Cohabitating Couples - a question?

• Cat Food Flambe'

  

  For those of you that decided to share a home with your significant other, how did you handle your finances?
  
  I’d rather this not turn into a debate about cohabitation, BTW :s – just an honest discussion of your experience with handling the money under such an arrangement..
  
  My son will be moving to another city this summer with his college girlfriend to set up housekeeping. She will be taking a job with only “so-so” pay after she graduates, and my son still has two years to go toward his four-year degree (either in history, or poly sci). However, she has four and a half years worth of college loans to pay off (I estimate about $700-$800 per month), My son has no debt at this time (he’s paid for his junior year of college out of his current earnings while living at home).
  
  Neither has ever lived on their own other than in a college dorm or in a sorority house. They are not engaged (at present, he can’t afford a ring, which is a bit of a source of contention between the two of them )
  
  Based on what my son says, one of two possibilities exist:
  
  1/ she’s going to have to support his sorry butt full-time while he borrows money for his last two years of college in the city where they’ll live. Doing the mental math, I don’t think they will have enough income for this.
  2 more likely, he’ll have to forego college for the foreseeable future and find full-time work so just so they can pay off her bills.
  
  While this sort of setup without the benefit of a legal marriage would scare me to death, it’s their decision to make, and I’ll honor whatever course they take (without sniping at them later, either).
  
  For those of you who have gone this route – how did you handle the money end of things? Did any of you have to make this sort of economic commitment to each other?
  
  Both my son and I are interested in your experiences.
• GoChiefs

  

  Me and my wife (g/f at the time)..we knew we were going to get married...we got joint bank accounts and paid all the bills with that. What was left..we split up. Now we are married..and it's basically the same..except she gets to keep it all now.
• ZWICK 4 PREZ

  

  Cat Food Flambe' wrote:
  2 more likely, he’ll have to forego college for the foreseeable future and find full-time work so just so they can pay off her bills.
  
  

  That's prolly the worst idea ever.
• darbypitcher22

  

  this doesn't sound like a good situation. I would tell your son to focus on getting his degree. If the fact that he can't afford a ring is an item of contention, what else will she get upset that he can't afford in the future? Maybe he should rethink this for a little while and make sure this is exactly what he wants to do.
• Darkon

  

  Plenty of time to play house later. He needs to finish his education or risk never doing it at all. It's easy to say you will finish later but life may get in the way. Strongly advise finishing now.
• justincredible

  

  ZWICK 4 PREZ wrote:

  Cat Food Flambe' wrote:
  2 more likely, he’ll have to forego college for the foreseeable future and find full-time work so just so they can pay off her bills.
  
  

  That's prolly the worst idea ever.

  No doubt
• Manhattan Buckeye

  I'm doing my best to follow the story....., has the guy applied to colleges in the new city? Do the credits transfer?
  
  Answering the question, my wife and I lived together for a year before we got married, we had a joint bank account...she was also 29 years old and I was 30 years old, and we had both worked for some considerable time.
• CenterBHSFan

  

  CFF, two things.
  
  1. If he quits school, kick his ass. (i'm totally serious)
  or
  2. Let him do what he thinks is a good thing to do. Sometimes people don't know until they know.
  The School of Hard Knocks never fails an ambitious student.
  
  *EDIT
  I forgot to add that when I was was in my late teens, I did pretty much what your son wants to do. When money got too tight to mention, I was too proud and headstrong to ask my folks for any "help". I realized when I was knee-deep in it that I had just made life very hard for myself. BUT...I knew what I was doing haha (yeah right)!
• iclfan2

  

  Why does he have to more years left of a 4 year degree? And quitting college just to be able to live with a chick is the dumbest idea I have ever heard. Get married in 2 years, live at home and get the degree. What's he gonna do without a degree?
• dwccrew

  

  darbypitcher22 wrote: this doesn't sound like a good situation. I would tell your son to focus on getting his degree. If the fact that he can't afford a ring is an item of contention, what else will she get upset that he can't afford in the future? Maybe he should rethink this for a little while and make sure this is exactly what he wants to do.

  This.
  
  Moving in together with the situation you explained is about the worst idea these two could have and the worst thing they could do (besides having a chile together). He should focus on getting the degree and a job before having to worry about living with his woman.
• TBone14

  

  I have some experiance in this situation.
  
  My fiance and I were both living at home a couple years ago when I got a job offer in Vegas. I was still in school but the job was better than what my degree was for so we up and moved from our parents house to living together out there. So I drop out and we move. We both closed out our bank accounts here and took all of our money there and open a joint checking and savings account. My thought is...if you are serious enough to make a step like this, they dealing with splitting up money at a later date should be something you should be able to discuss. If you can't discuss 'what if' scenarios then you may not be mature enough to handle this situation at all.
  
  So long story short..the job doesn't go well and we move back to Ohio. We lived with my parents for a couple months while we got settled back in. We bought a house and I am going back to school. I work 30 hours a week and go to school full time. She works full time. Between that we get all of our bills paid plus some. We arn't 'getting ahead' at this point but once I graduate I will get a significantly better job.
  
  My advice would be this...don't stop going to school. I would have been done if I didn't drop out and move across the country. In the long run, it was an experience I wouldn't change for anything, but being done with school now would be tremendous. I don't feel you can know if you want to marry someone until you live with them. There are just certain things you can't find out without living with them.
  
  I think he has to work while in school. It sucks short term..there are some brutal, brutal days. But you are making money to live off of and working towards your future at the same time.
  
  Also, we are now engaged after all of that. In this economy you can get a lot of ring for you buck with payments as low as 30 a month.
• Darkon

  

  Ask him if this move is worth a million dollars.
  A person with a four year degree will make on average a million more than someone who has no degree.
  I can't find a link, but I did read this somewhere.
• Cleveland Buck

  

  99% of people under the age of 25 are complete idiots, and if they think something is a good idea, it isn't. I can tell you right now if he doesn't finish school then he will never make enough money to satisfy her, but if he doesn't quit school to pay his share of the bills she will throw him out on his ass, and you can take that to the bank. /sleeper
• darbypitcher22

  

  Brutal but truthful assessment.
• jordo212000

  

  Whatever they decide to do, I wouldn't combine their checking accounts (at least until they get married). That hardly ever turns out well
• Cat Food Flambe'

  

  Manhattan Buckeye - not yet. He should have no problem transferring his existing credits should he decide if that's what he decides, but he's at a point where taking more classes when he's planning on transferring is pointless. Both of them are somewhat younger than you and your wife were at that time.
  
  ICL - he has two years left to go because of a combination of a change of major and the fact that he had to go part-time for a year to earn the money to go. He lost his "family financing" due to a spectacularly poor academic performance during his first two years, which he has since remedied. Bear in mind he doesn't want to quit school - but I just don't see how they can swing normal household expenses AND her college load repayments without him working full time. God help them if a car dies or a baby comes.
  
  An additional note - the two of them have lived 350 miles apart for the past two years. They're thoroughly sick and tired of being apart - but then again, I dated my wife for four years without us ever living the same TIME ZONE. I was in Columbus, Boston or somewhere on the road, while my ex-girlfriend (my wife hates it when I call her that) lived in Atlanta, Salt Lake City, or Louisville when she worked for the airline. Of course - on her off days, she could use her pass to fly to wherever I was at the time for even just an evening together .
• onuwb

  Personally, I feel like her college loans shouldn't be his problem until they are married. If I were in a similar situation, I would share rent and utilities and my loans would be my responsibility. Just my 2 cents
• tuskytuffguy

  Well, first off, it's a doomed relationship to begin with. If she "NEEDS" a ring, then she comes across as just too materialistic and high maintenance to me. Noone "needs" a ring. I didn't get my wife an engagement ring, and we just celebrated our 10th anniversary. 'Traditions' are for the birds.
• hang_loose

  What school is he going to go to? If they are intent on living together, have him stay home and go to school around central Ohio. Let her move in if your comfortable with it.(Probably not like they haven't been together before).
  Charge them a small rent charge with the understanding there will be help around the house from them. If they decide to break up, there is no contract to break. If they stay together and decide to get married, use some of the rental charges for a wedding present or to help pay for the wedding.
• tuskytuffguy

  To add to my earlier post, "needing" a ring is like Elin Nordegren telling Tiger she wants $60 mill to stay with him. Kick 'em to the curb.
• sleeper

  

  I don't like this female so I'm glad your son is dating her so I don't have the chance too.
  
  First of all, she's pissed that a guy that's in college won't buy her a ring? Seriously? This girl is a money grubbing CLOWN(for lack of a better word), and I'd be out the door ASAP if I was your BOY.
  
  Second, dropping out of college just to live in the same building with a woman? Seriously? I'm not going to go as far as calling a man in college an idiot(especially if he attends The Ohio State University), but if he drops out for this woman, then he's an IDIOT.
  
  Lastly, as far as my wife and I handle finances, I make all the money and I tell her what to spend. She pretty much gets whatever she wants as long as she's popping out babies and making me SAMMICHES anytime I want, in fact she just made me a sammich right now and it's pretty good.
• Sage

  

  Hmmm, a young couple with debt, who have truly never lived on their own before, moving to a new city where they may or may not have enough money to survive.
  
  I honestly don't see what can go wrong here.
• Gobuckeyes1

  Her student loan payments stay with her. Not his responsibility until they are married.
  
  If they insist on living together, split the living expenses. Do NOT get a join account until you are married.
  
  Do NOT drop out of school.
  
  I also agree with those saying that if she is insisting on a ring at this point in time, and is not willing to wait until he/they are in a better financial situation, this relationship not going to end well.
• power i

  

  My daughter and her boyfriend just moved in together. They have both graduated from college and have jobs, but not their forever jobs. Though I am not crazy about this idea, I have taught my daughter enough to know that sometimes things don't always go as planned. They are both keeping their separate accounts and splitting the bills. (He will pay a little more as he is making more money and has no student loans where she does.) Most important thing is to have these arrangements made before hand.
• Fred Flintstone

  Gobuckeyes1 wrote:
  If they insist on living together, split the living expenses. Do NOT get a join account until you are married.
  

  One option would be to keep separate checking accounts and also have a joint checking account that they can transfer money into to pay bills.