If LeBron's FA destinations were women...

• Trueblue23

  

  Cleveland -- Cleveland is the girl you dated since middle school. She's not the hottest, probably a 6 or 7, but you are comfortable with her and know what to expect. You could stay with her forever and be content. And she still looks decent when she's in shape and puts on something nice and wears makeup and deodorant. But you'll always wonder if you should have left her for someone else and if you could be having amazing sex every night.
  
  Bulls -- The Bulls have everything you want. You would make a great pair. The only problem is that they had a long-term relationship with an amazing guy years ago, and no matter what you do, they'd probably always compare you to him.
  
  Knicks -- The Knicks were incredibly hot back in the day. But, sad to say, now they are all busted up. There is absolutely no reason you would want to get with this girl ... save one: her dad is loaded.
  
  Nets -- The Nets are not really your type, but they have this exotic thing going. They're Russian and you've never been with a Russian girl before. Your best friend knows her well and vouches for her and maybe this is who you should be with. But in the back of your mind there's this fear that if you mess up, she'll have you killed and toss your body in a dumpster.
  
  Clippers -- The Clippers are batshit insane. Every relationship they've ever had has been a disaster, usually with their partner getting physically injured. But, still ... there's something about them. They could be incredibly hot with the right makeover. And maybe you're just the person they've always needed.
  
  Heat -- The Heat look like the perfect relationship. Sure, you'll piss off your old girlfriend and all of her friends and family by getting with the Heat, but you have to take chances in life. The Heat would be an equal, talented, charismatic partner, which ... is kind of terrifying. I mean, deep inside, every man wants to be in control of the relationship. Will you have that with the Heat? What if the Heat doesn't love you as much as you love the Heat? You'll always be in the Heat's debt -- groveling and pathetic.
  
  Lakers -- Wow, this woman is the total package. She's hot, even by Hollywood standards... oh, but what's this? She's married? Shit. But man, is she hot. And from what I heard, she and her man had a rough patch a few years back. Ya know, if you don't mind being "that guy", I bet you could start up a "platonic friendship" with her right now, then be the guy she ends up with when she breaks up with her husband a few years from now. Sure, you'll always be "the other guy", but you'll be "the other guy" with the fame, fortune and hot wife. You should hit this.
• Nate

  Trueblue23;406713 wrote: Knicks -- The Knicks were incredibly hot back in the day. But, sad to say, now they are all busted up. There is absolutely no reason you would want to get with this girl ... save one: her dad is loaded.

  
  
  I still find it funny when people say the Knicks were incredibly hot back in the day. They've won 2 championships ever. (70,73). Won their division twice in 20 years. (93,94)
  
  *Yes, I do know that is more championships than the Cavs.
• BigAppleBuckeye

  

  Trueblue, that was a very enjoyable post, nice work.
• dave

  he already is with a cleveland, so that's a good sign.
• BCBulldog

  

  I think the descriptions are very good, but Miami is a little off. She is the really hot lesbian that has a girlfriend, but wants to bring you in for the ultimate experience. Sure you are going to have a great time and enjoy it while it's happening, but she is never going to be exclusive with you and you will always just a little less favored than the girl that she has been with for the last 10 years. Plus, you may not only be sharing with the girlfriend, but anyone else she brings home. Your ego better be in check or she will use you, abuse you and lose you fast.
• killdeer

  

  Miami = Angelina Jolie
  Chicago = Cameron Diaz
  Cleveland = Jen Aniston
  Clippers = Lady Gaga
  Nets = Regis Philbin
• hoops23

  

  killdeer;406915 wrote:Miami = Angelina Jolie - Kissed Billy Bob and her brother
  Chicago = Cameron Diaz - Not that hot anymore
  Cleveland = Jen Aniston - Pretty hot still
  Clippers = Lady Gaga - ???
  Nets = Regis Philbin - Self explanatory.

  There ya go.
• killdeer

  

  that's about what I was thinkin'
• darbypitcher22

  

  [QUOTE=Trueblue23;40671
  
  Clippers -- The Clippers are batshit insane. Every relationship they've ever had has been a disaster, usually with their partner getting physically injured. But, still ... there's something about them. They could be incredibly hot with the right makeover. And maybe you're just the person they've always needed.
  .[/QUOTE]
  
  I LOL'd
• mtp2013

  

  burp
• BigAppleBuckeye

  

  Cleveland = Jen Aniston? haha, how do you figure? Cause it's about to lose the industry's biggest star? (Lebron = Brad Pitt)
• BigAppleBuckeye

  

  BigAppleBuckeye;406732 wrote:Trueblue, that was a very enjoyable post, nice work.

  
  Trueblue, I take this back ... way to pawn off something witty as your original work. LAME! http://www.sportspickle.com/article:1034/article-lebrons-free-agent-options-as-women
• killdeer

  

  BigAppleBuckeye;407356 wrote:Cleveland = Jen Aniston? haha, how do you figure? Cause it's about to lose the industry's biggest star? (Lebron = Brad Pitt)

  yep, you catch on quick
• georgemc80

  Looks like somebody forgot to cite their sources.....tsk tsk tsk.
• Emmett Brown

  

  BigAppleBuckeye;407474 wrote:Trueblue, I take this back ... way to pawn off something witty as your original work. LAME! http://www.sportspickle.com/article:1034/article-lebrons-free-agent-options-as-women

  
  I knew after I read about Cleveland he didn't write that.
• Trueblue23

  

  The url is usually included automatically when you copy/paste from sports pickle. My bad
• Strapping Young Lad

  

  Haha, I knew he didn't write that. And Cleveland is Jen Aniston???? Maybe Drew Barrymore.
• mtp2013

  

  This thread sucks!! NBA sucks!!!!!!