Archive

the Dayton Royal BBQ: 2013 edition

  • Dr. Heinz Fraudster
    Every year my family gets together for a weekend of good food, good music, and good times.
    It's a diverse crowd consisting of Jews, Gypsies, Creoles, Jamaicans and various other suspects..
    This year the event was hosted at my house in Dayton.
    In addition to my uncle in law Polykarp, two more royal visitors also came to stay:
    Julie Delpy and her son Leo.

    Friday I had to do some work so I gave friends some recommendations on what to do while in Dayton.
    I told my chauffeur Clarence to take them wherever they wanted to go after dropping me off at my office.
    We met up again in the afternoon and decided to go out for dinner with my family.
    My children are great fans of sushi so we decided to go to Akashi's down on Harshmans.
    The owner is respective of my kosher needs there and always gives me excellent service, the food is also delicious.
    Filled to the brim Esmi and the kids went back home while me and my royal guests decided to go shoot some pool over at Belmont Billiards.


    On Saturday I took my guests to visit my brother Wolfgang was badly hurt in a train crash some years ago paralyzing him from the waist down and losing his left arm. My martial arts master Ching Pong Liu passed away in the same accident.
    Having a strong positive attitude Wolfgang has made the best of the situation and is now a table tennis coach for the US Paralympics team. He is also a master calligrapher.
    Having been introduced to the art of meditation by my late Master I believe helped him overcome many difficulties as well as finding enjoyment inside of himself instead of through external stimuli.

    Having shared a few stories about Master Liu, Wolfgang and myself decided to take my friends to a mausoleum we had erected in his memory at the local grave yard.
    We went there and paid our respect before heading over to Crowne Plaza Hotel to meet up with several family members.
    My guests had heard that our distant cousin Rickshaw would be there and I think he had looked forward to meeting up with him being a fan of his music.
    Rickshaw is our nickname for Bushwick Bill by the way.
    I don't get along with Rickshaw that well so I tend to avoid him when we have our get togethers.
    When he drinks and does drugs he loses control and since I am a teetotaller I am not the best company for people like that… and as you will learn from later in the story I have a reason to be sceptical of him.
    My friend hit it off with him and decided the spend the afternoon with him and come later in the evening when the BBQ would start. Neither I nor Wolfgang minded that.

    The BBQ was a joyful event with delicious food and amazing accordion music.
    I think Petey's highlight must have been when Polykarp played the accordion and Rickshaw was rappin' "Damn it feels good to be a Gangsta" while I was beatboxing. He glowed like a little kid after that.
    Rickshaw also did a spoken word version of "Ever so clear" that made many shed a tear.
    At around 11 PM the party started to slow down and the kids were put to bed.

    I had our taxi driver takes us to a rollerskating rink outside the city, its an all night affair and known for its interesting clientel and choice of music. I know the owner Dallas so thought it a good idea.

    Did it turn out to be a good idea?
    I don't think I need to answer that question but let the story speak for itself.

    Julie ended up in the midst of some biker-gang known to be trouble makers.
    I went inside to fetch her and the bikers did not seem to appreciate me asking her to leave with me and started puffing their chests out like cocks while slinging obscenities and insults in my face.

    Its nothing new to me so I have no problem keeping my composure.

    I got Julie on her feet and started walking to the door. The bikers started throwing coins at me making clown jokes… When Julie had been placed in the car with the others I handed them my jacket and went back inside to the bikers for some fun of my own. I singled out the leader of the pack and challenged him to a fight one on one.
    Stupidly he accepted… ignorant of my extensive martial arts skills.
    When a grown man, full of tattoos, 6 foot 3 tall, 270 pounds is humiliated and crying in front of his crew its the death of him. Especially when it is done by someone 120 pounds and barely 4 foot tall.
    But it was well deserved and probably would teach him a lesson for the future.

    Rickshaw was beginning to be a nuisance from all the alcohol and drugs.
    Him and his friend Petey kept bugging me about getting high with them. Petey kept it at a humorous level but as always Rickshaw doesn't know when to stop and started belittling my principles and faith…
    So I hit him with a finger stab to a pressure point which made him pass out for a while.
    This made the taxi ride back to Dayton a rather pleasant and peaceful affair.
    When he woke up he was determined to find some prostitutes and have more fun.
    Julie had fallen asleep so I decided it best to take her home as Polykarp and Petey wanted to join Rickshaw for a midnight adventure.
    I called one of my old friends named Kip and had him meet them and look out for them.
    Since Kip is a street cat with all sorts of contacts I felt they would be in the "best" of hands with him.
    I left them and drove back to the house with Julie and got her to bed.
    Such was the end of my night but not Petey's and I am sure he can elaborate on what went down after I left him.

    Sunday I woke up early to do my prayers and meditation rituals.
    Julie was in a bad shape from the night before so I gave her some herbal medicine and a ear massage that improved her condition.
    We took a long sauna session with dips in ice cold water. This also cleared her body of toxins from the evening before. As one of the reasons she had come was to discuss our project she could use a clear and functioning mind.
    Petey and Polykarp were nowhere to be found but I have long stopped worrying about other people so their absence did not bother me much.
    Esmi joined us to discuss the project since it is a movie script of our unique love story.
    The girls (Elvira, Eitana and Elena) went over to Wolfgang's house and Emanuel showed Leo his toys and also how to play the piano.
    We had a lovely afternoon together and a fruitful conversation about the movie script.
    Julie invited me to L.A to meet up with her agent and some producers.
    Perhaps I will go there in the fall when my business obligations in Dayton allows for it.
    It would be nice to meet Sccit from the forum if I do.

    Petey showed up around 7 PM with Polykarp and Kip.
    Polykarp had a black eye and was missing one of his gold front teeth.
    Kip just shook his head and said it had been a wild night before he left.
    I have later learned what happened, which comes as no surprise when it involves Rickshaw wanting to find prostitutes.
    Since this story is already quite long I will leave it to Petey to tell what happened.

    Me and Julie cooked a simple french/spanish dinner for us.
    She had brought lots of french cheese so we served most of them as they are except the chèvre that I grilled and served with honey on top.
    I made a strawberry/tomato gazpacho, grilled artichokes, lightly steamed asparagus and other small finger food dishes.
    Julie cooked really delicious potato and onion "omelets" for the kids which they loved.
    Tapas/finger foods is one of my favorites just from the social aspect of eating together.
    A bunch of food is served and we all sit together on the floor (my dining room is japanese with tatami mats on the floor) in a circle. You take what you want from a bowl/plate and you pass it along.

    When we had finished eating me and Petey went outside to the garden.
    We had a nice talk together and he shared stories from growing up and of his family.
    Also of his dreams of producing records for rappers. He had brought a cd with his beats for me but I haven't had a chance to listen to it yet. I promised him I would put him in touch with those I know in the business which are a few respectable people.
    I even think he wants to collaborate with Polykarp and have him play the accordion on some of his tracks.

    Emanuel held a short concert for us at the end of the evening and for me it was a joy to listen to.
    He is a special child and plays almost as good as an adult.
    And fortunately he shares my love for classical music.
    Leo made a very nice drawing of me and Petey, when I get around to it I will post it up here.

    With the kids sleeping the night was spent in relaxed conversation before we all went to bed.

    I later took Julie and Leo to the airport so that they would catch their 10.30 flight to Newark and connecting flight from there to L.A.
    Emanuel cried when Leo had to leave and gave him his beloved ocarina as a present so Leo could play it when he thought of him.
    He said that they were now brothers. I think we all were touched by his kind gesture.

    And such ends my story of the weekend.
    It is in its place to thank my guests yet again for taking the time to drive all the way up here and spending the weekend with us.

    With kind regards,
    Heinz Ephraim Kesser
  • 1_beast
    tl;dr
  • said_aouita
    pics or gtfo
  • vball10set
    wtf :confused:
  • cat_lover
    1th.
  • ohiobucks1
    Da Fuq is this?
  • Dr. Heinz Fraudster
    said_aouita;1462226 wrote:pics or gtfo
    I will post some pictures when I get the chance.


    General Kesser,
    One Man Army
  • cat_lover
    threeve.
  • hasbeen
    :thumbdown:
  • Dr. Heinz Fraudster
    hasbeen;1462363 wrote::thumbdown:
    Is there an issue, partner?



    I will make sure you are on the guest list for next years festivities.
  • hasbeen
    Dr. Heinz Kesler;1462368 wrote:Is there an issue, partner?



    I will make sure you are on the guest list for next years festivities.
    Issue will be fixed next year! :thumbup:
  • Rotinaj
    hasbeen;1462374 wrote:Issue will be fixed Wednesday! :thumbup:
    Fify.
  • Gardens35
    Want more.
  • GOONx19
    Adderall.
  • bases_loaded
    Without reading, assume this thread should be merged with the Dayton wing walker thread...
  • Curly J
    The best way I've found is reheating it in a skillet on a stove, but I will eat it cold.
  • vdubb96
    I once saw Nick Mangolds sister bench press a motorcycle
  • said_aouita
    vdubb96;1462478 wrote:I once saw Nick Mangolds sister bench press a motorcycle
    Did she have a similar facial expression as this?
  • vdubb96
    Exactly!!!!!!
  • Dr. Heinz Fraudster
    ccrunner609;1462449 wrote:did.not.read.
    why not, my love?
  • vdubb96
    Dr. Heinz Kesler;1463105 wrote:why not, my love?
    He can't!!!
  • Dr. Heinz Fraudster
    vdubb96;1463154 wrote:He can't!!!
    He can't read? I feel bad.
  • Dr. Heinz Fraudster
    hasbeen;1462374 wrote:Issue will be fixed next year! :thumbup:

    Are there any other forum goers who wish to participate in next years festivities?
  • Dr. Heinz Fraudster
    Dr. Heinz Kesler;1465455 wrote:Are there any other forum goers who wish to participate in next years festivities?
    This offer is being extended.
  • Ironman92
    I barbecued some thin bone in pork chops tonight....yummy