I Have Had A Really Emotionally Intense Day.

• Upper90

  And, I'm pretty much fine, I mean, it's not like I'm about to have a breakdown/meltdown, I just really, really had to get that out there.
  
  I'm doing this weird emotional exploration thing through music every monday (for 3 weeks) as a writing project, and a collaborative thing with someone who I'm working on music stuff with. It's really stupid at the core, so I won't explain my full reasoning behind it...but it's been a difficult day in the sense that I've gone to some really intense places through conversations I've had with people. I'm only used to a certain level of vulnerability, and when people breeze past that point, and take me with them, I struggle.
  
  I think anyone who has read my writing (and, for those on FB that asked to read "Natalie Portman", I haven't forgotten, this monday stuff has just taken up a lot of time.), I try to approach a level of emotional honesty, and a lot of it is real, but I'm quickly finding that I was just scratching the surface on where I SHOULD be, and that's terrifying in some ways.
  
  Either way, I'm compiling notes, and writing up the first part of the chronicles from today (which should be a real window, a creepy window...last week I did something similar and it was probably a bit uncomfortable to read for some people), and it just struck me how intense today was, and I really didn't feel compelled to call and wake anyone up, so freehuddle.com was my sounding board.
• Upper90

  Oh, and I'm TOTALLY fine with any jokes regarding my questionable sexuality, or any "cool story bro" stuff, or anything else. I truly enjoy humor, especially at my expense. Again, let me state that I'm fine, just a little spent from an emotional standpoint, and I had to kind of vent, outside of all of the other words I've written today.
  
  I know that the part about me enjoying humor at my expense sounded sarcastic, but that's 100%. Trust me.
• DeyDurkie5

  

  <a href="http://www.funnyforumpics.com"><img border="0" src="http://www.funnyforumpics.com/forums/ORLY/1/580525645_b0c4a64df3.jpg"></a>
  
  had to get it out of the way early buddy haha
• GOONx19

  

  Looking forward to reading this one. Last week's great.
• Benito

  So where do we read these if you don't mind me asking. I'm actually really interested, I've been messing around with similar stuff writing songs, but not nearly as intense by the sounds of it.
• Upper90

  I'm writing it on a friend's blog for now, until I finish all of the weeks, and I plan to submit them for inclusion into a local (free) newspaper, that will publish nearly anything, haha. I can link anyone on here that's interested to the blog site when I finish writing them.
  
  And, trust me when I say, I genuinely feel like nothing is more intense than good, honest songwriting. Like, I've gone away from it, but that's where I got my start in writing. I think a lot of people start with poetry, but I kind of skipped right over that due to my love of music. Songwriting is how you explore your writing style to it's fullest, in my biased opinion.
• ernest_t_bass

  

  Upper, it is comforting to know that there is someone else out there that goes through this crap. I have been struggling a lot lately as well, battling some personal demons, and trying to put meaning to everything. I think you've seen my Christian (Believers) thread. Reading your thoughts helps me a ton, and puts an entirely new perspective on things. Thanks for sharing, and I'll say a prayer for you (like it or not)... to my God
  
  Again, thanks for sharing.
• ernest_t_bass

  

  Also, I'd like any links to read your writing. Blog, facebook, whatever.
• tiger1990

  If I had your ability to put thoughts into words I'd be a free man. It's a gift, not a burden...let it flow brutha.
• O-Trap

  

  ernest, I'm not gonna lie. I lulz'd when I imagined those words coming out of the guy in your avatar.
• ernest_t_bass

  

  OK, O-Trap. I lol'ed too.
• se-alum

  

  I've had an emotionally stressful last 3 weeks. It's always good to know that your not alone when you're going through stuff like this.
• Gblock

  maybe because yesterday was the most depressing day of the year according to a british scientist. the monday of the last week of january is officially most depressing day of the year.
  
  but you are not alone i myself had an emotional weekend. i have a girl "friend" who i have been very close with for two years. last year we "did it" and every once in awhile we mess around. well she made it clear the whole time she doesnt want a boyfriend cause she doesnt trust guys so i just kept things as casual fun. well at the end of summer i slept with one of her friends thinking she really wouldnt care. boy was i wrong i.... compounded that mistake by lying about it to her face after the friend had already fessed up..... well since then all helll has broken looose. she didnt speak to me for several months. she finally forgave me and we have moved on i thought since she gave it up once since then.....
  
  well last week we were hanging out and i made a small joke about it which led to probably one of the most emotional conversations i ve ever had with a girl. so i got her some flowers , shoveled her driveway etc. and things were all good until this weekend when we all ended up in the same place and it was tears everywhere by both girls.....and me just trying to get everyone to be friends. needless to say it was a very emotional. i really care about this girl and feel terrible that i hurt her but i wish she would let it go because i am sorry and it kills me every time she cries and this girl can cry! it was painful to go thru because im not much of a talker....my family isnt one of those families that talks about feelings or says i love you all like that. although as my parents are getting older i do hear it more now, but gosh talking about feelings is like getting my teeth pulled! sheesh
• Fab4Runner

  

  That's quite the story. Emotions are for the birds.
• mexappeal12

  

  Fab4Runner wrote: That's quite the story. Emotions are for the birds.

  lol wow fab... dude poors his heart out lol... not surprised I have for real seen Fab4 cry 1 time... she is not the normal girl
  
  And Upper I think it's good to vent... i thought about making a thread like this earlier but figured it would get shot down. If you don't express your emotions in the way that is best for you they will build up and come out in the worst ways
• Fab4Runner

  

  I was talking about gblock, lol. It really was quite the story.
• mexappeal12

  

  hahaha OH!
• Upper90

  hahahahaha, nice.
• Crew Love

  Upper90 wrote: And, I'm pretty much fine, I mean, it's not like I'm about to have a breakdown/meltdown, I just really, really had to get that out there.
  
  I'm doing this weird emotional exploration thing through music every monday (for 3 weeks) as a writing project, and a collaborative thing with someone who I'm working on music stuff with. It's really stupid at the core, so I won't explain my full reasoning behind it...but it's been a difficult day in the sense that I've gone to some really intense places through conversations I've had with people. I'm only used to a certain level of vulnerability, and when people breeze past that point, and take me with them, I struggle.
  
  I think anyone who has read my writing (and, for those on FB that asked to read "Natalie Portman", I haven't forgotten, this monday stuff has just taken up a lot of time.), I try to approach a level of emotional honesty, and a lot of it is real, but I'm quickly finding that I was just scratching the surface on where I SHOULD be, and that's terrifying in some ways.
  
  Either way, I'm compiling notes, and writing up the first part of the chronicles from today (which should be a real window, a creepy window...last week I did something similar and it was probably a bit uncomfortable to read for some people), and it just struck me how intense today was, and I really didn't feel compelled to call and wake anyone up, so freehuddle.com was my sounding board.

  Just wanted to say, Upper, that I always look forward to reading, and furthermore, always respect your posts. You come across as very well-spoken and intellectual in what you write; this is just another example.
• mtrulz

  I've had those days too.
• ernest_t_bass

  

  mtrulz wrote: I've had those days too.

  I was going to post something mean, but it would be too easy, and wouldn't stick to the good-naturedness of this thread.
  
  Sorry to hear that, mtrulz. We all have those days.
• mtrulz

  ^^Coming from the guy who created the "girlfriend" poster.
• ernest_t_bass

  

  I actually didn't, but your obsession with it is enough to make me laugh.
  
  Seriously, young child, you just don't get it.