What to expect when you're adopting

• O-Trap

  

  So my wife and I have decided we're going to adopt. We've been trying to have kids for years, and while nothing seems to be medically wrong (we've had that checked), we've still not been able to.
  
  We asked for a healthy newborn boy, so it will be an infant adoption.
  
  Anyone on here ever adopted, particularly an infant or a child with a different ethnic background? Is there any advice you'd give someone else doing something similar? I'm all ears.
• Mulva

  

  I have not, but respect for doing it.
• Belly35

  

  Only three dogs and down play ghetto home
  
  like any parent all you can do is love them ...After that ... You're on your own
• Zunardo

  O-Trap, I wish you the best in this. It's important to have clear goals in mind, follow your heart, and be prepared to wait for however long it takes. If the baby will be of different race/ethnicity than both you and your wife, it will be very important to ensure your child understands the different heritages involved as they grow up.
  
  My wife and I had a similar situation - after five years of trying, we decided to adopt. We wanted an infant no older than two months old. Since I'm white and my wife is black, we wanted a bi-racial black-white child so that they reflected what our biological children might look like.
  
  We tried Franklin County, but were informed we stood little chance of getting a healthy infant - they were focused on trying to place kids from five years old to seventeen, plus kids with special needs. They recommended we try a local social services agency.
  
  We went with Lutheran Social Services' black adoption program, headed up by a wonderful lady. It still took a while. At one point, after waiting seven months, the coordinator asked if we would take a black baby, but we said it was important to us to have one who was bi-racial.
  
  Almost nine months (coincidence?) to the date we filed the paperwork, we got a call to go to Cincinnati with our coordinator, met our new seven-week-old son (and his birth mother and birth grandmother), and took him home that night.
  
  When he was almost two, we applied thru Lutheran to adopt again, same specs, and our second son arrived exactly 4.5 months later - three weeks old.
  
  From day one we've raised them to appreciate their combined heritage (not too many bi-racial kids with Polish names at their school), and have had several talks with them about how other people will perceive them, and that they were to never be ashamed of what they are. We made sure they interacted regularly with their relatives on both mine and my wife's sides of the family.
  
  For some strange reason, I had to defer to my wife when it came to managing their hair while growing up. They both went thru the huge-afro stage (they could put Colin Kaepernick to shame). The older one had a modified jheri curl in high school, and the other one wore his hair in cornrows in middle school, neither of which I could offer much sage advice about.
  
  They're 22 and 20 now (the hairstyles are shorter and more precise these days), making their mark in early adulthood, and they're more handsome and confident than their old man was at that age.
• O-Trap

  

  Belly35;1831696 wrote:Only three dogs and down play ghetto home
  
  like any parent all you can do is love them ...After that ... You're on your own

  Four dogs.
  

  Zunardo;1831698 wrote:O-Trap, I wish you the best in this. It's important to have clear goals in mind, follow your heart, and be prepared to wait for however long it takes. If the baby will be of different race/ethnicity than both you and your wife, it will be very important to ensure your child understands the different heritages involved as they grow up.
  
  My wife and I had a similar situation - after five years of trying, we decided to adopt. We wanted an infant no older than two months old. Since I'm white and my wife is black, we wanted a bi-racial black-white child so that they reflected what our biological children might look like.
  
  We tried Franklin County, but were informed we stood little chance of getting a healthy infant - they were focused on trying to place kids from five years old to seventeen, plus kids with special needs. They recommended we try a local social services agency.
  
  We went with Lutheran Social Services' black adoption program, headed up by a wonderful lady. It still took a while. At one point, after waiting seven months, the coordinator asked if we would take a black baby, but we said it was important to us to have one who was bi-racial.
  
  Almost nine months (coincidence?) to the date we filed the paperwork, we got a call to go to Cincinnati with our coordinator, met our new seven-week-old son (and his birth mother and birth grandmother), and took him home that night.
  
  When he was almost two, we applied thru Lutheran to adopt again, same specs, and our second son arrived exactly 4.5 months later - three weeks old.
  
  From day one we've raised them to appreciate their combined heritage (not too many bi-racial kids with Polish names at their school), and have had several talks with them about how other people will perceive them, and that they were to never be ashamed of what they are. We made sure they interacted regularly with their relatives on both mine and my wife's sides of the family.
  
  For some strange reason, I had to defer to my wife when it came to managing their hair while growing up. They both went thru the huge-afro stage (they could put Colin Kaepernick to shame). The older one had a modified jheri curl in high school, and the other one wore his hair in cornrows in middle school, neither of which I could offer much sage advice about.
  
  They're 22 and 20 now (the hairstyles are shorter and more precise these days), making their mark in early adulthood, and they're more handsome and confident than their old man was at that age.

  We aren't requesting anything having to do with race, but the agency told us that the odds are against the baby having the same ethnic background as we do if you're not specifically requesting it.
  
  We're really hoping to do what you've said and make sure they understand their heritage. Thank you for the advice and example.
• like_that

  

  Reps for doing it.
• Zunardo

  O-Trap;1831837 wrote:
  
  
  We aren't requesting anything having to do with race, but the agency told us that the odds are against the baby having the same ethnic background as we do if you're not specifically requesting it.
  

  If you are blessed with a new son, be prepared for at least one person to say, "Oh, he looks just like O-Trap!".
  
  The first time someone said to us, "Oh, he looks just like Zunardo", my wife glared at me and said, "He better not!"
  
  Best of luck!
• O-Trap

  

  Zunardo;1831867 wrote:If you are blessed with a new son, be prepared for at least one person to say, "Oh, he looks just like O-Trap!".
  
  The first time someone said to us, "Oh, he looks just like Zunardo", my wife glared at me and said, "He better not!"
  
  Best of luck!

  Hahaha!
  
  Were they serious, or was it a joke? I don't doubt it'll happen.
  
  Also, sounds like your wife and my wife would get along. She would respond that way.
• QuakerOats

  Good luck .......hope it all goes well.
• GoChiefs

  

  Zunardo;1831867 wrote:If you are blessed with a new son, be prepared for at least one person to say, "Oh, he looks just like O-Trap!".
  
  The first time someone said to us, "Oh, he looks just like Zunardo", my wife glared at me and said, "He better not!"
  
  Best of luck!

  Ha. I get that all the time. I met my wife when my son was 6 months old. We're told all the time how he looks just like me.