Funny Drunk Stories

• hasbeen

  

  I'm sure we've had a similar thread because EVERYONE has these stories.
  This happened to me last night:
  
  We were going to have a party at our apartment. So I have the baseball crowd over and my roomies have their frat buddies over. One of the frat buddies is a midget, he's cool as fuck too. But he passed out on my sofa, with his shoes on. Rules are fucking rules. I take a sharpie and draw a penis and hairy balls with cum squirting to his mouth. Legit. Then I wrote "I'm a Bitch" on his forehead. That's it. Honestly, worse has been done to me. His buddy comes over takes his shoes off and says "his shoes are off." Good friend. So finally this kid goes upstairs and he's not happy. He washes it off comes down and seems cool.
  
  Fast forward seemingly 45 minutes, and he's pissed about something. I'm sitting next to the door dicking with the ipod. He opened the door and stood their waiting. It's winter time, I'm in a shirt and shorts. I say "close the fucking door." Apparently, "fucking" was toooooo much for him. He goes bat shit crazy. I tell his buddy to get him out of here. (I have 4 rules in my apartment and #3 is don't be an asshole[obnoxious]). So as they're walking out, I say "I remember my first beer." Never knew those 5 words of a movie quote would stir so much anger in a man. His buddy has him picked up with his head in the door saying "wtf you just say?" ALL pissed off. Apparently he was fuming in the parking lot for 10 minutes.
  
  I get a text this morning saying, "I may have overreacted." Lol. I told him "we all do crazy shit when we're fucked up."
  
  Who's got good ones?
• UA5straightin2008

  

  I was pretty drunk at the Iowa OSU game this year. I maintained my drunkness throughout the game. Come the start of OT, my friends and I all knew we were going to win, so we left Block O and went to the east side of the shoe and ran down to the railing and made it there as we were setting up for the kick to win it in OT...were waiting there ready for Barclay to win the game, well being pretty drunk, i see the ball snapped, and immediately jumped over the railing, before the kick was even good...got grabbed by security and arm pinned behind my back immediately...i was like "fuck!! im not gonna let this 40 year old security guard ruin my time", so i let him start walking me away and i assure him i am not resisting and he can back off a little..meanwhile, my friends saw the whole thing happen and were cracking up watching me being taken away..they were afraid to jump now....as more people started to rush the field i really had the mindset that i wasnt gonna get in trouble for this while no one else did, so i pull one of the oldest tricks in the book and yell "hey look!!!" and point..as the guy looks i rip my arm and SPRINT the other direction with out looking back..my friends saw the whole thing happen and said the guy was right behind me for a while, but eventually he lost me in the mass of people
  
  lol, good times
• dlazz

  One time I got drunk and woke up in your mom.
• UA5straightin2008

  

  lol
• detectivegibbles

  First night of college....
  
  Roomed with my best friend from high school and new a couple other baseball players that were from Columbus. We all lived on the same floor. We get all moved in and shit, and my mom was organizing our room and found a bottle of 151 in it. My buddy's brother bought him a bottle for our first night to celebrate. So she tells his parents and they take the bottle. So we were pissed.
  
  We end up going to a sorority party and we get some girl to buy us 3 cases between the 5 of us. Long story short, I black out after 15 or so. I wake up the next morning on our floor in our dorm. I am only wearing my blue polo from the night before and socks. No boxers, no pants. Completely bare assed. My shoes are right next to me, lined up perfectly, side by side. There is a heaping pile of shit in our brand new trash can and our door is wide open.
  
  I go to practice on Monday and our graduate assitant pulls me aside. He goes "Do you remember talking to me Saturday night?" and I was like "No? When did I talk to you?"
  
  He goes "I came up to the third floor and your door was open, and you were ass fuckin naked. so I stepped in and asked you what room one of the other guys lived in. You sat up on your knees and covered your dick. And you said back "He lives on the 4th floor". And there is no 4th floor in our dorms."
  
  I then had to run 50 poles.
• David St. Hubbins

  

  
• UA5straightin2008

  

  my friend went to Stevens Tech for college last year, located in hoboken, NJ, just across the hudson river from NYC
  
  his first weekend there he was doing some partying before classes started with other guys on the lacrosse team. one of the kids there (who ended up being one of his best friends) told him and few other guys he was goin out side to talk on the phone with his GF. he was pretty wasted and started wondering away while talkin on the phone. he ended up falling down some stairs and got kind of cut up and was bleeding and it bled through his clothes. he then ended up somehow walking into a sprinkler system, getting pretty wet. he found himself by the hudson river and took of his clothes because they were all wet and left them by the river and continued to walk around. someone walking there dog pretty late came by a little later to find bloody, wet clothes by the river. he looked in the pocket of the pants and found the kids wallet and phone and called "home" on the phone to let the parents or whoever was at "home" know what he had found. the mother freaked out and called the police and by the end of the whole thing they had a ton of NYPD searching for him and the coast guard scuba team in the river looking for a body. he wandered back to his dorm around 5 or 6 in the morning only in his boxers and slept in a girls room because he didnt have his key to get into his room. the next morning the cops showed up at my buddies room letting him know what had happened and when he had seen the kid last. my friend and the other kids were shocked. i guess about 2 hours later the kid came out of the girls room and into my buddies room and asked "dude, have you seen my clothes"...the kid ended up being suspended from the team by the coach for the fall season and as punishment, the coach made him run with the womens cross country team
  
  talk about a ridiculous first weekend at school, and this story is 100% true
• KR1245

  

  Went to the Bierstube and downed a couple Bear Fights and Boilermakers. After that went back to my gf's place and played beer pong with a bunch of people. Passed out in my gf's bed. Woke up and pissed in the corner of her room on her DVD collection.
• UA5straightin2008

  

  stube=GOAT
• darbypitcher22

  

  detectivegibbles wrote: First night of college....
  
  Roomed with my best friend from high school and new a couple other baseball players that were from Columbus. We all lived on the same floor. We get all moved in and shit, and my mom was organizing our room and found a bottle of 151 in it. My buddy's brother bought him a bottle for our first night to celebrate. So she tells his parents and they take the bottle. So we were pissed.
  
  We end up going to a sorority party and we get some girl to buy us 3 cases between the 5 of us. Long story short, I black out after 15 or so. I wake up the next morning on our floor in our dorm. I am only wearing my blue polo from the night before and socks. No boxers, no pants. Completely bare assed. My shoes are right next to me, lined up perfectly, side by side. There is a heaping pile of shit in our brand new trash can and our door is wide open.
  
  I go to practice on Monday and our graduate assitant pulls me aside. He goes "Do you remember talking to me Saturday night?" and I was like "No? When did I talk to you?"
  
  He goes "I came up to the third floor and your door was open, and you were ass fuckin naked. so I stepped in and asked you what room one of the other guys lived in. You sat up on your knees and covered your dick. And you said back "He lives on the 4th floor". And there is no 4th floor in our dorms."
  
  I then had to run 50 poles.

  I never heard this one. Glad I did now, that's classic
• detectivegibbles

  darbypitcher22 wrote:

  detectivegibbles wrote: First night of college....
  
  Roomed with my best friend from high school and new a couple other baseball players that were from Columbus. We all lived on the same floor. We get all moved in and shit, and my mom was organizing our room and found a bottle of 151 in it. My buddy's brother bought him a bottle for our first night to celebrate. So she tells his parents and they take the bottle. So we were pissed.
  
  We end up going to a sorority party and we get some girl to buy us 3 cases between the 5 of us. Long story short, I black out after 15 or so. I wake up the next morning on our floor in our dorm. I am only wearing my blue polo from the night before and socks. No boxers, no pants. Completely bare assed. My shoes are right next to me, lined up perfectly, side by side. There is a heaping pile of shit in our brand new trash can and our door is wide open.
  
  I go to practice on Monday and our graduate assitant pulls me aside. He goes "Do you remember talking to me Saturday night?" and I was like "No? When did I talk to you?"
  
  He goes "I came up to the third floor and your door was open, and you were ass fuckin naked. so I stepped in and asked you what room one of the other guys lived in. You sat up on your knees and covered your dick. And you said back "He lives on the 4th floor". And there is no 4th floor in our dorms."
  
  I then had to run 50 poles.

  I never heard this one. Glad I did now, that's classic

  I swear I told everyone on the hawks...or Belknap did...he always tells that one...
• darbypitcher22

  

  maybe I just wasn't paying attention.... But I'm almost absolutely positive I never heard that one
• hasbeen

  

  KR1245 wrote: Went to the Bierstube and downed a couple Bear Fights and Boilermakers. After that went back to my gf's place and played beer pong with a bunch of people. Passed out in my gf's bed. Woke up and pissed in the corner of her room on her DVD collection.

  I pissed in my gfs make up bag one night.
  
  About a week ago one of the guys on the baseball team was sleep walking, he got out of bed his 2 roomies were watching, he opened the door stopped, closed it. Open the trashcan and pissed in it. Then went back to bed.
  
  Last year during our Florida trip, one of our guys was pissing on the table in the room, another guy kicked it to the balcony, the pisser turned and just kept on pissing on the plant.
• UA5straightin2008

  

  ^^you play baseball at OSU?
• hasbeen

  

  UA5straightin2008 wrote: ^^you play baseball at OSU?

  absolutely not. i ain't big time
• UA5straightin2008

  

  lol
• SQ_Crazies

  

  pnhasbeen wrote: I'm sure we've had a similar thread because EVERYONE has these stories.
  This happened to me last night:
  
  We were going to have a party at our apartment. So I have the baseball crowd over and my roomies have their frat buddies over. One of the frat buddies is a midget, he's cool as fuck too. But he passed out on my sofa, with his shoes on. Rules are fucking rules. I take a sharpie and draw a penis and hairy balls with cum squirting to his mouth. Legit. Then I wrote "I'm a Bitch" on his forehead. That's it. Honestly, worse has been done to me. His buddy comes over takes his shoes off and says "his shoes are off." Good friend. So finally this kid goes upstairs and he's not happy. He washes it off comes down and seems cool.
  
  Fast forward seemingly 45 minutes, and he's pissed about something. I'm sitting next to the door dicking with the ipod. He opened the door and stood their waiting. It's winter time, I'm in a shirt and shorts. I say "close the fucking door." Apparently, "fucking" was toooooo much for him. He goes bat shit crazy. I tell his buddy to get him out of here. (I have 4 rules in my apartment and #3 is don't be an asshole[obnoxious]). So as they're walking out, I say "I remember my first beer." Never knew those 5 words of a movie quote would stir so much anger in a man. His buddy has him picked up with his head in the door saying "wtf you just say?" ALL pissed off. Apparently he was fuming in the parking lot for 10 minutes.
  
  I get a text this morning saying, "I may have overreacted." Lol. I told him "we all do crazy shit when we're fucked up."
  
  Who's got good ones?

  LMAO!
• CinciX12

  

  Haha midgets, you gotta love them!
• bigkahuna

  Threw Shit on my friend during Prank Wars.
  
  Pissed my pants at my bachelor party at Put-In-Bay
  
  Carried a sleeper sofa a good 10+ blocks with my one buddy cuz we thought we needed one on our back porch.
  
  Pissed in my car because I didn't want to lose my spot in the drive through at taco bell.
  
  Done.
• CinciX12

  

  bigkahuna wrote: Threw Shit on my friend during Prank Wars.
  
  Pissed my pants at my bachelor party at Put-In-Bay
  
  Carried a sleeper sofa a good 10+ blocks with my one buddy cuz we thought we needed one on our back porch.
  
  Pissed in my car because I didn't want to lose my spot in the drive through at taco bell.
  
  Done.

  Uhh...
• hasbeen

  

  CinciX12 wrote:

  bigkahuna wrote: Threw Shit on my friend during Prank Wars.
  
  
  Done.

  Uhh...

  You actually touched poo?
• namod65

  

  pnhasbeen wrote:

  CinciX12 wrote:

  bigkahuna wrote: Threw Shit on my friend during Prank Wars.
  
  
  Done.

  Uhh...

  You actually touched poo?

  I've seen worse. My roommate last year stepped in a big pile of dog shit, then proceeded to track it all over our dorm room carpet, then passed out on the now dirty carpet lol. The room stunk for a while.
• sleeper

  

  One time, I got so drunk I boned your mom LOL
• UA5straightin2008

  

  dlazz wrote: One time I got drunk and woke up in your mom.

  sleeper wrote: One time, I got so drunk I boned your mom LOL

  original!
• rookie_j70

  

  due to certain legal reasons, i can't really discuss my friends and i and our drunken stories :rolleyes: