Exes

• mexappeal12

  

  My total douchebag ex-bf has had a pretty tough year and sounded like he needed a friend. So, i told him he could call me if he needed someone to talk to. He calls me and tells me his troubles and that he is sorry for how he treated me and how i am a missed opportunity at happiness... yada yada yada. Mind you our 2 year relationship was more than tumultuous and he has never actually apologized until yesterday. SO ive been over him for a while and not to say it wasnt difficult but it was definitely nice to finally get the closure from him that I wanted so long ago. BUT now he has called me 6 times today and I'm not sure what to do... do i be a total jerk? I am not sure what to do about the situation because he is kind of in a fragile state.... I'm not sure anyone cares or if anyone will put up an "this thread sucks" image, but i thought this might bring about some good convo...
  
  Generally, what do you all think about being friends with Exes?
• wildcats20

  

  Awwww mexy
  
  But to your question....I hate it.
• nc52

  

  it would depend on how the relationship ended, whether i could be friends with an ex. i am friends with a couple of my exes but i wished my last ex would drop off the face of the earth.
• pmoney25

  

  Terrible idea in my opinion, any ex I had , the day we broke up ended all communication. Ive seen way too many friends get burned and it is a never ending cycle in my opinion.
• Angel

  Have never had the friend thing work out with my exes. Tried it with a couple of boyfriends, but, ehh...
  Once it's over, it's over.
  
  Unless it is necessary like finances, etc.... I avoid talking.
• Cleveland Buck

  

  Men aren't fragile, so either he is a pansy, or he wants to fuck, and if you keep talking to him, he knows you'll oblige.
• mexappeal12

  

  Let's just say it ended horribly... but i am a forgiving person and if anything i am mad at myself for staying with someone like that. But it seems like he is down and out and he has finally realized what a toolbag he became... so i am just trying to be nice
  
  Yeah i dont have problems with other exes.. but this particular one was the definition of a horrible person (granted it didnt start like that.. it didnt take a turn for the worse until we had been together for a year)
• mexappeal12

  

  He is in Dallas... so banging isnt even a possibility.. if he was still in Ohio I would definitely not even consider answering his phone call
• Stiffman

  

  You want me to "take him out" for you? It's just a 30 minute drive to Dallas.
• mexappeal12

  

  haha aww thanks for the offer, but it definitely wouldn't be worth it for you. Risking jail time for him is unnecessary
• Stiffman

  

  Ok......since that's the case. Next time he calls, let him know that while you are there for him, there is a limit to the amount of times he should call. Or, just let him know to call you at a certain time. You're gonna have to ween him early so that he can move on with his life in peace. Otherwise, you're going to end up being an a-hole in his eyes for dropping a "don't call me anymore" bomb on him in the very near future.
• mexappeal12

  

  haha yeah definitely a good way to go about it
• hasbeen

  

  I'm friends with HS ex. We are usually on good terms; she was recently mad at me because I was hanging with her dad(drinking beer and watching sports, I worked with the dude for half a year) and mentioned her new BF which apparently she didn't tell them. So she was real mad at me for that(I don't know why?). But whenever she needs help, or venting; especially about her parents, she usually gets in touch with me. [i'm 21 and she's 19]
  
  My most recent ex, is a crazy cunt.
  
  ohhh c word is edited!?!?!
• mexappeal12

  

  hahahahahahaha .... crazy 'giners are not my favorite
• sonofsam

  

  Mexy,
  
  While what your doing is "nice" its not exactly the right thing to do. People all over the world have bad days, bad years, and bad lives. Its not your responsibility to make him feel better. Remaining friends is fine as long as it is ok with you. You were a victim of his wrong doing and by letting him cry on your shoulder he will soon remember what he can and can't get away with when it comes to you. Your in a bad place that will only get worse. Does he have friends in Dallas? If not, maybe he needs to seek a professional for his issues. If its as bad as you say, he may need a professionals help.
  
  Its not fair to you to deal with his problems. You are not his girlfriend, you are not his mother, and you are not his best friend. Honestly the reason he called you is because he knows that if he apologizes, he can use you once again, hence the six phone calls. Before long he will be interfering with your life and he lives many miles away. People always revert back to their "safety nets" when in duress.
  
  My advice is this...
  
  Next time he calls, tell him that you are glad that after so long he could finally place closure on your relationship. Let him know that you are willing to be his friend, but no more that that. Recommend that if he has issues, that he need to talk to someone qualified to help him. By doing that, you did exactly what a friend should do... Nothing more. Also, tell him that your life cannot revolve around his problems by calling all day long. Only answer if it is not a pressing time for you. Keep the conversations quick and to the point, do not give him a chance to butter up the conversation. I bet that the phone calls will stop at that point and he will find other friends that he can bug all day.
• O-Trap

  

  I think you're doing something quite noble just by listening to him.
  
  My wife had an engagement that ended very badly. There were a LOT of problems in their relationship. Since then, she has told him that she is praying for him (and I see her actually do it all the time), and that if he really needs someone to talk to, she will listen.
  
  That is her attitude, and because I trust her, when she asked me if that made me uncomfortable, I said it didn't. I think it's good to be the steady, kind one after a breakup.
  
  Though I am not "close" to any of my exes by any means, I would say that we are still benevolent toward one another. I speak with them occasionally, and they with me. I pray for them, and they tell me they pray for me. I will never have any attraction to any of them again, but even though our romantic relationships were severed, we know each other to be good people, and people each of us enjoy speaking with.
  
  So, ultimately, I don't think there can be a "rule" that is accurate as far as exes go. I WILL say that even if he's far away, keep your guard up. Be a shoulder for his weepy ass to cry on if he's being a pink, puckery thing (I dunno if that 'p' word is acceptable on here). Don't get sucked into his life at all, though. Men act dumb sometimes, and all the sitcoms paint us as oblivious, primitive idiots who can't ever be subtle or manipulative, but many of us are quite the contrary.
  
  Nobody ever said that trust must come with kindness. Be kind. Don't trust.
• Glory Days

  

  
• sonofsam

  

  ^^^ Wow
• rookie_j70

  

  i hope my ex girlfriend chokes!!!
• ernest_t_bass

  

  Do his sister.
• darbypitcher22

  

  ^^^^
  
  This.
• mexappeal12

  

  Wow I really appreciate some of the advice put on here... I think you are right. It is really hard for me not to listen to people when they are in need. THat's just how I am... im an advice giver and forgiving to my own detriment.
  
  Ernest... he does have a hot brother that just graduated from Harvard and is MLS bound...hmmmm sounds like a good idea haha
• mtrulz girlfriend

  exes suck. If they licked .... They would't be exes!
• Al Capone

  Tell him if he dont quit calling you will tell your friend Al Capone.
• gorocks99