Cohabitating Couples - a question?

• bamagirl

  I would never ever quit school unless you have to. He already has the study habits. I would recommend he stay in school. I know it is rough paying those student loan payments, but they now offer payments based on your income. Tell her to check into that. They are always willing to work with you....after all they want their money back even if it takes a longer. Also if they are serious about settling down. Have her check into a 2 year interest only payment. It will stop her principle from rising but all she would be paying is interest (with the option of paying more if she could) That way that gives your son two years to finish his degree and get things sorted out before the big payments come.
  
  Best of luck!
• gorocks99

  

  My g/f and I live together and split the bills (except student loans, those go to the owner) and rent evenly, then basically decide how to do the groceries, entertainment on a case-by-case basis. We both have salaried jobs and are both finished with school and it has worked out very well for us. We've been living together for over a year now.
• ernest_t_bass

  

  I'm married, and I still make my wife pay for all the bills out of her paycheck. I use my paycheck for internet forums.
• OneBuckeye

  

  Not a good idea... especially if they have never lived together. It could work out or the honeymoon could be short lived, and doing so while struggling financially is not good for a relationship. I say you son should finish school up where he is at debt free then get a job and marry her if they are still together. As for bills if this does happen... do it like you would with your college roomates, split up everything.
• Con_Alma

  The answer is very personal to each person's views and relationship. Money and sex are two of the most important and often fracturing parts of a relationship. Since you solicited opinions I will share some of my thoughts.
  
  Stopping school is not an option. If living expenses are the reasons your son is considering stopping his educational process the game of playing house with his girlfriend must not get started.
  
  If they choose to proceed I like the idea mentioned above regarding having separate checking accounts with a joint account maintained for all the agreed upon expenses that will be paid together.
  
  Another point I think that's worth offering....the common expenses should be split evenly. Her school loan amounts have nothing to do with who is responsible for those common living expenses. She is as much responsible for them as he is even if she has larger school loans. Who makes more money is irrelevant.
  
  If they can't make it work with him in school and her being responsible for half the expenses they can't make it work. It's really that simple in my eyes.
• Fab1b

  

  I learned valuable lessons with my ex wife. My girl and I now keep our finances seperate. We split the bills and pay each other our portions and the rest is each their own. Now I make more so I do handle most of our fun but I will not do joint account ever again!!
• fan_from_texas

  This is an interesting situation. My initial thought upon reading it is that I'm willing to bet that this doesn't work out in the long run.
  
  What makes it tricky is they want to be more than roommates but less than spouses. The law doesn't provide a lot of good, time-tested default rules for this, and when things go bad (which they will), it's going to be a mess to sort out. Every week, I mediate cases like this. They all start with good intentions, but it gets messy when they split up. Have them write up an agreement about how they'll split up their "stuff" if they break things off. If they're not mature enough to deal with that possibility before moving in, they're not mature enough to be moving in.
  
  Re splitting expenses: tough call. If they were married, they'd split all expenses down the middle, including her loans. If they don't want to make the marriage commitment, why should he pay down her loans and forego his future? They should split their living expenses 50/50 (and budget it out). It probably works best if they tally up expenses beforehand and then divvy them up, rather than trying to split each bill individually. E.g., if the rent is $800, the electric bill is $100, the dining out tally is $400, whatever--make the decision ahead of time that she pays rent, he pays utilities, she pays groceries, he pays dining out, etc. They should track their expenses regularly and occasionally tally 'em up to make sure they're relatively close. One or the other will end up paying a bit more, but if they do a good job splitting them up at first this will keep them relatively close. It also avoids the hassle of splitting every single bill 50/50, which isn't practicable. Her loan expenses, of course, should not be factored in.
  
  I'd also have a talk with him about the whole needing a ring thing. What's up with that? What's driving that? What's the reasoning behind it? That's a red flag.
• gerb131

  

  Been living with my significant other for 7+ years although we may get married one day if she drops that hyphen shit. But I digress. We each put a thousand a month in our joint account and pay strictly bills with it. Whatever is extra goes to our personal accounts. No problems so far...
• TBone14

  

  gerb131 wrote: Been living with my significant other for 7+ years although we may get married one day if she drops that hyphen shit. But I digress. We each put a thousand a month in our joint account and pay strictly bills with it. Whatever is extra goes to our personal accounts. No problems so far...

  
  So who pays when you go out? Or do you put it on a credit card and make it a bill?
• Society

  Cat Food Flambe' wrote: However, she has four and a half years worth of college loans to pay off (I estimate about $700-$800 per month),

  What kind of loan does she have that requires her to pay $700-$800 per month?
• fan_from_texas

  Society wrote:

  Cat Food Flambe' wrote: However, she has four and a half years worth of college loans to pay off (I estimate about $700-$800 per month),

  What kind of loan does she have that requires her to pay $700-$800 per month?

  $70,000-ish on a 10-year repayment plan.
• gorocks99

  

  ^^ That's what I have. Woo grad school.
• Society

  fan_from_texas wrote:

  Society wrote:

  Cat Food Flambe' wrote: However, she has four and a half years worth of college loans to pay off (I estimate about $700-$800 per month),

  What kind of loan does she have that requires her to pay $700-$800 per month?

  $70,000-ish on a 10-year repayment plan.

  That would be the simple answer. I guess I should have expanded a little. If they are going to be struggling for money, why not take that loan and expand the term on it? Or, if there are multiple loans, why not consolidate?
• fan_from_texas

  Society wrote:

  fan_from_texas wrote:

  Society wrote:

  Cat Food Flambe' wrote: However, she has four and a half years worth of college loans to pay off (I estimate about $700-$800 per month),

  What kind of loan does she have that requires her to pay $700-$800 per month?

  $70,000-ish on a 10-year repayment plan.

  That would be the simple answer. I guess I should have expanded a little. If they are going to be struggling for money, why not take that loan and expand the term on it? Or, if there are multiple loans, why not consolidate?

  If she consolidated, she could probably extend it to 30 years and cut the monthly payment by half. On the other hand, that's going to cost her tons of interest over the life of the loan. If people are diligent about putting extra toward principle, consolidating can be a good option (you can make the same payment you made before and pay off the loan in the same amount of time, but you always have the option of cutting back your payments and increasing cash flow). But too many people simply adjust their spending by increasing what they buy, and end up falling behind. My guess is that a 22-ish year old female who insists on a ring before marrying isn't likely to be the kind who puts every extra cent toward the student loans. Consolidating and extending isn't likely to solve the underlying problem.
  
  (As an aside, I don't have anything against loan consolidation--I just consolidated down my loans with a 30 year repayment period, though we're actually planning to do it in 4. We just like the flexibility of cutting the mandatory monthly payment in half).
• bamagirl

  Society wrote:

  fan_from_texas wrote:

  Society wrote:

  Cat Food Flambe' wrote: However, she has four and a half years worth of college loans to pay off (I estimate about $700-$800 per month),

  What kind of loan does she have that requires her to pay $700-$800 per month?

  $70,000-ish on a 10-year repayment plan.

  That would be the simple answer. I guess I should have expanded a little. If they are going to be struggling for money, why not take that loan and expand the term on it? Or, if there are multiple loans, why not consolidate?

  I agree completely. Like I said there are numerous options out there they are more than willing to work with you. They have income based payments which of course are less, they have interest only for 2 or 4 years to give you a chance to get on your feet. And the ten year plan isn't too likely for the most part they extend out quite a bit. I will be finished with school in 2011 and will make my final loan payment on 2028, and mine currently are at about $500 a month repayment but that is standard. Once again have her check all her options instead of sticking your son with the bill.
• Society

  fan_from_texas wrote: If she consolidated, she could probably extend it to 30 years and cut the monthly payment by half. On the other hand, that's going to cost her tons of interest over the life of the loan. If people are diligent about putting extra toward principle, consolidating can be a good option (you can make the same payment you made before and pay off the loan in the same amount of time, but you always have the option of cutting back your payments and increasing cash flow). But too many people simply adjust their spending by increasing what they buy, and end up falling behind. My guess is that a 22-ish year old female who insists on a ring before marrying isn't likely to be the kind who puts every extra cent toward the student loans. Consolidating and extending isn't likely to solve the underlying problem.
  
  (As an aside, I don't have anything against loan consolidation--I just consolidated down my loans with a 30 year repayment period, though we're actually planning to do it in 4. We just like the flexibility of cutting the mandatory monthly payment in half).

  Did you post that as if that information isn't known? My question was directed towards the OP. I wasn't looking for an explanation of as to why consolidating/extending is good/bad.
  
  Now for the time it spent for you to type that out, to whom do I direct the payment?
• Red_Skin_Pride

  

  Currently in a similar situation. We actually make it work quite well. My girlfriend and I moved in together over the summer. We both work around 30-40 hours per week, and both go to school full time. Since I asked her to move in with me (to get her out of a stressful situation at home), I told her, if she can help me with half of the rent, I would pay the other half, and utilities. Our apartment is 600/mo. and with utilities, we have about 900 a month in bills. So I usually pay about 600/mo and she pays about 300. We also are on the same cell phone plan, which we split 50/50, so we each pay about 75 a month for that. We never have a ton of extra money, but we aren't supposed to; it's college. However, we have enough to go do things and go to dinner, movies, etc every now and then.
  
  I would tell your son to get off his lazy ass and work. Sorry for the explitive, but he's basically a junior in college and he's not working??? Why not? If he really wants to do this, he needs to be able to at least support half of what living expenses will cost (her student "debt" is not his problem; that falls on her to decide if SHE can live with HIM and still pay her student loans). Tell him that he doesn't have to work full time, but he needs to work like 25-30 hours a week. Then, if he needs a little more money, he can apply for a small amount for a student loan. I usually apply for like 500 a quarter which I get back in a refund check. Tell him if he borrows money for school, as you suggest in scenario 1, to apply for about 1,500-1,800 over what the cost of tuition is for the year, and they'll break that into thirds and he'll get a refund check each quarter (so roughly 500-600 per quarter) and put it in the bank and use it to help pay bills.
  
  But you can't just expect one person to work, and the other do nothing. How would he feel if HE had to work to support both of them, while his GF did nothing? If he isn't willing to get a job in the new city and help support the living expenses, then he's not mature enough, and therefore not ready, to take a step like this. And that's not a bad thing, some people just become ready at different times. I'm 22, my GF is 19, but I know people who are 24 or 25 that are still scared to death to move in with their significant other, even without school to worry about and working full time. But if you're going to do it, you have to "be a man" and act like it; he needs to pull his weight for rent, electric, television/internet etc. If you use them, you need to help pay for them, unless you have some pre-existing arrangement otherwise.
• Cat Food Flambe'

  

  RedSkinPride - read carefully . He works full time AND goes to school full time at present - he went part time for a while to build up enough money to pay cash for tuition going foward. Currently, he can do this because he lives with us rent-free (and is welcome to do so as long as he continues with school). She already has the job lined up in another city in an adjacent state - and moving in with him in our house is not an option that my wife and I would consider.
  
  I should clarify - when I stated that she's mildly unhappy because she's not got a ring, I meant that she'd like to be engaged. I don't think the ring itself is that much of a concern. She's actually a fine young woman whom I like a great deal, and I'm as concerned for her well-being as I am for my son's. I just don't think they realize what they're getting into.
  
  My thought that I should offer to pay for a series of pre-marital counseling for the two of them before they move to the city where she'll be working - they are going to have more than their share of issues with which to deal.
• Con_Alma

  They can't afford it right now.
  
  There are things my family wants and can't afford. I wait until I can.
• Society

  Con_Alma wrote: They can't afford it right now.
  
  There are things my family wants and can't afford. I wait until I can.

  Right...
• gerb131

  

  Half and half really. If she/I want to make it a date so to speak then one of us will pay it individually. If we are just too tired or lazy to cook then it comes from the joint card. Good question though.
• This_DJ_3

  i pay for everything, including groceries. she pays off her credit card debt.
  
  I'm getting screwed, i know
• gerb131

  

  TBone14 wrote:

  gerb131 wrote: Been living with my significant other for 7+ years although we may get married one day if she drops that hyphen shit. But I digress. We each put a thousand a month in our joint account and pay strictly bills with it. Whatever is extra goes to our personal accounts. No problems so far...

  
  So who pays when you go out? Or do you put it on a credit card and make it a bill?

  This_DJ_3 wrote: i pay for everything, including groceries. she pays off her credit card debt.
  
  I'm getting screwed, i know

  I hope thats literally too!