if she quits.

I feel like this shouldn't be that big of a deal.

6.) Stepdaughter played ball all summer with girls from the school district she lives in to make friends before school starts and was adapting great. With her out going personality my wife and I both know that she would be fine as long as she gives the new school a try. Making friends wont be an issue.

Frankly, explain that if she wants to go to the other school district, she needs to either a: live with her grandparents; or b: find a ride for the days you can't drive her.

She lives in your house. And this would go for your biological child too, it is not your job to appease her every whim. If she wants something out of the way, she needs to find the arrangements to consistently get to school. Explain that if she is truant or tardy constantly because of a lack of a ride, she is coming back.

I think you should just force her to stick with the close by school district(the same one where you graduated from). She'll be pissy for a while, but then she'll meet a football player with something she likes and be fine.

justincredible

I agree with the others that actually gave a legit answer. This is a ridiculous situation and there is no way in hell you should be driving her an hour each way to school. Completely absurd. Your wife needs to forget about the EX in-laws and making them happy.

Belly35

Your family is wife, daughter and stepdaughter … that is your concern and the concern of your wife. You do want is right for the family yours and your wife present family not the in law, not ex dad…. screw them and what they want this is “THE FAMILY”. Sorry but setting the standard that “Family” means the four of you and only than.

Ask yourself this question and your wife and kids what is more important to the family and the health of the family…
Drive time or Family time… dinner at home, going to events, supporting the kids and quality time with them/ family for both you and the wife and less stress on the family as a whole. Look at the future when she get her licenses does she really what that drive time 2 hours out of every day and the potential danger of accidents … windshield time or family structure ?

Heretic

Raw Dawgin' it;1243752 wrote:Honestly - stop driving her. If In laws want her to go to school near them they can come pick her up and take her or you can have your wife drive her. You need to just remove yourself from the situation so everyone else can see what a fuck waste of time it is to drive her so much. Let your wife deal with dropping her off or your in laws doing it and see how long before they change their tune.

Damn! Maybe Justin is right about you being the voice of reason. No better answer can be given. If the wife's parents are going to overrule you, then make them do ALL the legwork.

Glassy

Heretic;1243837 wrote:Damn! Maybe Justin is right about you being the voice of reason. No better answer can be given. If the wife's parents are going to overrule you, then make them do ALL the legwork.

Its not even my wife's parents. They are great. Its her ex in laws who are the grandparents in this situation!

Glassy

Thanks for all of the feedback. I was just looking for an angle I may have missed and assurance.

Scarlet_Buckeye

You are right, your wife is wrong.....I suggest you show here these posts. Further, a decision such as this should not be a decision a "child" makes. It should be a decision the parental "adults" make. Also, your wife's ex in-laws should not be involved in this decision making process. It should strictly be between her and you (as her husband).

Raw Dawgin' it

Buy lube and enjoy jerking it for a bit cause you won't be getting laid for awhile until she realize how dumb the situation really is.

justincredible

Scarlet_Buckeye;1243848 wrote:You are right, your wife is wrong.....I suggest you show here these posts.

Wife: "Soooo, you're taking advice on our marriage and this situation from a bag of dicks on the internet?!"

Heretic

justincredible;1243852 wrote:Wife: "Soooo, you're taking advice on our marriage and this situation from a bag of dicks on the internet?!"

Yeah...I definitely wouldn't be following SB's advice. People who have dealt with women know that they tend to not take it all that gracefully when you use things like message board posts from random strangers as evidence that you're right on a family issue.

FatHobbit

Raw Dawgin' it;1243752 wrote:Honestly - stop driving her. If In laws want her to go to school near them they can come pick her up and take her or you can have your wife drive her. You need to just remove yourself from the situation so everyone else can see what a fuck waste of time it is to drive her so much. Let your wife deal with dropping her off or your in laws doing it and see how long before they change their tune.

This is a great post. It's not inconvenient for them, so it doesn't seem like a big deal. If it means so much to them, let them do the work and waste their time and gas. If I were you I wouldn't be opposed to taking her on the days that you are going that way, but let them do it the rest of the time.

queencitybuckeye

The day I married my stepson's mother was the day I became an equal partner in how he was raised. We make all family decision together, and my parents/in-laws don't get a vote.

password

Glassy;1243842 wrote:Thanks for all of the feedback. I was just looking for an angle I may have missed and assurance.

There is one angle you have missed.... you and your wife are the adults in the family and she is a child that lives under your roof for free, so that means she does as she is told to do. I don't know what type of businesses you own, but I am sure they help support your family, including the little brat that is being difficult because that is what most teenagers do for fun, so there really isn't much of a argument for her to have control over the school she will be attending. Unless there is a problem with the new school, such as bad academics, drugs or increased teen pregnancy compared to the other school, she needs to go to the new school for this year to make it easier on you and your wife and then you can re-evaluate it next year if needed.

TedSheckler

password;1243879 wrote:you and your wife are the adults in the family and she is a child that lives under your roof for free, so that means she does as she is told to do.

This.

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