Daughter heckled

• Pariah

  Interesting events at my daughter's last game. She was inbounding the ball in front of the opposing team's student section, mostly boys. One of the boys came over stood very close to her and started saying something to her. The ref moved him a row back into the stands and threatened him with ejection if he came back.
  
  Folks began telling me that he was saying, "You're hot" and the like. When the ref began moving him back, he supposedly said, "She's my wife!"
  
  I wasn't too happy about it, so I spoke to the young man out in the lobby at half. I asked him what he said to my daughter. Kid's eyes were big as saucers. He replied, "I just said she was good looking." I squeezed him on the shoulder, patted him on the back and said firmly, "I don't recommend you do that - it makes Dad unhappy." He behaved the rest of the game.
  
  The ref handled the situation really well, but it made me think that something like that could turn into a really ugly situation if the refs don't handle it and if angry dads feel like they have to confront hecklers. I don't think the kid meant any harm, but he obviously didn't have the judgement to know that he went too far in trying to get into the heads of the opponent.
  
  Daughter said if the ref hadn't stepped in, she was going to slug him! Now that would have put some excitement into an otherwise dull game!
• buckeyedan

  Always a tough situation. I've seen and heard worse, unfortunatley...
  Refs and administrators really have to step in whenever something like this happens and boys or girls games of any sorts (good that the ref did here)...
  
  Remember if she would have "slugged him" she would have been suspended for the ENTIRE SEASON by OHSAA rule...
  
  It's unnerving in those situations and it's a great lesson for the kids!
  I do agree he was very lucky her father was very understanding! That could have been a bad situation!
• Thunder70

  

  Good for both of you. I don't have any kids but I hope I handle stuff as calmly as you did. Wish more refs cared more about the players than just getting the paycheck.
• vball10set

  sounds like everything ended up okay,but I don't know if putting your hand on the kid was such a great idea--I'm a dad,and I've also had asshole kids heckling my daughter,but you've got to be careful when acting out physically(even though in your case there really wasn't much contact)...you never know when someone may scream "assault",know what I mean??
• majorspark

  

  Pariah,
  I'm sure when you gave him that gentle squeeze on the shoulder, the young man was squeezing something out into his drawers.
• Pariah

  Dan,
  
  Something tells me if she had slugged him, she would have ended up with something less than a rest of the season suspension, but maybe so. I don't know how serious she was. Maybe it was something she wanted to do, but wouldn't have done because of the venue. That's why it is important that refs address that situation quickly as this one did. It used to be that when a lady was insulted by a fellow, she was within her rights to slap his ears back - but I guess not on the basketball court!
  
  You do have to be careful putting your hands on kids in any situation, but some kids need the brown scared out of them. Like I said, I don't think the kid meant any serious harm. He appeared to me to be the class goofball who doesn't always think before he does or says something. Probably wasn't spanked enough.
• ricola

  

  I smiled reading this because i can imagine *exactly* how that hallway conversation between Pariah and said youngster might have gone! Probably did more to prevent any futher heckling by him than any school official or ref would have been able to do. I'm sure it was handled appropriately. kudos.
• pepperpot

  I am sure this will not be the last time your daughteer gets heckled. Should not happen , but it does. You and the official handled it quite well.
• Mr. 300

  

  Pariah, I'll be sure and send my son out to your next game. He's a real good kid, a stud in sports, and good looking to boot!!!
  
  
  
  You handled it well, but good money would have been paid to see her be a one hitter quitter.
• ricola

  

  Mr. 300 wrote: Pariah, I'll be sure and send my son out to your next game. He's a real good kid, a stud in sports, and good looking to boot!!!
  
  
  
  You handled it well, but good money would have been paid to see her be a one hitter quitter.

  btw 300, was that your lilting voice i heard on the radio again? making a comeback?..or was i mistaken?
• bluishgreen

  personally pariah id rather deal with you then your daughter, shes taller then you and very aggressive...i wouldnt mess with her! lol. but yes if she hits someeone she is gone for the season with no questions asked, regardless of what program shes in or who her coach might be...
  
  and id also say to leave that kind of thing go unless it goes overboard and threatens your daughter...all girls get heckled by opposing student sections...someone made a great point by saying youre saving yourself the possibility of trouble and also...you have no idea how his parents would react if they seen you doing that to him. if that was me and my dad seen it im afraid to say there would be some serious issues and probably cops involved...just save yourself, your daughter and the school some trouble and allow her to use her maturity and focus to overcome the students shananigans...
• Darkon

  

  Pariah wrote:
  I wasn't too happy about it, so I spoke to the young man out in the lobby at half. I asked him what he said to my daughter. Kid's eyes were big as saucers. He replied, "I just said she was good looking." I squeezed him on the shoulder, patted him on the back and said firmly, "I don't recommend you do that - it makes Dad unhappy." He behaved the rest of the game.

  I understand you wanting to give this kid a mssage, but I don't agree with your actions. As a parent if I saw someone with thier hand on my kid, I would be confronting you.
  Heckling unfortunatly happens(mainly by students) and this seemed to be harmless. I have seen my kids names on messge boards and that will fire you up. Better get thicker skin if your daughter continues to compete.
• Ghmothwdwhso

  Darkon wrote:

  Pariah wrote:
  I wasn't too happy about it, so I spoke to the young man out in the lobby at half. I asked him what he said to my daughter. Kid's eyes were big as saucers. He replied, "I just said she was good looking." I squeezed him on the shoulder, patted him on the back and said firmly, "I don't recommend you do that - it makes Dad unhappy." He behaved the rest of the game.

  I understand you wanting to give this kid a mssage, but I don't agree with your actions. As a parent if I saw someone with thier hand on my kid, I would be confronting you.
  Heckling unfortunatly happens(mainly by students) and this seemed to be harmless. I have seen my kids names on messge boards and that will fire you up. Better get thicker skin if your daughter continues to compete.

  Darkon, I call B.S. If it were your son and you were a respectful parent, your son wouldn't have made those comments. If you were a respectful parent and witnessed Pariah talking to your son, YOU should say "Thank you sir, I'll take over from here" and lead your son out of the school and have a talk with him.
  
  Too many fathers won't/don't man-up to their son and teach them proper behavior.
  
  Hopefully you understand I am not commenting about you directly.
• Mr. 300

  

  ricola wrote:

  Mr. 300 wrote: Pariah, I'll be sure and send my son out to your next game. He's a real good kid, a stud in sports, and good looking to boot!!!
  
  
  
  You handled it well, but good money would have been paid to see her be a one hitter quitter.

  btw 300, was that your lilting voice i heard on the radio again? making a comeback?..or was i mistaken?

  
  Those are my golden dulcetones vibrating across the airwaves. Comeback??? NO. I'd love to do it, but no time in the schedule. When the boys are out of sports/school, maybe I'll crawl back in the booth.
• Darkon

  

  Ghmothwdwhso wrote:

  Darkon wrote:

  Pariah wrote:
  I wasn't too happy about it, so I spoke to the young man out in the lobby at half. I asked him what he said to my daughter. Kid's eyes were big as saucers. He replied, "I just said she was good looking." I squeezed him on the shoulder, patted him on the back and said firmly, "I don't recommend you do that - it makes Dad unhappy." He behaved the rest of the game.

  I understand you wanting to give this kid a mssage, but I don't agree with your actions. As a parent if I saw someone with thier hand on my kid, I would be confronting you.
  Heckling unfortunatly happens(mainly by students) and this seemed to be harmless. I have seen my kids names on messge boards and that will fire you up. Better get thicker skin if your daughter continues to compete.

  Darkon, I call B.S. If it were your son and you were a respectful parent, your son wouldn't have made those comments. If you were a respectful parent and witnessed Pariah talking to your son, YOU should say "Thank you sir, I'll take over from here" and lead your son out of the school and have a talk with him.
  
  Too many fathers won't/don't man-up to their son and teach them proper behavior.
  
  Hopefully you understand I am not commenting about you directly.

  No doubt I would have a talk with my son if he had done something like this.
  The problem I would have is seeing a stranger with his hand on my son. Mr. Pariah I'm sure was not going to hurt this kid but his comments could come accross as threatening. Not sure what I would have done if I were in Mr. Pariah's shoes either. It would only take one idiot to escalate the situation.
  My kids have gone on to college. But I as any parent have that same drive to protect them.
  I to want everyone to understand I mean no disrespect. Just having a discussion.
• buckeyedan

  bluishgreen wrote: personally pariah id rather deal with you then your daughter, shes taller then you and very aggressive...i wouldnt mess with her! lol. but yes if she hits someeone she is gone for the season with no questions asked, regardless of what program shes in or who her coach might be...

  Actually I was wrong... the OHSAA rule is not rest of the season... it's rest of the SCHOOL YEAR...
  
  as with most rules it was put in place to stop this type of thing that apparently became an issue in some boys games (players getting into it with fans)
  
  which of course it puts the emphasis on the officials and just as importantly the school administrators to STOP this from happening! When the kids cross the line... and this crossed the line... they must step in!
  
  In this case it seems the official did just that...
  
  I also agree that while Pariah didn't really cross any lines it is not a great idea to escalate it more because as bluishgreen said: you never know what THEY or their PARENTS might do if they witness you confronting THEIR child...
  
  What the child did was wrong...
  but I think I would be more upset with and adult physically confronting and basically threatening my child than another child heckling them...
  so perception is key
  just as you are going to be upset hearing your child heckeled
  you are going to be upset seeing your child confronted!
  
  let those in charge deal with it
• THE4RINGZ

  

  If there is an ongoing problem with this school or their fans have your AD call their AD and let them work it out.
  
  Threatening a kid in the hallway because he said something directly to your daughter? Seriously? You are one lucky man to have gotten away with that.
  
  If you and/or your daughter can't accept some jeering from the home crowd when you are playing on the road perhaps finding an activity for her where she might not be "heckled" seems like a good solution for both of you.
• TMajic

  Heck, I will just whistle at her as she walks by!!!
• 4theteam

  Part of the game is being heckled by the student section, part of home court advantage. Sounds like the ref did his job and put it in check. Players have to tune out and ignore everything around them. Sounds like you overreacted to the incident. We had a girl on our team get heckled at a game a few nights ago in front of the student section, she drained a 3 pointer and shut em' right up. That's how you put that in check as a player. - - IMO.
• Pariah

  I always get a kick out of people who read something, make all kinds of assumptions, fill in their own facts, and then make sweeping judgements that have no relevance to the actual situation.
  
  First, daughter has been heckled many times, just like every other player. There is no problem with thin skin - hers or mine. The problem here was that this young man got into my daughter's space during a game and essentially spoke into her ear. That was what the ref was responding to, and that was what I didn't like. If he says it from the bleachers, then that's his right to be a jerk, but when he gets within a certain distance, his presence might be seen as initimidating and threatening. I wasn't angry about it, but I wasn't happy about it either.
  
  I understand that some parents are scared to say anything to anyone about anything that may be tense or confrontational. I'm not one of those people. Anger gets fed when offence is taken and has no outlet or resolution. In this case, I wasn't pleased with this behavior, so I confronted it. My displeasure was expressed in a gentle way and a message was sent to the young man that there are consequences to bad behavior - in this case, similar behavior might result in having to face an unhappy father. I looked at it like I did him a huge favor.
  
  Also, I am from Kentucky. It's just not in my DNA to let people mess with my girls. You mess with my girls, you are going to hear from me. That's just the way it is, and I am unapologetic about it. I'm not going to beat the snot out of some kid for getting in her space and saying, "Your hot", but I'm not going to ignore it either. I suspect most dads with girls, at least those who aren't testicularly-challenged, know exactly what I am talking about. Don't go there and then we don't have to go there. You mess with my son, well, he's grown and can handle himself in most cases, but no boy or man is going to make inappropriate remarks or take inappropriate actions toward my daughter without me responding to the degree I need to. That's my role as a father. I'm a protector. That's why I am the biggest, ugliest, and meanest member of my family. Sure, let the authorities handle it, and they did, but their responsibilities are separate from mine.
  
  I think we all understand why there has to be strict rules about initiating brawls during games. No one ever wants to see that, but the OHSAA has all kinds of rules that often lose in court. In a hypothetical case, a player has a fan approach them and the player FEELS threatened so they slug them. That is self defense (if the claim that the slugger felt threatened is deemed reasonable and believable) which is a legal right that supercedes any rule by any organization. A decent lawyer would have them back on the court in a week pursuant to how the coach and school viewed the situation.
  
  There are cultural, religious, legal, moral and whole bunch of other principles that will make people look at a situation like this differently. That's fine. Just don't make this something it wasn't with false assumptions and inventing facts. It was a minor thing with no reprecussions for anyone. I tried to present it as something unusual and relatively light-hearted. So take it that way.
• Pariah

  THE4RINGZ wrote: If there is an ongoing problem with this school or their fans have your AD call their AD and let them work it out.
  
  Threatening a kid in the hallway because he said something directly to your daughter? Seriously? You are one lucky man to have gotten away with that.
  
  If you and/or your daughter can't accept some jeering from the home crowd when you are playing on the road perhaps finding an activity for her where she might not be "heckled" seems like a good solution for both of you.

  Bold indicates inventing facts to make a point that has no relevance.
  
  No other problems with that particular school that I am aware of.
• Pariah

  TMajic wrote: Heck, I will just whistle at her as she walks by!!!

  I will deal with you tonight!!
  
  Good luck against those Hawks. If they come out like they did against SV, it'll be a tough night for the Green Machine.
• bluishgreen

  pariah you know i have all the respect in the world for you...but i dont feel it was necessary to confront the kid...the ref took care of it and thats that, if he did it again then maybe you would have to step in to provide a bigger and more serious deterent. but as i understand it thats not what happened.
  
  and furthermore i know as certain as i can be, that your an exceptional parent...but the sad reality is that some people arent. some parents might be looking for trouble or not have the ability to make a good decision like you. and worse yet we all know there are plenty of parents who have kids that can do no wrong...these are the types of people you avoid by not confronting this kid and giving even the most subtle intimidation.
  
  you know i think very highly of you and i totally see where your coming from because my dad is the same as you are...and sometimes hes been known to protect his kids at any cost far beyond what you did. so i can honestly say i know whats goin through your head. but save that kind of stuff for things that dont get corrected and you have to step in, not things your baller daughter can handle and even shut the student section up in the same play
• bluishgreen

  pariah dont mess with tmagic, he got a big win against those hawks last week
• THE4RINGZ

  

  Pariah wrote:

  THE4RINGZ wrote: If there is an ongoing problem with this school or their fans have your AD call their AD and let them work it out.
  
  Threatening a kid in the hallway because he said something directly to your daughter? Seriously? You are one lucky man to have gotten away with that.
  
  If you and/or your daughter can't accept some jeering from the home crowd when you are playing on the road perhaps finding an activity for her where she might not be "heckled" seems like a good solution for both of you.

  Bold indicates inventing facts to make a point that has no relevance.
  
  No other problems with that particular school that I am aware of.

  Absolutely nowhere in those two statements did I invent any facts.
  
  1. You confronted the kid in the hallway at halftime, and indicated while squeezing his shoulder that his actions didn't make you happy. You implied by those actions the threat of physical harm to him if he continued doing what he was doing. That is a very relevant and real fact.
  
  2. Your daughter wanted to "sock him" and you tracked him down at half time because he was too close to your daughter. Ergo, neither of you liked the heckling. And I suggested again another relevant fact that if that type of behavior bothers you both, finding an alternative activity for her to participate where heckling isn't so prevelant might be suitable.
  
  Both of what I just stated ARE FACTS. You can choose to accept them or continue to deny them, but they are facts.
  
  Parents like you who take matters into their own hands are the ones we see on the ten o'clock news. The referee on the floor handled the situation. And AGAIN if the situation needed more attention off the floor that is the role of the facilities management staff (School Prinicpal, AD, On duty law enforcement at the game) not a parent.