Archive

Asking father for daughters hand in marriage?

  • GoChiefs
    Nope, definitely didn't ask. Of course, my father in law is an asshole too.
  • KR1245
    raiderbuck wrote:
    I Wear Pants wrote: Depends on the daughters relationship with her dad and your relationship with the dude.

    I agree. I've always thought that if the girl has a decent relationship with her father, then yes you should ask. It's also depends on their age. If she's like 35-40 years old then there probably no need to ask lol.

    But I would really appreciate if my (future) daughters boyfriend would respect my family enough to have my blessings.
    Agreed.My gf is very close with her father( her mother left when she was 11 and they dont have much of a relationship). I would probably feel differently if I didnt have a good relationship with her father. Seems like a nice gesture and the right thing to do
  • Shane Falco
    I didn't and kind of regret it. I get along with my in laws very well and it was never an issue (that I'm aware of). My wife is the oldest and the guy that married her little sister asked and was "approved"

    Friggin Brown noser!! :)
  • tk421
    No one has really answered the question. What happens if the dad says no way no how? You going to spit in his face and marry his daughter anyway? Break it off with her? Either way, you are screwed.
  • sherm03
    I asked because it was very important to my girl. It was scary, but turned out to be a very nice moment between him and myself. I asked if I had his permission to marry his daughter and responded by saying that he has always felt like I was apart of the family, so he is very happy to make it official.

    tk...I think if my girl's dad said no, I would have asked why he disapproved and then would have told him why I felt that I'm deserving of marrying his daughter.
  • GoChiefs
    tk421 wrote: No one has really answered the question. What happens if the dad says no way no how? You going to spit in his face and marry his daughter anyway? Break it off with her? Either way, you are screwed.
    Yes. You're not fucking him. If so, you have other problems to worry about. Go ahead and marry her, and don't worry about what the hell anyone else thinks about it.
  • KR1245
    tk421 wrote: No one has really answered the question. What happens if the dad says no way no how? You going to spit in his face and marry his daughter anyway? Break it off with her? Either way, you are screwed.
    That would suck. I guess I would ask him what his reason is for saying no then either go ahead with it anyway or postpone the engagement for a little bit and work on my relationship with him. I know one thing, I'd be pissed off if he said no.
  • slingshot4ever
    I did it. My fiancee was an only child and was extremely close with her parents. I actually took both of them to dinner to make them aware of my itentions to propose. I think parents find this to be a sign that the guy has character and is respectful.
  • slingshot4ever
    KR1245 wrote:
    tk421 wrote: No one has really answered the question. What happens if the dad says no way no how? You going to spit in his face and marry his daughter anyway? Break it off with her? Either way, you are screwed.
    That would suck. I guess I would ask him what his reason is for saying no then either go ahead with it anyway or postpone the engagement for a little bit and work on my relationship with him. I know one thing, I'd be pissed off if he said no.
    I don't think a guy would ask the parents if he knew that answer was coming. If you are blindsided by a dad saying "no" when you ask then you are pretty damn naive.
  • slingshot4ever
    tk421 wrote:
    Fab1b wrote: Negative it isn't up to him or anyone else but you and her!! I don't live in 1950!
    Agreed. Unless she's underage, parents have absolutely no say.
    Of course they don't have any say in what happens. It is a sign of respect. Simple as that. You are becoming a member of their family, why wouldn't you want to at least let them know, not necessarily ask for permission.
  • Fab1b
    ^no problem with letting them know about it but I'm not asking anyone but her!!
  • Curly J
    My future asked me, my wife, my ex-wife, and her husband (now ex-husband) prior to getting engaged. I thought it was nice of him.

    They are getting married on April 24th. (18 days and counting)
  • justincredible
    slingshot4ever wrote:Of course they don't have any say in what happens. It is a sign of respect. Simple as that. You are becoming a member of their family, why wouldn't you want to at least let them know, not necessarily ask for permission.
    This is exactly why I "asked" my father-in-law to marry my wife. Nothing more than a sign of respect.
  • sherm03
    A wedding is also a huge financial commitment, and most couples rely on their parents for help. It's a pretty big "fuck you" to not ask for the father's blessing...but gladly cash the check from him to help pay for everything.

    I wouldn't know what that is like...my fiancee and I are pretty much paying for our entire wedding ourselves. It has put a strain on us (especially after just purchasing a house) and has caused us to limit guests and cut back on things that she had dreamed about having at her wedding. But financially, we are doing what we can with what we have.
  • redstreak one
    I didnt ask for permission, and he wont take her back I have asked! lol I told him he gave me a lemon!
  • GoChiefs
    justincredible wrote: This is exactly why I "asked" my father-in-law to marry my wife. Nothing more than a sign of respect.
    So..since I don't have any respect for the man..not asking was the right thing to do right? :)
  • justincredible
    GoChiefs wrote:
    justincredible wrote: This is exactly why I "asked" my father-in-law to marry my wife. Nothing more than a sign of respect.
    So..since I don't have any respect for the man..not asking was the right thing to do right? :)
    Yup.
  • sleeper
    I'm not going to ask, mainly because I don't care what her parents think.
  • Red_Skin_Pride
    Fab1b wrote: I didn't the first time and I won't the next time!! I had/have (engaged now) good relationships with both dads however I just don't believe in that. She is a grown woman he has no say, like someone above asked what if he says no??
    I see where you are coming from, and respect your opinion. It certainly varies for everybody, to each his own, if you will. The one thing that I would add to the other side of the coin, is that as you know being married once before, you aren't just marrying the girl, it's pretty much a package deal with her family. When you ask for the parents "blessing" yes, in the most straightforward sense you are asking for her hand in marriage; but it is a sign of respect basically asking them to accept YOU into their family...no longer are you "the daughters boyfriend" you will legally be recognized as THEIR son-in-law. Again, I see where you're coming from, but IMO there is more to it than just the straight forward question of 'can I marry your daughter'.

    (And also, if you are a good guy, and you've always had a good relationship with her parents and they say NO out of the blue, and don't give you a specific AND legitimate reason, then I would say eff em and do it anyway, as I agree that ultimately it is up to you and her as adults. at least you asked, it's their dumbass problem if they say no for no apparent reason).
  • gerb131
    Only if he plans on paying for the ceremony etc....
    Me and her dad get along pretty well but I didn't ask him. He was barely around the first 4-5 years of our relationship so he had no bearing. Recently though we have began to do more stuff.
  • Scarlet_Buckeye
    Is it required? Certainly not. This is 2010. As a plethora of people have already stated, this isn't 1950. With that being said, I will be asking because I believe that if I do not have the parents' blessing, then the marriage will pretty much be destined to fail.
  • CenterBHSFan
    LJ wrote: but he is a biker who's nickname was "Mountain" and he is best known around his area for beating the shit out of a cop back in the 70's.
    haha! My dad did the same exact thing!! But, his situation was in Wheeling.
  • Cat Food Flambe'
    Lady D'Friskies and I already did our job - our daughter is a fully independent young woman who is more than capable of making her own decisions. Ask her!

    Besides, you don't want to give me the opportunity to mess with your mind first. :)
  • LJ
    CenterBHSFan wrote:
    LJ wrote: but he is a biker who's nickname was "Mountain" and he is best known around his area for beating the shit out of a cop back in the 70's.
    haha! My dad did the same exact thing!! But, his situation was in Wheeling.
    His was in Olean NY. 2 17 year old girls got drunk the in backseat of his 69 Camaro and the cop caught them puking out the window. Apparently he decided he wasn't going to jail that night so he beat the hell out of the cop and went to jail anyways.

    The 2nd time he was arrested it was for running over a guy's car with his lifted Jeep.
  • ZWICK 4 PREZ
    I did.