Garrett Jones homers off obese psychopath!

• Heretic

  

  Carlos Zambrano has gone from being a very good starting pitcher who occasionally gets shelled and then storms around destroying things to a reliever who is great at throwing oil on fires.
  
  His top of the eighth inning in what was a 6-6 game with the Pirates.
  
  1. Hit Andy LaRoche (always a winning way to commence a fun outing).
  2. Andrew McCutchen gets a single to improve to 4-4 on the day. Runners on first and second.
  3. Oops! Bases are empty now, as Jones just took Big Z out of the park.
  4. Ryan Doumit doubles.
  5. Lastings "Most Awesome Name in Baseball" Milledge singles to put runners on first and third.
  6. HOLY SHIT!!!! Pinch-hitter Ryan Church got out. Z RETIRED A BATTER!!!!
  7. Doumit out at home on a fielder's choice grounder by Ronnie Cedeno.
  8. Jeff Clement reminds me that he's still Jeff Clement by striking out.
  
  If I'm the Cubs, I'm ecstatic I'm getting this much value for my $17M or so investment! 1-2 (1-3 if Pittsburgh doesn't choke), 7.07 ERA. Hopefully, he can break stuff now to help symbolize what his career's become!
• hasbeen

  

  He got three outs. What else does anyone want?!
• osu45804

  

  I got great fantasy numbers today from Garrett 5/6 2Runs, 1Double, 1HR & 5RBI lol
• Heretic

  

  ^^
  Today's a day that makes me wish I had both (or either, for that matter) he and McCutchen on my team.
  
  COMBINED STATS: 10/11, 2 HR, 7 runs scored, 7 RBIs, 2 SB (and a couple doubles as well, I think).
  
  I saw on the ESPN ticker that they were the first duo since 1999 to each have five hits AND a homer in one game. Very impressive feat...even if we're likely a bottom-feeder again this year.
• Mulva

  

  I've always been a big Zambrano fan (even though I can't stand the Cubs. Fucking pussy fans for a pussy team in an overrated stadium that doesn't deserve a champion)... anyways, I'm not sure what happened to him.
• Heretic

  

  The only thing I can think happened to him is that, considering how he seems high-strung and emotional, he's just mentally taken himself out of the game. He got off to a slow start, he got moved to the bullpen even though he's paid ace money AND he's pissed and doesn't care how he does. Hell, he might be noticing how the recently released Eric Byrnes is guaranteed his really fat MLB salary even though he's playing slow-pitch softball in semi-retirement mode. Z gets his $17M or whatever no matter what...if he's in a role he doesn't want, he's a guy who I could definitely see being like "fuck it" just because he gets paid no matter what.