What is the verdict?

• FatHobbit

  

  password;1243879 wrote:There is one angle you have missed.... you and your wife are the adults in the family and she is a child that lives under your roof for free, so that means she does as she is told to do. I don't know what type of businesses you own, but I am sure they help support your family, including the little brat that is being difficult because that is what most teenagers do for fun, so there really isn't much of a argument for her to have control over the school she will be attending. Unless there is a problem with the new school, such as bad academics, drugs or increased teen pregnancy compared to the other school, she needs to go to the new school for this year to make it easier on you and your wife and then you can re-evaluate it next year if needed.

  I think it's the wife who is saying the kid is going to the old school, not the kid.
• Belly35

  

  password;1243879 wrote:There is one angle you have missed.... you and your wife are the adults in the family and she is a child that lives under your roof for free, so that means she does as she is told to do.

  Wrong
  
  Family does not have a cost of anything .. free ...What price is it without a roof? </SPAN>
  
  Sorry but you took the responsibility to marry this women, her daughter and all the factors .... attaching a idea that you have ownership never ends well. </SPAN>
  
  Passion, love, understanding, wisdom, support, forgiveness &#8230;.. that a real roof </SPAN>
• Pick6

  

  You could have avoided this situation by sending her to the closest school to your house to begin with.
  
  Can't really blame her for wanting to go to a school where she has made her best friends. My suggestions is she goes to the closest school, once she gets her license and a job, give her the opportunity to go back to that school. Other option is she can go live with her grandparents or father. Like you said, your wife is against that though. A child leaving one parent to go live with another is a touchy situation. I know from experience.
• OneBuckeye

  

  queencitybuckeye;1243867 wrote:The day I married my stepson's mother was the day I became an equal partner in how he was raised. We make all family decision together, and my parents/in-laws don't get a vote.

  This. You need to re-evaluate this part with your wife and daughter first. You just need to tell your step daughter how it is. Lots of kids switch schools every year.
• Cher

  What school does the daughter want to go to?
• hasbeen

  

  justincredible;1243852 wrote:Wife: "Soooo, you're taking advice on our marriage and this situation from a bag of dicks on the internet?!"
  
  

  
  Personal attack? I felt it.
• Glassy

  

  Pick6;1243915 wrote:You could have avoided this situation by sending her to the closest school to your house to begin with.
  
  Can't really blame her for wanting to go to a school where she has made her best friends. My suggestions is she goes to the closest school, once she gets her license and a job, give her the opportunity to go back to that school. Other option is she can go live with her grandparents or father. Like you said, your wife is against that though. A child leaving one parent to go live with another is a touchy situation. I know from experience.

  It was actually very handy because my wife held an administrative position with a state organization right next to the school. My wife worked there for several years before we married and my stepdaughter had just started school there when we started dating.
  
  My wife chose the promotion to the county that we live in and she really likes the new job and extra salary. But it brought in this entire issue of schooling.
  
  Hobbit- it is not my wife saying that she is going to the old school. My wife is on board with making it easier on everyone in our household by having her to go the new school in which district we live in. Problem is the grandparents (ex in laws) live in the old school district and cant get past her not being close to them everyday (not that the go to all of her functions anyways). The issue with my wife is that she is allowing her daughter to choose between living with crazy ex inlaws and attend the old school or living at home with us and going to the new school.
  
  I was the liaison of transportation even into early summer until the grandpa decided to run his mouth to me in front of my stepdaughter at my business during a pick up/drop off. To them (ex inlaw grandparents) I am the root of all of this evil because my wife married me 8 yrs ago living a hour from them and my wife is to also blame in their eyes because she took a better Director job closer to home for more money. After wanting to pull the grandpa out of the truck at my business and beating him to death (didnt because my stepdaughter was there) for telling me how he really feels about my wife and I, all transportation on my end was stopped which left them not seeing her much at all during the summer. And dont feel sorry for grandpa.....he is only 52.
  
  My wife also receives child support from the ex husband. In 8 years and nearly $10K of medical bills, braces etc he has failed to step up and pay his half. She has only gotten child support from the dead beat for 2 years. I told my wife that if the stepdaughter decides to live with the ex in laws he will for sure have the child support order stopped, but will be filing for her to pay him since the residence has changed.
  
  Its a mess. I love my stepdaughter, been in her life and tried to be the best father figure (and only) to her for the past 8 years. Of course I want to see her happy but there is a bigger picture here that includes our entire family. The day I married my wife I glady knew her daughter was part of the package. IMO if the crazy ex inlaws cant support my wife and stepdaughter in this transition my wife should not let her go with the ex inlaws so they can bribe and brainwash her. Sorry to be so long in the responses.
• FatHobbit

  

  Glassy;1243968 wrote:Hobbit- it is not my wife saying that she is going to the old school. My wife is on board with making it easier on everyone in our household by having her to go the new school in which district we live in. Problem is the grandparents (ex in laws) live in the old school district and cant get past her not being close to them everyday (not that the go to all of her functions anyways). The issue with my wife is that she is allowing her daughter to choose between living with crazy ex inlaws and attend the old school or living at home with us and going to the new school.

  I misunderstood. Fuck that then. She goes to the new school district where you live. Someday when she is an adult she will get to decide where she lives and goes to school/work, but until then she goes by your families rules. IMHO
• Pick6

  

  FatHobbit;1243977 wrote:I misunderstood. Fuck that then. She goes to the new school district where you live. Someday when she is an adult she will get to decide where she lives and goes to school/work, but until then she goes by your families rules. IMHO

  Agreed
• justincredible

  

  hasbeen;1243962 wrote:Personal attack? I felt it.

  I meant it. Yeah.
• queencitybuckeye

  Glassy;1243968 wrote:The issue with my wife is that she is allowing her daughter to choose between living with crazy ex inlaws and attend the old school or living at home with us and going to the new school.
  

  Sorry if this is out of line, but you don't have a child-rearing issue, you have a marriage issue.
• derek bomar

  

  TedSheckler;1243884 wrote:This.

  
  
  +1. When did we let kids tell parents what the fuck they're going to do?
• Glassy

  

  FatHobbit;1243977 wrote:I misunderstood. **** that then. She goes to the new school district where you live. Someday when she is an adult she will get to decide where she lives and goes to school/work, but until then she goes by your families rules. IMHO

  
  I agree 100%. My family moved 30 minutes when I was 6 yrs old. My older sister was 11. We didnt have crap to say about it. WE KNEW NOT TO!
  
  If my wife is stupid enough to let her choose and she ultimately chooses to live with the ex in laws, so be it. I have done my part and will stay out of it. Hopefully given my wifes intelligent she will see past her "please my daughter" emotions and lay the law down. She holds the trump card. All she has to say is "your going here and thats the end of it".
  
  I dont even want to think of my stepdaughter making a choice to move to go to the old school, but if it happens I hope my wife is strong enough to put the hammer down on her.
  
  At the end of the day she is my stepdaughter and all I can do is try to talk sense into my wife. I would ultimately lose a huge amount of respect for my wife if she would actually allow her to move. We will find out soon as today, no later than tomorrow as things need to be done at the school she is going to attend at the start of next week.
• hasbeen

  

  justincredible;1243986 wrote:I meant it. Yeah.

  
  Don't get testy, boss.
  
  My sister transferred schools before high school. School was a 15 minute drive out of my dads way, but she discussed her reasoning and my parents agreed. That's an okay situation. This one is fucked up. Ex in laws don't matter.
• Scarlet_Buckeye

  

  What grade is the child in / how old is she?
  
  #1 can't BELIEVE your wife would even consider letting her child live with someone else.
  
  #2 agree with the other posters, this is an adult decision, the child should not have much say at all. Ultimately she should simply be told this is where were live, this is the school you're going to, and that's the end of it.
• Glassy

  

  queencitybuckeye;1243987 wrote:Sorry if this is out of line, but you don't have a child-rearing issue, you have a marriage issue.

  No offense taken. Main root of the issue is my wife puts her daughter first above everything......and she has become one of these parents that wants to be more of a friend than parent. That is definitely not my style.
  
  I am a believer that the husband/wife are teammates. They should have each other's backs above anything else. If they are getting along great in the house, everyone will feel happy, safe and comfortable.
  
  But teenage kids know how to play sides also. She should have dropped the hammer long ago.
  
  And if I had ex inlaws ( I dont) and they talked to my wife about both of us the way her ex inlaw talked to me (once) I would not have my kid going anywhere around them. But she is too worried about upsetting her daughter and feels like that would be keeping her daughter from the grandparents. F that!
• Glassy

  

  Scarlet_Buckeye;1244013 wrote:What grade is the child in / how old is she?
  
  #1 can't BELIEVE your wife would even consider letting her child live with someone else.
  
  #2 agree with the other posters, this is an adult decision, the child should not have much say at all. Ultimately she should simply be told this is where were live, this is the school you're going to, and that's the end of it.

  13 going into 8th grade
• password

  

  You have only one option left if you are going to fix this problem before it gets out of hand...good luck.
  
  http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-dad-accused-of-waterboarding-daughter,0,1896478.story
• Glassy

  

  Might as well scratch the entire thread. My wife, completely contrary to any suggestion I have given her, gave the choice to my stepdaughter to live with her dad and go to the old school or live with us and try the new school. Still amazed at the decision, she is going to live with superdad who has barely been involved in her life for the past 8 years.
  
  Needless to say I lost alot of respect for certain people in the past 2 hours. My wife thinks that it is good to let her do it to see how her dad really is, thinking she will come running back.
  
  
  Looks like tonight its bottoms up.
• queencitybuckeye

  Glassy;1244094 wrote:
  Looks like tonight its bottoms up.

  PIIHB?
• Glassy

  

  queencitybuckeye;1244097 wrote:PIIHB?

  Possibly. Depends how drunk I get in the hot tub how quickly depression from my wife's decision creeps in.
• OneBuckeye

  

  Glassy;1244103 wrote:Possibly. Depends how drunk I get in the hot tub how quickly depression from my wife's decision creeps in.

  Soon.
  
  Now that you have all this extra time on your hands.
• Heretic

  

  Glassy;1244094 wrote:Might as well scratch the entire thread. My wife, completely contrary to any suggestion I have given her, gave the choice to my stepdaughter to live with her dad and go to the old school or live with us and try the new school. Still amazed at the decision, she is going to live with superdad who has barely been involved in her life for the past 8 years.
  
  Needless to say I lost alot of respect for certain people in the past 2 hours. My wife thinks that it is good to let her do it to see how her dad really is, thinking she will come running back.
  
  
  Looks like tonight its bottoms up.

  Man, I see what you mean when you said the wife looks to be more a friend to the daughter than a mom. I'm kind of half laughing/half cringing at how my parents would have reacted if I demanded equal say in things like this when I was 13 or whatever. Something tells me that I'd have a prescription for pain filled out ASAP.
• Scarlet_Buckeye

  

  Sounds to me like you're STILL going to be doing a LOT of running back and forth........now constantly picking her up and dropping her off for visits.
• FatHobbit

  

  Is Glassy really thavoice?