Coach vs. Parent

• green-d

  I think it shows a total lack of respect to the coach by the parent.
• WGBplayer

  I'm with ya on allowing the kid his own choice. I've done that and asked him what to take whatever he's felt more comfortable with. I'm ok with that. Especially at that level but sometimes you need someone who sees the action from the outside to help because they see things the wrestler doesn't sometimes. I think that comes from the guys with their butts in the seats.
• falcon81

  

  Great thread, great discussion. Nice to see people reasonably talking about this subject. So many times there seems to be a sigmate of posters very very bothered to see parental envolvment at the fan or coaching level. I was the assistant coach way back in 1986 when Tuslaw had its 1st State champ Roger Loar with coach Ted Salsburg. A great experience , I had no kids then . Seven Kids later and coaching again at Tuslaw with my own sons is a very special thing to me ,Watching my oldest win his state title from the stands was also very enjoyable and far less stressfull. For the fact I coach them and others all summer and I do know their every little tendency. Coach Horvath uses that to his advantage and has had no ego problem with that at all. Good coaches get all the help they can get. Its been a good situation and I can say we didn't have a single blip all season. You just can't lump everyone together on this topic. The good , the Bad and the Ugly. Enjoy your kids while you can. They will be gone soon. Savor every moment. Again good positive thread.
• I Wear Pants

  falcon81 wrote: Great thread, great discussion. Nice to see people reasonably talking about this subject. So many times there seems to be a sigmate of posters very very bothered to see parental envolvment at the fan or coaching level. I was the assistant coach way back in 1986 when Tuslaw had its 1st State champ Roger Loar with coach Ted Salsburg. A great experience , I had no kids then . Seven Kids later and coaching again at Tuslaw with my own sons is a very special thing to me ,Watching my oldest win his state title from the stands was also very enjoyable and far less stressfull. For the fact I coach them and others all summer and I do know their every little tendency. Coach Horvath uses that to his advantage and has had no ego problem with that at all. Good coaches get all the help they can get. Its been a good situation and I can say we didn't have a single blip all season. You just can't lump everyone together on this topic. The good , the Bad and the Ugly. Enjoy your kids while you can. They will be gone soon. Savor every moment. Again good positive thread.

  But I do think that you're in the minority of parent coaches.
  
  That is to say, you know what you're talking about.
• litlguysdad

  

  I agree with everything falcon81 has said. The thing that I have trouble with is, our coaches always want their kids to take down in the 2nd period regardless of the situation. While I agree a kid needs to be able to escape, I also think there are alot of different scenarios and should be treated as such.
• falcon81

  

  litlguysdad wrote: I agree with everything falcon81 has said. The thing that I have trouble with is, our coaches always want their kids to take down in the 2nd period regardless of the situation. While I agree a kid needs to be able to escape, I also think there are alot of different scenarios and should be treated as such.

  Taking down no matter what is a big mistake many times. My own twins will take their feet and go neutral If they are dominating someone in the 1st period. Why give a kid a chance on top , that might be his best position . If they do get taken down they still get a chance to escape and get the takedown back and they are ahead again. Also what is the score ? That can make a big difference. How many times have we seen a kid winning solidly , take down and get turned and pinned. Yet I agree most coaches almost automatically go down every time in every situation.
• queencitybuckeye

  falcon81 wrote:

  queencitybuckeye wrote: If you're a parent, and want to coach, get a coaching job. When someone else is coaching your kid, STFU.

  My guess is most of you "stfu" guys have not raised a kid yet or had a very deprived relationship with your own parents.
  

  Nothing like some amateur psychoanalysis from a functional illiterate.
• falcon81

  

  queencitybuckeye wrote:

  falcon81 wrote:

  queencitybuckeye wrote: If you're a parent, and want to coach, get a coaching job. When someone else is coaching your kid, STFU.

  My guess is most of you "stfu" guys have not raised a kid yet or had a very deprived relationship with your own parents.
  

  Nothing like some amateur psychoanalysis from a functional illiterate.

  Oh no !!! Not the spelling police !! Thats another thread. " Do good spellers make better coaches and parents."
  I know in business I lacked good spelling being a kid that worked 2 jobs thru school , a bad parental situation and then going straight into the military. I am embarrassed to say I have had to employe two staffers with masters degree's to make sure my letters and speeches and documents are correct in my start from scratch coast to coast National Photo Chain that I started out of the Trailer Park across from Tuslaw HS with the Change in my pocket as capital. I have not ran into a situation where spelling effected my coaching knowlege or helped me be a better Dad yet. Definitely hate to waste Staff for a wrestling forum . Queencitybuckey do you interrupt and insult people's poor grammar or mistakes at a party or get togethers when your Idea's or arguments are failing . I doubt you get invited back to too many parties even though your an excellent speller . BTW I am the president of the "FUCTIONAL ILLITERATE" Club and on staff at the Nelson household along with my wife for 28 years as the Resident "Amateaur Psychoanalysis" councilor in Children and family affairs. So I resent , I mean resemble your remarks! Just having a little fun. Chill and smell the roses. LOL!!
• cdva

  

  Where to begin...
  In the match you mentioned...it was tied with a minute left?
  Was that due to superior coaching putting a kid in position to win a match, or poor coaching up to that point hold the kid back?
  
  The kid listening to his parent instead of the coach most likely had been going on for a long time prior to that last minute of that match.There are plenty of parents who are more knowledgeable than some of the coaches in their sons corner.
  The coach and or coaching staff needs to work with the kids and parents to convey the faith in judgment. Some coaches are great in the practice room and horrible in the corner. Some are the opposite. I have coached alongside both. Some parents have great knowledge but when their son is on the mat they want someone else coaching for any one of a number of reasons. More than one head coach that I have seen have had someone on staff coach his son.
  If parents and coaches are butting heads it is the coaches responsibility to work for the solution.
• redstreak one

  

  This sounds to me like a life lesson teaching moment to me. I have children, and I have been a player on a team with my father as the coach and in the stands. While I understand the need to try and get my child to the pinnacle of sports, I can also see how letting your child be coached, even if wrong in your opinion by who is in charge more important life lesson. We as parents cannot be with our children through every trial and tribulation through their life and must take every oppurtunity to teach them that while they may have failed or triumphed, it isnt the end of the world. Just my opinion. I have never wrestled so I cant comment anything on that side of it.
• 80baby

  Wow this is an interesting topic. I can only feel for the kid after loosing the match. On the other hand as a parent I wonder how that parent feels after giving the advice to his kid. I do hope that the kid along with his dad and coach worked through that together.
  
  As parent’s we have to trust the coach and believe that our kids can wrestle to their full potential. Also as parents and coach’s we have to understand that the last thing that a kid wants to do is disappoint their parent and or coach. I know this first hand because I coach two of my son’s when they where in high school. As for my youngest son I could feel that added pressures every time he wrestled in a big match when I was sitting in the chair. I had to learn as a parent and coach just to let go and let him wrestle his own match.
  
  One thing that I have learned as a coach is to trust in my kids and try to put them in the best possible position to win. With that being the case I don’t put everyone down when it there choice and I don’t demand that everyone defer when it our choice.
  
  We’re all human and subject to mistakes and no matter what we tell a kid to do during a match the bottom line is how bad do they want it and can they get the job done.
  
  On the other side what do you do when you have a kid that looses a close match just because the kid was better at that time and the parent rips the kid a new one when the match is over?
• falcon81

  

  A little prayer me and my sons have before a tournament. Lord bless us today only according to our work and what we have put in. Only let us reap what we have sewn. Bless our opponent and keep him from injury as we impose our will and gather our harvest. May the man that prepared the most and wrestles with honor be given the victory . May we be thankfull for victory or defeat for both are oppurtunities to honor you and our family . amen. You should never put pressure on your kid to win a match he shouldn't . It helps you to enjoy the matches more that he loses and puts more value in the training , practice and the long term process of raising a good solid young man. Its Ok to get a little worked up and over passionett some times , and even make some mistakes. Just make sure you give your kid a big hug and tell him your sorry for getting out of line. Let him know he is your son 1st and a wrestler 2nd and there is life after wrestling.
• mar1933k

  i have coached for 30 years next year being my last,I will coach my son his last year along with the rest of the team along with the other coaches on the team,I helped coach them when they were in school,with that being said i like to have one of the other coaches in the corner with me when my son is on the mat for a different view,but i what and expect the same of anyone i coach and that is their best effort.I live every day with my son i know how he is feeling whats been going on,the extra work he does so yea i want him to do well and some times i get upset when he doesnt do well when he should,and i have to back away and remind myself that he and the rest of these young men are just that youg men and still learning.It is more important to me that he grow a respected young man then a state champ that is a disrespectful ass.
• hang_loose

  Personally, I think think the situation is between the coach and wrestler. This situation should have been brought up in the beginning of the season. Rule #1: Wrestler listens to coach only! Rule #2: Deal with the consequences .
  
  I cannot see how you can ask parents, family and friends not to help "coach". Every match I've ever seen has had some bleacher coaches. (and its not just wrestling). Its just natural for anyone to try to help their wrestler anyway they can while they are out on the mat.
  
  Next time you're at a wrestling match, listen to how many bleacher and armchair "COACHES" there are out there.
• yupitsme

  wow, heres my thoughts. I have 10 years invested in my kid and nobody knows him better than I do. Nobody understands what he should be doing and when he should be doing it. He may be really good at something "like taking down" and getting out, but there are time when he should not go down. It just depends on the situation. In my oppinion, a coach with everything he has on his plate does not always make the right choice when those situations happen. However, as much as it angers me when a coach doesn't make the right choice for my son, he is the coach and we (my son and I) will repect that and let the coach be the coach. In that situation, the father telling his son what to do, the coaches after that need to talk to the kid. Theres a huge life lesson here for the kid. Even if the dad doesn't want to let go and trust others with his son, the son's going to have to sooner or later. My sons a freshman and this is the year i let go. it's been a learning process for me as well, some dads just don't get there. hopefully the dad and son work things out with the coaches, even if hes a senior (im not sure how old he was)