Coach vs. Parent

• bigdogdad

  During a D3 final I saw something very interesting occur. Hopefully I can get all the facts since straight I was watching other matches at same time. With the score tied and I believe less than a minute to go. Coach tells wrestler to stay on top. Dad tells wrestler go neutral. Wrestler listens to dad, gives up the point. Time runs out and kid ends up losing the match by 1. Based on their expressions, the coaches were livid and as expected speechless. So who do you strangle first, kid or dad? BTW I have no dog in this fight, this just for the sake of discussing and others to give their opinion.
• lowsingle174

  That is a tough one. I think you need to tell the parent you know how to coach, and if they don't like it, they need to take the kid elsewhere.
• Gblock

  if i was the coach i would cut the kid next year
• goldenknights

  Keep dad out of the chair and this problem won't develop.
• bigdogdad

  goldenknights wrote: Keep dad out of the chair and this problem won't develop.

  
  
  In this situation it was the finals and as you know they let the parents down on the floor. The dad was yelling at his son from there. Which makes this situation even more bizarre. The kid was paying more attention to his dad than either of the coaches sitting in the chairs.
• goldenknights

  I can see it all happening. Rough. No real solution from my view point.
• Tjones85

  hope the kid wasnt a senior if thats the case there will be some arguements in that house for years to come between the dad and son. Hence why the kid should have listened to the coach. Seems like the coaches were right and the dad gave the wrong choice.
• texasbuckeye

  Actually had this happen. Kid had a great shot at making it to state, but decided that listening to dad was more important than the coaches. As a coach, you try to instill in the kids that they need to only focus on the coaches and the match, but some wrestlers get different directions at home. Not much you can do about it. It's too bad. On the other hand, the dad didn't have anyone to blame but himself.
• BSFA

  Its kinda of sad. I know I observed one central ohio dad this past season who "Hovered" over the coaches and the other wrestlers on the mat. He did this at two duals and even at districts. The only thing he seemed to do was hold his sons headgear and give him advise (good or not). The coaches allowed the behavior. So, I feel they are atleast partially to blame ( I do understand its tough for coaches to get on parents). If the parent doesnt trust the coaches and they think they know better...then either get a team and coach or get off the mat and let the coaches do their job and get your tail in the stands and be a parent.
• cruiser_96

  

  This is a tough one. I will say that there are times when myself & my assistant dont agree on what we should do in similar situations. Especially if there has been a stalling call.
  
  The big thing is the respect factor. If said dad has beeen underminding the coaches throughout the year than there would definately be a problem. However if the coaches and dad get along, and dad just got caught up in the moment. I am sure everything will get ironed out.
• falcon81

  

  I have also seen it the other way when a coach Made the bad call and the Dad coach had it right but nothing is said in that situation. I think alot of times Dad coaches are far more under the Microscope than any other coach and therefore mistakes are jumped on immediately.. Lets all admit that there are the posters who never pass up a dig on a Dad. We could all even agree that some posters are obsessed with this tendency to focus on Father /Son relationships in wrestling. Maybe its due to a bad Father relationship they had growing up or just plain envy of a Dad and his Son's relationship. I have also witnessed Big name coaches of major wrestling programs who were terrible Fathers on and off the mat in which a kid could not handle the pressure of wrestling for his own head coach Dad but yet that coach was great for other kids.
  My own son lost his go to place match at state this year because he kicked a kid with 13 seconds . That point put him in OT and then he lost. I wish I had been in his Corner the whole match(it was the 1st I had missed) but I was coaching his twin brothers go to match which he blew a 8-0 3rd period lead to only win 10-8 . Almost twin disasters at the same time. I don't blame that coach who was in my son's corner, He should have known better(my son). But I'am sure if it had been me , someone would be smack talking. NFL coaches make bad calls, Dads make bad calls , HS seasoned Coaches make bad calls. Everyone has those bad decisions and had bad moments in Judgement. Every single Father/ Son relationship is Unique and can not be lumped together , trust me I have 7 kids and they are all different. So give that Dad a break who ever he is, what's important is how they dealt with the mistake as a Coach/ Dad/Wrestler and what they learned from it . As in anything you can find a Great, good , bad or terrible example for any point you want to prove.
• jumpin around

  Well said falcon, I am a parent that coached from the stands because the coaches had no clue what was going on. But it came out right for my son and me... I say me because when he wrestled so did I . I did not wrestle through him as most people say, but with him.
• WGBplayer

  Why pay the coaches then?
• queencitybuckeye

  If you're a parent, and want to coach, get a coaching job. When someone else is coaching your kid, STFU.
• justincredible

  

  queencitybuckeye wrote: If you're a parent, and want to coach, get a coaching job. When someone else is coaching your kid, STFU.

  I agree with this.
• falcon81

  

  queencitybuckeye wrote: If you're a parent, and want to coach, get a coaching job. When someone else is coaching your kid, STFU.

  In all honesty, Hopefully your not a coach , Dad or even a fan. In your world I guess the Gym would be totally quite and Parents would stay home. Most great wrestlers if not all Had a extremely active fathers that got the kid where he needed to be and are far more the reason behind the kids success than an individual coach. That is a indisputable fact that I think drives some people like you nuts. Most serious wrestlers have between 3 to 5 major and different kinds of mentors and coaches behind their success between Folkstyle, Greco and Freestyle. Most top kids spend time with their HS coach during HS folkstyle season only and some of their club coaches know them better. My sons wrestle around 110 matches apiece in the off season and only 45 a apiece with their HS. We have a great relationship with our HS coach and he encourages anyone that has the knowledge and Time to make our team better. Why do some of you guys have to always attack "parents" and lump them in one pile. With out them you don't have a wrestling team . My guess is most of you "stfu" guys have not raised a kid yet or had a very deprived relationship with your own parents.
  I love a crazy hot passionate mom yelling moves at her boy in the heat of battle and I dare you to tell her to "STFU" in the middle of her sons match. LOL, LMAO!! She will kick your A#$ and you know it!! Give it up and back off these hard working parents like their the devil and maybe go have some kids of your own and we will see how quiet you are when your kid is wrestling!!! You Dad haters crack me up!LOL!!!
• justincredible

  

  falcon81 wrote:

  queencitybuckeye wrote: If you're a parent, and want to coach, get a coaching job. When someone else is coaching your kid, STFU.

  In all honesty, Hopefully your not a coach , Dad or even a fan. In your world I guess the Gym would be totally quite and Parents would stay home. Most great wrestlers if not all Had a extremely active fathers that got the kid where he needed to be and are far more the reason behind the kids success than an individual coach. That is a indisputable fact that I think drives some people like you nuts. Most serious wrestlers have between 3 to 5 major and different kinds of mentors and coaches behind their success between Folkstyle, Greco and Freestyle. Most top kids spend time with their HS coach during HS folkstyle season only and some of their club coaches know them better. My sons wrestle around 110 matches apiece in the off season and only 45 a apiece with their HS. We have a great relationship with our HS coach and he encourages anyone that has the knowledge and Time to make our team better. Why do some of you guys have to always attack "parents" and lump them in one pile. With out them you don't have a wrestling team . My guess is most of you "stfu" guys have not raised a kid yet or had a very deprived relationship with your own parents.
  I love a crazy hot passionate mom yelling moves at her boy in the heat of battle and I dare you to tell her to "STFU" in the middle of her sons match. LOL, LMAO!! She will kick your A#$ and you know it!! Give it up and back off these hard working parents like their the devil and maybe go have some kids of your own and we will see how quiet you are when your kid is wrestling!!! You Dad haters crack me up!LOL!!!

  There is a difference between yelling from the stands and giving advice that contradicts the coach while sitting on the mat.
• zambrown

  

  falcon81 wrote: I love a crazy hot passionate mom yelling moves at her boy in the heat of battle and I dare you to tell her to "STFU" in the middle of her sons match. LOL, LMAO!! She will kick your A#$ and you know it!!

  justincredible wrote: There is a difference between yelling from the stands and giving advice that contradicts the coach while sitting on the mat.

  Falcon81, I had to LMAO when I read this. I must confess this is too true and I appreciate the fact that dads understand how crazy moms can get, too (I know my husband is well aware)! However, I completely agree with Justin as well. I have been guilty of getting a little crazy in the stands (MAYBE once or twice ), but I would NEVER expect my son to listen to me over his more than qualified coaches. Interesting topic, btw.
• mgutrman

  I as a parent trust and belive in my sons coach, but I have taken him to summer practices, meets and tournaments all over the state over 100 summer matches a year for 5 years to only around 120 high school matches. Not saying this dad was right but if he did what the coach told him and it did not work out would that had been better for the kid either? At least I know my son would not be mad at me he knows now matter what I only tell him what I think best for him. As for our coach he is very up front and would get on me and the boy. But the simple fact is I know my son better than anyone.
• dbluvsd1amonds

  

  zambrown wrote:
  Falcon81, I had to LMAO when I read this. I must confess this is too true and I appreciate the fact that dads understand how crazy moms can get, too (I know my husband is well aware)! However, I completely agree with Justin as well. I have been guilty of getting a little crazy in the stands (MAYBE once or twice ), but I would NEVER expect my son to listen to me over his more than qualified coaches. Interesting topic, btw.

  LOL. ZamBrown, I have no idea what you speak of??? I have never been accused of this. (I don't have lying font...)
• zambrown

  

  dbluvsd1amonds wrote:

  zambrown wrote:
  Falcon81, I had to LMAO when I read this. I must confess this is too true and I appreciate the fact that dads understand how crazy moms can get, too (I know my husband is well aware)! However, I completely agree with Justin as well. I have been guilty of getting a little crazy in the stands (MAYBE once or twice ), but I would NEVER expect my son to listen to me over his more than qualified coaches. Interesting topic, btw.

  LOL. ZamBrown, I have no idea what you speak of??? I have never been accused of this. (I don't have lying font...)

  Yeah, I am always in control during matches and I'm sure you have too!
• fvwrestler2001

  this is a tough one
  i see both sides of the coin
  what if as a parent you tried to coach but the school distict hires a coach that works for the school who is clueless about the sport. i have seen this. kids who are die hards suffer b/c of this.
  
  but on the other hand if you are a parent and the coach has been around the sport there comes a point that you need to trust them.
  
  but in the end the kids should make the decisions they are the ones wrestling and if your in the state finals you know how to wrestle and what you should do as much as most coaches do.
• 82airborne

  I understand Falcon completly. I no longer coach but I have seen every match my son has wrestled in the last 10 years. have seen the good along with the bad. I have learned what he does well along with what he does bad. I find myself yelling over the coach many times fortunatly it is usually the same comments. I'm lucky enough to have a coaching staff, yes staff( the asst. coachs work just as hard) that listen to our parents comments and explain why they want our kids to do what they ask. It seems like everytime I'm at an open tourney or open mats Falcon is there. I have watched his kids wrestle for what seems forever and I witnessed his dedication to those boys passion. Anytime our child either succeeds or fails we want to share in it, thats human nature. but lets remember both parents and coaches alike want only one thing... Our kids success. I guess the point I'm trying to make is... Yes trust your coach but at the same time the coaches must also trust the parents. It's much easier to work towards a common goal together than against each other.
• WGBplayer

  I've seen this same exact scenario and there is one just like this going on in our area as I speak. If you honestly believe the coach has no clue what he is doing (none of that in this area thankfully) then you need to do the responsible thing and talk to him after the day and if you're still not satisfied with the coaches abilities then you need to talk to an A.D. Other than that in my opinion as a parent be supportive and hoot and holler all you want but you leave it up to the coaches otherwise you get your butt in the seat and do it your way. While he is on the mat he is the coaches responsibility. This is coming from a coach, referee, former wrestler "with a crazy" (he was just really loud, that's all really) who knew his wrestling but did THE RIGHT THING and let the coach do the coaching. Otherwise you become one of those parents that everyone just looks at and disrespects and shakes their heads at IMO. (we've all seen those types.)
• rtherthrwyathnknwya

  

  I have always wondered why choices of position are given so much emphasis. Hundreds of choices are made by the wrestler during the heat of the match. Shoot or counter, legs or wrist ride, stand up or switch, etc. The wrestler should be trained to feel the match and make the call. So why is it that at a moment that a coach can give his unavoidable opinion that the wrestler is obligated to obey. Earlier in the match coach yelled single and the kid hit a duck under, who knows.
  
  Bottom line is its overbearing coaches who want to pull all the strings that have a problem with what happened. A high school kid should have the ability to make the correct decision. He's the one who'll have to live with it. The kid could have ignored Dad just like he did coach. Now if Dad says listen to me or else...now that's another problem.
  
  Falcon. I am jealous of your Dadness to your boys. Man cave? I didn't even have a man hole...wait that didn't sound right...man pit...no no. You get the idea. I do know Coach/Dads the are great with other peoples kids, just not their own. Such a great point. It is a case by case situation. There are Dads that are good with one son, but not the other. Sure does make it hard to make blanket statements.
  
  Player. You pay coaches to do tons of things, but ultimately the choice should be the wrestler's. Making your own choice doesn't mean its time to dismiss the coaches. Remember we're talking state finals. If you make it that far you should be able to make that decision.