Political Cartoons and jokes
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ou1980http://www.liquidgeneration.com/Blog/Suck_My_Blog/What_Really_Happened_To_Silvio_Berlusconi
True Americans put aside there differences and stand up to the call of duty when the Commander in Chief makes it... -
CenterBHSFan
Where do you think America is at now, according to this chart?
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CenterBHSFan
Thousands Gather To Protest Global Warming!
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CenterBHSFan
haha, one of my republican buddys sent this to me just now!
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Elliot Stabler
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Websurfinbird
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I Wear Pants
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I Wear Pants
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OneBuckeye
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I Wear PantsLinkI know there are a lot of people out there who are upset about some of the things I've been saying on my radio program lately. My comments about the situation in Haiti have hurt and angered many Americans who genuinely care about the plight of the Haitian people, and that hurt and anger will likely never go away. Many of you are probably wondering, "What would compel a human being to say things like that?" Well, here's your answer: I am a very bad person. And, to tell you the truth, I don't really want to be alive anymore.
Try to look at it from my point of view. I have no reason to live. In my 59 years, I've made millions of dollars, built a veritable media empire, and accomplished virtually everything that a man of my limited imagination and worldview could possibly accomplish. And yet, at this point, in no way could you refer to what I'm doing as "living," exactly. I just sort of exist. I derive no real pleasure from life. Oh, sure, I talk a big game about what a golf nut I am and how much I enjoy the taste of a fine cigar, but it's all horseshit. Complete and utter horseshit.
I don't enjoy that stuff. I don't enjoy anything. I don't even want to be here. The sadness and regret I feel every waking hour of my life is absolutely unbearable. I am a miserable pig and I do not want to exist.
The irony is that, even if I did die, the hell I would surely be sent to could not possibly be any worse than the bottomless pool of excrement I already paddle around in like some demented, shit-covered walrus. In fact, every time I hear my voice coming through the headphones I nearly gag, and I think, "What the fuck am I doing?" Why would I say that Michael J. Fox is faking his Parkinson's symptoms? Why would I find it funny to play a song called "Barack the Magic Negro"? Why would I tell people not to give aid to Haiti?
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I live in constant terror and that terror informs my every word, thought, and action.
See, the thing is, I honestly cannot control the bilious hatred and filth that oozes out of my mouth. I want to—believe me, I want to—but I can't. And every time I speak, a tiny voice inside my head is screaming, "Stop talking, you stupid, insensitive prick. JUST STOP FUCKING TALKING. All you do is spread hate and fear, and the world would be a better place without you, you worthless, amoral, cocksucking fuckface."
What I should really do is just commit suicide. I have this little Sunday ritual I started around the time I publicly compared the torture at Abu Ghraib to a fraternity prank, where I climb into my Jacuzzi and put a gun in my mouth. But I can never work up the guts to pull the trigger. A few times I came close to overdosing on prescription pain pills, but my goddamn doctors were always there to save me. If I had any sense, I would just hole myself up in a Red Roof Inn with a case of Jack Daniel's and slowly drink myself into the gaping maw of death itself.
But what can I say? I guess I'm just too much of a fat fucking pussy to follow through.
You know what? I wish someone would just kill me. I'm serious. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking: "Oh my God, how can you say such a thing? You can't print that in a newspaper!" But see, I don't care anymore. I've cried my tears. I've battled my demons, and I've lost. It's over. It's all over. The only thing left for me to do now is just go away. Have I even once contributed a single ounce of good to humanity? Put me out of my misery. I wouldn't make a fuss. I wouldn't even humiliate myself by saying goodbye. For the first time in my odious, pitiful life, I'd accept my fate with quiet dignity.
Then I wouldn't have to live with my wretched, wretched self. Oh, the release.
I've imagined my death a thousand times over, and it's always the same. In my mind's eye, a serene setting comes into view. I see a funeral procession driving down some small-town Main Street in Nowheresville, U.S.A. On one side of the street, a collection of sycophants and morons are paying their respects in subliterate, sanctimonious tones. Meanwhile, on the other side of the street, I can just make out the faint image of a young boy, his brow furrowed in confusion, clutching the hand of his father. "Who is that man, Daddy?" he asks as the hearse containing my bloated, lifeless body rolls by. "Who is that person they speak of?" The father will then lower his head and say, "There, my son, go the remains of Rush Hudson Limbaugh, the most abominable lump of festering dog shit in the history of American broadcasting. May the likes of him never again soil or tarnish the greatness of our fair country."
Please forgive me, everyone. I am so sorry. -
CenterBHSFan
Beware of this...
"Gonorrhea Lectim"
The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease.
The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior.
The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim..
And pronounced "gonna re-elect them."
Many victims contracted it in 2008, after having been screwed for the past two years.
Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how destructive this disease has become since it is easily cured....by voting out the incumbents! -
fish82
Not The Onion's best work. You people get really cranky when your getting your asses kicked.I Wear Pants wrote: LinkI know there are a lot of people out there who are upset about some of the things I've been saying on my radio program lately. My comments about the situation in Haiti have hurt and angered many Americans who genuinely care about the plight of the Haitian people, and that hurt and anger will likely never go away. Many of you are probably wondering, "What would compel a human being to say things like that?" Well, here's your answer: I am a very bad person. And, to tell you the truth, I don't really want to be alive anymore.
Try to look at it from my point of view. I have no reason to live. In my 59 years, I've made millions of dollars, built a veritable media empire, and accomplished virtually everything that a man of my limited imagination and worldview could possibly accomplish. And yet, at this point, in no way could you refer to what I'm doing as "living," exactly. I just sort of exist. I derive no real pleasure from life. Oh, sure, I talk a big game about what a golf nut I am and how much I enjoy the taste of a fine cigar, but it's all horseshit. Complete and utter horseshit.
I don't enjoy that stuff. I don't enjoy anything. I don't even want to be here. The sadness and regret I feel every waking hour of my life is absolutely unbearable. I am a miserable pig and I do not want to exist.
The irony is that, even if I did die, the hell I would surely be sent to could not possibly be any worse than the bottomless pool of excrement I already paddle around in like some demented, shit-covered walrus. In fact, every time I hear my voice coming through the headphones I nearly gag, and I think, "What the fuck am I doing?" Why would I say that Michael J. Fox is faking his Parkinson's symptoms? Why would I find it funny to play a song called "Barack the Magic Negro"? Why would I tell people not to give aid to Haiti?
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I live in constant terror and that terror informs my every word, thought, and action.
See, the thing is, I honestly cannot control the bilious hatred and filth that oozes out of my mouth. I want to—believe me, I want to—but I can't. And every time I speak, a tiny voice inside my head is screaming, "Stop talking, you stupid, insensitive prick. JUST STOP FUCKING TALKING. All you do is spread hate and fear, and the world would be a better place without you, you worthless, amoral, cocksucking fuckface."
What I should really do is just commit suicide. I have this little Sunday ritual I started around the time I publicly compared the torture at Abu Ghraib to a fraternity prank, where I climb into my Jacuzzi and put a gun in my mouth. But I can never work up the guts to pull the trigger. A few times I came close to overdosing on prescription pain pills, but my goddamn doctors were always there to save me. If I had any sense, I would just hole myself up in a Red Roof Inn with a case of Jack Daniel's and slowly drink myself into the gaping maw of death itself.
But what can I say? I guess I'm just too much of a fat fucking pussy to follow through.
You know what? I wish someone would just kill me. I'm serious. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking: "Oh my God, how can you say such a thing? You can't print that in a newspaper!" But see, I don't care anymore. I've cried my tears. I've battled my demons, and I've lost. It's over. It's all over. The only thing left for me to do now is just go away. Have I even once contributed a single ounce of good to humanity? Put me out of my misery. I wouldn't make a fuss. I wouldn't even humiliate myself by saying goodbye. For the first time in my odious, pitiful life, I'd accept my fate with quiet dignity.
Then I wouldn't have to live with my wretched, wretched self. Oh, the release.
I've imagined my death a thousand times over, and it's always the same. In my mind's eye, a serene setting comes into view. I see a funeral procession driving down some small-town Main Street in Nowheresville, U.S.A. On one side of the street, a collection of sycophants and morons are paying their respects in subliterate, sanctimonious tones. Meanwhile, on the other side of the street, I can just make out the faint image of a young boy, his brow furrowed in confusion, clutching the hand of his father. "Who is that man, Daddy?" he asks as the hearse containing my bloated, lifeless body rolls by. "Who is that person they speak of?" The father will then lower his head and say, "There, my son, go the remains of Rush Hudson Limbaugh, the most abominable lump of festering dog shit in the history of American broadcasting. May the likes of him never again soil or tarnish the greatness of our fair country."
Please forgive me, everyone. I am so sorry.
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Belly35
Song:
Joke:
Subject:* Long Distance call* George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and
Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what
the phone is for.*
* *
*The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin
asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was
finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million
dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30
minutes. When she was finished the devil informs her that cost
is 6 million dollars, so Queen Elizabeth writes him a check. *
*Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When
he was finished the devil informed him that there would be no
charge for the call and feel free to call the USA anytime.
When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why
Bush got to call the USA free. The devil replied, "Since Obama became president of the USA , the country has gone to hell, so naturally it's a local call."* -
Bio-Hazzzzard
Notice how our tax dollars fund playing card games while another person is speaking? No wonder some states can never get anywhere.
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BigdoggFunny stuff!
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superman
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2quik4u
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Mr. 300
Funny little thing........
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Writerbuckeye
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CenterBHSFan
Got this in my email today. It's an impersonation of President Obama done by Steve Bridges. It's actually the best one I've seen yet! He has the voice inflection, facial expressions and hand gestures down pat!
http://www.stevebridges.com/obamavideos-promo-jan2010-lg.html -
Belly35
Dan Rather ...........
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CenterBHSFan
^^^^ I like how Matthews cuts him off! lmao
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Footwedge
Yes this one was good. "No children's behind left alone" caused a small LOL. Much better than the Chinese debate of "do sex to you" fame. Still....where are the Richard Littles of the world when it comes to impersonators?CenterBHSFan wrote: Got this in my email today. It's an impersonation of President Obama done by Steve Bridges. It's actually the best one I've seen yet! He has the voice inflection, facial expressions and hand gestures down pat!
http://www.stevebridges.com/obamavideos-promo-jan2010-lg.html -
CenterBHSFan
Poor Joe... lmao, somebody should tell him to shut his trap