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Attack of the Slumpbuster

  • j_crazy
    mattinctown;462027 wrote:Ok, so I had an interesting night tonight. I was talking today with my friend Mike about how it's been awhile since I have had sex, I'm about to go start trolling Craigslist. Anyway, that's what I did. Found a 25-year old girl that seemed like she wasn't a spambot, under W4M dating, and messaged her. She was 5'1, 100 pounds, bisexual, and just got out of a relationship. She said she was on an online dating site I am also on, so I found her profile and picture. Also read that she is into the Kama Sutra. Profile said she wasn't looking for a hookup, but then I noticed on one of the quiz questions, she expects to have sex with someone between 1-2 dates.

    Started IM'ing her, and asked if she wanted to get together. She told me the last two guys on Craigslist she met said they wanted to go out again, then stood her up.
    We exchanged phone numbers, then I told her where to meet and what time, I was going to go shower and get ready. Got out of the shower and I had THREE missed phone calls, a picture message, and voicemail. The message said "I talked to my parents, and they said it's OK if I go out." Took off for the meeting place, she texted me saying she was there, so I texted back saying I would be there in 10 minutes. Five minutes later she calls and asks where I am :)

    So we meet up, she starts talking, and immediately I can tell she doesn't have it all upstairs. However, she's not that bad to look at. She tells me she has slight autism, then says "I was wondering if you were the same way?" HUH???? This girl is asking me if I'm mentally disabled, five minutes into meeting. I said "Do I seem like I do?" I asked her where she works, she tells me she works at Lowe's, watering the plants.

    She then gives me a hug, and says she is moving back to Rhode Island in October, will I come visit her? She then says "Do you want to go back to your place?" So I say ok. We get in my car, and she says "So how is your health??" We get to my place, I just want to get this over with, then she asks if I want to try a Kama Sutra position. Of course I say Yes.

    We do the deed, then I go to the bathroom and she follows me in, and says "I wanted to help you." WHAT?? You want to help me take a piss?? Then her fucking Dad calls her and she tells him she's on the way home.

    Anyway, she starts asking how much do I like her, do I want to meet her parents, etc.... So I drive her to her parents house, park about two houses away so they can't see my car, and drop her off. The whole time we are together, I'm laughing my ass off inside my head and can't wait to share this story.

    Probably shouldn't have done it, but hey, she knew the Kama Sutra......

    mattinctown;462679 wrote:Just an FYI guys, I totally made this story up, see what I did there?????????????????????????? :) I might be stupid at times, but not THAT stupid!
  • Def Leopard
    mattinctown;462701 wrote:Ok don't believe me, not my problem

    I know who your problem is, and it appears you weren't as discreet as you thought when you dropped off your little conquest.
  • Heretic
    mattinctown;462679 wrote:Just an FYI guys, I totally made this story up, see what I did there?????????????????????????? :) I might be stupid at times, but not THAT stupid!

    Maybe, maybe not...but we're just going to go ahead and pretend you never tried to say this, as all this post does is attempt to take the awesomeness out of the scenario.
  • enigmaax
    So now the question is which is worse, fucking a retard or lying about fucking a retard. Either way, you are pretty much a loser.
  • Fab1b
    Whether you did or didn't who knows but you, however you were probably just better off allowing everyone here to think you did instead of stating you just made it up!
  • Murdski99
    get you some pimp......i bet retards suck a mean dick :D
  • Cat Food Flambe'
    Reminds me of a classic piece in National Lampoon back in the Seventies: "Good Sex With Retarded Girls". I can't bring myself to post the illustration... :)
  • 2kool4skool
    I'm curious about what this Def Leopard guy's deal is. Do you know the girl/her family? If so, this went from funny to hilarious real quick.
  • Fab1b
    Def Leopard guy will pour some sugar on it!!
  • enigmaax
    2kool4skool;462972 wrote:I'm curious about what this Def Leopard guy's deal is. Do you know the girl/her family? If so, this went from funny to hilarious real quick.

    Yeah, he's acting like someone nailed HIS retarded sister or something. I'm picturing Doug from 50 First Dates.
  • sjmvsfscs08
    Def Leopad better put up or shut up. This beating around the bush is minor league. :D

    Also, is ctown in the UK?

    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/man-jailed-for-sex-with-autistic-girl-1951645.html
  • SportsAndLady
    You fucked a girl you found on Craigslist whose job is to water plants at Lowes.....
  • Heelz
    Murdski99;462876 wrote:get you some pimp......i bet retards suck a mean dick :D

    HAHA wow ,this made me lol.

    Did you do her best friend yet?
  • Def Leopard
    sjmvsfscs08;463273 wrote:Def Leopad better put up or shut up. This beating around the bush is minor league. :D

    Also, is ctown in the UK?

    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/man-jailed-for-sex-with-autistic-girl-1951645.html

    What do you mean put up or shut up? It's not my thread. Just adding to it as anyone else would with what I've heard.[
  • SportsAndLady
    Def Leopard;463411 wrote:What do you mean put up or shut up? It's not my thread. Just adding to it as anyone else would with what I've heard.[

    Do you know this broad? Do you have a picture of her? Are you real?
  • sleeper
    This only became "made-up" when he got backlash for boning a handicapped chick. I mean a slumpbuster is one thing, but taking advantage of a person with a handicap is just wrong, and you can take that to the bank.
  • Def Leopard
    SportsAndLady;463516 wrote:Do you know this broad? Do you have a picture of her? Are you real?

    First of all, she's not a broad, she is a young woman, second, I don't keep a portfolio of womens pictures so I don't have a picture of her. If I did I certainly wouldn't post it here so you could make fun of her. And lastly, yes I'm real, I do see my image in the mirror.
  • Trueblue23
    This thread is great.

    First Matt brags about banging a tard, is ripped for it (who saw that coming?!), and now is getting all defensive about it.

    Poster child for abortion right there.
  • Trueblue23
    I also can't believe some people actually use these online sites to get dates/sex.

    Matt are you a pathetic soul indeed.
  • SportsAndLady
    Def Leopard;463599 wrote:First of all, she's not a broad, she is a young woman, second, I don't keep a portfolio of womens pictures so I don't have a picture of her. If I did I certainly wouldn't post it here so you could make fun of her. And lastly, yes I'm real, I do see my image in the mirror.

    To paraphrase a quote from Role Models, "you white, you ben affleck" .....you a chick, you a broad.

    I am not asking for you to give us her portfolio (???) of pictures...maybe just the link to her craiglist page (lol) so we can see what this slightly autistic slumpbuster looks like?
  • Def Leopard
    ^^^^^
    Why don't you just whack off to mom and dad's last issue of national Geographic?
  • Fly4Fun
    I'm not buyin Def Leopard's claim here...

    What are the chances that he is also in the same area of NC and happens to know the female. This is an Ohio based site... I'm not buying it.
  • 4cards
    Glory Days;462166 wrote:haha yeah, something isnt right here. thats too easy of a hook up even for SQ Crazies.
    ...sure and then you're the ra-tard the gets fucked and dumped by some you guy you hardly know.
  • SportsAndLady
    Def Leopard;463631 wrote:^^^^^
    Why don't you just whack off to mom and dad's last issue of national Geographic?

    Soooooo....the link....
  • Def Leopard
    Why is it my responsibility to provide a link to this woman. I don't scan craigslist for dates and as I said before, if I knew I wouldn't provide it here. It has been proven that some of you have no moral character and would make life miserable for her. If that link is so important to you I think you may be dealing with some issues also.