Archive

Post some of your own personal funny text message exchanges!

  • Nate
    Definite LOL on the blumpkin. You should have had her give him something really weird besides an actual blumpkin.
  • O-Trap
    Another with the same cousin as before, while he was spending the night at my first apartment:

    (614): hey u wake
    (330): Yeah. Why?
    (614): my head hruts
    (330): You drunk?
    (614): don think so
    (330): What are you doing?
    (614): takn a pias
    (330): No you're not. I can see the bathroom from here.
    (614): uhoh
    (330): WTF???
    (614): im stll drunk i thnik
  • Fab1b
    classic again!
  • O-Trap
    Keebler wrote: Definite LOL on the blumpkin. You should have had her give him something really weird besides an actual blumpkin.
    I was too flabbergasted to even respond.
  • hasbeen
    Me: Hey man, I think I'm gonna get with Girl when I get back!
    Friend: Are you really?
    Me:Yeah, this is going to be my first sloppy seconds from our group of friends.
    Girl: Oh so I'm sloppying seconds?
    Me: Fuck, I sent this "^^" to her!
    Friend: You're fucking kidding me.
    Me: Yeah, I'm finally going to eat this left out meat that my roomies leave out every week.
    Girl: What?
    Me: My roomie works at a meat market so we have all this meat, but they are dumb and leave the seconds out overnight and for days and I usually never eat it, but we have nothing else.

    She bought. NO idea how.
  • Fab1b
    good stuff^ girls will buy anything LOL
  • stationrun
    Had to look up what a blumpkin is, now wishing I hadn't!
  • Fab1b
    ^really?
  • O-Trap
    stationrun wrote: Had to look up what a blumpkin is, now wishing I hadn't!
    LOL!
  • O-Trap
    I have a bunch of these saved to a HD. I'm trying to find more of them.
  • hasbeen
    this isn't sexual but happened today

    Friend: There's this shiny yellow circle on my weather widget. What is that?
    Me: I've heard about that. It's a Greek god called "Sun" it stands for beer baseball and boobs
  • O-Trap
    Here's a good one:

    (Coworker): dude, she wants your nuts
    (Me): So does my fiance. I'd like to keep it that way.
    (Coworker): well maybe ill hit it then
    (Me): Not likely, dude.
    (Coworker): why the fuck not
    (Me): Mostly because she just started making out with that guy over there.
    (Coworker): fuck you
  • hasbeen
    O-Trap wrote: Here's a good one:

    (Coworker): dude, she wants your nuts
    (Me): So does my fiance. I'd like to keep it that way.
    (Coworker): well maybe ill hit it then
    (Me): Not likely, dude.
    (Coworker): why the fuck not
    (Me): Mostly because she just started making out with that guy over there.
    (Coworker): fuck you
    hahaha!
  • Fab1b
    I knew some of you people had to have some great funnies, keep them coming its gonna be a boring night at the office tonight and 11pm is far off!
  • O-Trap
    A business partner and I:

    (BP): fml
    (Me): What does that mean?
    (BP): fuck my life
    (Me): Oh, I thought it meant "fuck my lady."
    (Me): I was gonna respond with "iad."
    (BP): whats that mean?
    (BP): nvm you prick
  • Nate
    LOL @ iad
  • O-Trap
    (Me): Hey.
    (Wife): hi
    (Me): Wanna try the piledriver tonight?
    (My mom): What's that?
    (Me): Oh, my bad mom. Megan and I are doing yoga three times a week, and that's a position we haven't tried yet.
    (My mom): [o-trap], you don't have to lie. A simple 'oops' will tell me all I need to know.
    (Me): Sorry, mom.
    (My mom): It's okay.
    (My mom): Also, be careful. That position can be dangerous.
    (Me): MOM! STOP!
  • Fab1b
    O-trap keep em coming fantastic stuff
  • Nate
    LOL
  • O-Trap
    I had a really good sales day one day where I made over $500 in commissions.

    (Me): Ever slept with someone on pace to make over six figures in a year?
    (Wife): yes [her ex] made that much the last year we were together
    (Me): Wow. First time I've ever had a text message kick me in the nuts.
  • Fab1b
    ha ha
  • O-Trap
    (614): i just asked god for a drunk slut to go ome with me
    (330): Umm ... okay?
    (614): does that mean im going to hell
    (330): I don't think so.
    (614): rly?
    (330): All things considered, you were already sprinting there before tonight.
    (614): dam u
  • O-Trap
    (Danny): dudeshe looks hot tonite
    (Me): Careful. You broke up with her for a reason.
    (Danny): ya but maybe she might want a hit for oldtime sake
    (Me): *to Danny's ex* Hey, Danny wants a booty call tonight.
    (Danny): *to me* eat shit and die cockblock
  • Fab1b
    Killing me bro!
  • O-Trap
    As you can tell, most of these are with my cousin. Dude is sad and hilarious at the same time.

    (Me): So, how's the trip to NYC?
    (Danny): crzy
    (Me): Are you bar-hopping?
    (Danny): nno we didt hat erler
    (Me): I can tell.
    (Danny): dud ewich sid of a boat is prot side
    (Me): Did you just ask which side of a BOAT is port side?
    (Danny): yap
    (Me): Where the hell are you?
    (Danny): i thnk wer in candaa waters
    (Me): Canada???
    (Danny): thiik so
    (Me): Do you have a passport?
    (Danny): no dont wory im not suposd be on th rboat
    (Me): I'm not posting your bail. Save this text so that you remember why I'm not there in the morning.