Freehuddle Ladies: I Need Your Perspective

• FranTali

  So I have this female friend that I've been good friends w/ for the last 3 years or so. I've really helped her out alot over the last year or so, after her d-bag ex kicked her out of his house when she was 3 months pregnant. I tried to do everything I could for her, cause I felt bad for her situation. Well, a couple weekends ago I was out drinkin' w/ my buddies when I got a text message that she was getting involved w/ another d-bag. I was 3 sheets to the wind at this point, so I sent her a message asking about it, and apparently I wasn't too nice about it, so she was pissed. I didn't say anything mean in the text, but it was pretty direct about what I thought of the situation. Granted, I didn't have enough information to be saying what I said, but I was so drunk I said it anyway! Turns out none of it was true. I apologized the next day, but it's been 2 1/2 weeks now, and she still won't talk to me.
  
  Here's my question, Is something like that enough to end a 3yr friendship in which i've been nothing but good to her, sans this one screw up?? I tend to think there is some underlying factor to all this, but I'm not sure what it would be?
• gorocks99

  

  Here's my question, are you bangin her now or saving her for later? Cause if it's later, just remember, she'll have pushed a baby out and there may not be tread left on those tires.
  
  No, seriously, I'm a dude, and she isn't worth your time if she can't handle the occasional drunken slip. You apologized and have done what you can do.
• UA5straightin2008

  

  wait for it
  
  
  
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  wait for it
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Upper90

  Drexting (drunk texting) is really the downfall of a lot.
  
  But, I mean, (and I'm sorry, I'm not a lady, just a guy with a lot of female friends that don't date me, just offer me endless counsel.) I kind of feel like if this is the first time you did something completely incredibly opposite of kind to her, she's probably just a little shocked/might need some time to process it all.
  
  That said, I mean, I don't drink, but I've gotten some drunk voicemails that were pretty ridiculous. And if the person is sincere in their apology, I don't know what else can be done. If she's down to end the friendship over this, IMO, you're probably better off.
  
  But, again, I am no lady.
  
  But I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express with mad b****es last night.
• FranTali

  Here's my question, are you bangin her now or saving her for later? Cause if it's later, just remember, she'll have pushed a baby out and there may not be tread left on those tires.
  
  No, seriously, I'm a dude, and she isn't worth your time if she can't handle the occasional drunken slip. You apologized and have done what you can do.

  Def. not bangin' her, I don't do the FWB thing, cause inevitably one of the parties gets too involved.
• v_falcons

  sounds like she knows you disapprove. . and she probably knows she is doing something wrong as well, and cant really face it, or you..
• krambman

  

  FranTali wrote: I tend to think there is some underlying factor to all this, but I'm not sure what it would be?

  I think that one underlying factor is that you are clearly in love with her. Just saying.
• Upper90

  krambman wrote:

  FranTali wrote: I tend to think there is some underlying factor to all this, but I'm not sure what it would be?

  I think that one underlying factor is that you are clearly in love with her. Just saying.

  Nice point. Are you sure there's no feelings other than "just friends" going on here, bro?
• FranTali

  Upper90 wrote:

  krambman wrote:

  FranTali wrote: I tend to think there is some underlying factor to all this, but I'm not sure what it would be?

  I think that one underlying factor is that you are clearly in love with her. Just saying.

  Nice point. Are you sure there's no feelings other than "just friends" going on here, bro?

  I can't speak for her, but I can assure you on my end that's all it is. We're in two totally different places in our lives(I want kids, she isn't having anymore, which is my biggest turn-off when it comes to women), and I wouldn't even consider dating her! I do care for her though, and I just want her to find a guy that's going to treat her right, especially after all she's been through.
• Websurfinbird

  

  I'd need to know a little more about you and this woman before giving any real advice. But I will do the best I can.
  
  I agree with others on here that you need to evaluate your feelings for her. Is it really just friendship, or is it more? If it is more, and you want to pursue a relationship, are you ready for a kid in your life? I am engaged now, but if I were single, I'd give some serious thought before getting involved with a guy with a child(ren). Not that I have anything against kids, I just know that rightfully they are usually a part of the parent's life, and you need to take that bond seriously.
  
  As for her ditching you as a friend, again I would need more details. Without seeing what you said, I can't assess how hurtful it was. Unfortunately when things are in writing, they can come off differently than intended, and what you may have thought was harmless might have struck a nerve with her. She may be regretting her past choices in men and that message may have been a low blow to her ego.
  
  Without knowing her, it is clear she has some issues with men to work out and needs someone who can support her emotionally. I'd give her time and wait and see if she comes around.
• gorocks99

  

  Websurfinbird wrote: I'd need to know a little more about you and this woman before giving any real advice. But I will do the best I can.
  
  I agree with others on here that you need to evaluate your feelings for her. Is it really just friendship, or is it more? If it is more, and you want to pursue a relationship, are you ready for a kid in your life? I am engaged now, but if I were single, I'd give some serious thought before getting involved with a guy with a child(ren). Not that I have anything against kids, I just know that rightfully they are usually a part of the parent's life, and you need to take that bond seriously.
  
  As for her ditching you as a friend, again I would need more details. Without seeing what you said, I can't assess how hurtful it was. Unfortunately when things are in writing, they can come off differently than intended, and what you may have thought was harmless might have struck a nerve with her. She may be regretting her past choices in men and that message may have been a low blow to her ego.
  
  Without knowing her, it is clear she has some issues with men to work out and needs someone who can support her emotionally. I'd give her time and wait and see if she comes around.

  And if this fails, do her best friend.
• Heretic

  

  gorocks99 wrote:

  Websurfinbird wrote: I'd need to know a little more about you and this woman before giving any real advice. But I will do the best I can.
  
  I agree with others on here that you need to evaluate your feelings for her. Is it really just friendship, or is it more? If it is more, and you want to pursue a relationship, are you ready for a kid in your life? I am engaged now, but if I were single, I'd give some serious thought before getting involved with a guy with a child(ren). Not that I have anything against kids, I just know that rightfully they are usually a part of the parent's life, and you need to take that bond seriously.
  
  As for her ditching you as a friend, again I would need more details. Without seeing what you said, I can't assess how hurtful it was. Unfortunately when things are in writing, they can come off differently than intended, and what you may have thought was harmless might have struck a nerve with her. She may be regretting her past choices in men and that message may have been a low blow to her ego.
  
  Without knowing her, it is clear she has some issues with men to work out and needs someone who can support her emotionally. I'd give her time and wait and see if she comes around.

  And if this fails, do her best friend.

  After curbstomping her and/or performing an upper-decker.
• enigmaax

  Clearly you want her or every guy she's with wouldn't be a dbag to you. From your own words, you didn't even know what the hell you were talking about when you bashed the second dude which reinforces my first sentence.
  
  Aside from that, get over yourself. You did this and you did that for her because you felt sorry for her? Maybe you aren't as important as you think you are and that's why she doesn't care if she talks to you agaiin.
  
  And finally, you should cut out the bullshit about how friends with benefits never works and just do her for the sake of having pregnant sex (totally worth it). Then if she never talks to you again, at least she paid you back for all your kindness you heaped upon her, right?
• darbypitcher22

  

  I wouldn't worry about it too much. If she truly values your friendship, she'll come around.
  
  If not, well, you got used for a while and she could give a shit less about you. Such is life sometimes.
• Angel

  Did you learn a lesson? Yep, never help others and don't trust anyone!
  
  Just kidding.
• FranTali

  Angel wrote: Did you learn a lesson? Yep, never help others and don't trust anyone!
  
  Just kidding.

  I'm thinkin' that's the best way to do things!! I should be a complete ass so no one has any expectations of me.
• mtrulz girlfriend

  Will she make you a sammich?... If not ditch her!
• vball10set

  ^^your act is getting old,and very annoying--now please-go away!!!
• BCSbunk

  FranTali wrote: So I have this female friend that I've been good friends w/ for the last 3 years or so. I've really helped her out alot over the last year or so, after her d-bag ex kicked her out of his house when she was 3 months pregnant. I tried to do everything I could for her, cause I felt bad for her situation. Well, a couple weekends ago I was out drinkin' w/ my buddies when I got a text message that she was getting involved w/ another d-bag. I was 3 sheets to the wind at this point, so I sent her a message asking about it, and apparently I wasn't too nice about it, so she was pissed. I didn't say anything mean in the text, but it was pretty direct about what I thought of the situation. Granted, I didn't have enough information to be saying what I said, but I was so drunk I said it anyway! Turns out none of it was true. I apologized the next day, but it's been 2 1/2 weeks now, and she still won't talk to me.
  
  Here's my question, Is something like that enough to end a 3yr friendship in which i've been nothing but good to her, sans this one screw up?? I tend to think there is some underlying factor to all this, but I'm not sure what it would be?

  You don't need this type of drama in your life let her go do her thing. If she gets over it she does and if not........ You apologized it is up to her now.
• sleeper

  

  gorocks99 wrote: Here's my question, are you bangin her now or saving her for later? Cause if it's later, just remember, she'll have pushed a baby out and there may not be tread left on those tires.

  I lol'd
  

  Clearly you want her or every guy she's with wouldn't be a dbag to you. From your own words, you didn't even know what the hell you were talking about when you bashed the second dude which reinforces my first sentence.

  Exactly! It's okay if you want her, don't have to lie to your freehuddle buddies.
  
  But to answer your initial question, women are irrational. Is she really worth all the drama/trouble? If you really don't have any feelings for her, her value is steadily decreasing, especially if she's going to be a bitch about a random drunk text session.
• Con_Alma

  disclosure....I'm not a female
  
  You gave her unsolicited advise regarding her decision on a new relationship that wasn't approving?? She apparently didn't find that too palatable. Why would you end your friendship because she doesn't want you giving her relationship advice?
• CenterBHSFan

  

  If she isn't "over it" by now, you need to think about how much hassle of having this relationship with her is worth it to you.
  
  Silent treatments are only worthy for about 15 minutes. After that, it's just manipulation and punishment, and any woman worth her salt (or out of college) wouldn't use that ploy.
  
  Yeah, you probably said something stupid and unworthy of yourself, but that stuff happens in friendships from time to time.
  
  Tell her to have fun doing whatever she wants to do. Then take your own advice.
• mtrulz

  vball10set wrote: ^^your act is getting old,and very annoying--now please-go away!!!

  She gettin on your nerves?
• Cat Food Flambe'

  

  Unsaid: Why is guy #2 considered a D-bag? Qualification?
• j_crazy

  

  I'm not sure of the legitimacy of the OP. the name is suspicious (a mash up of Frantz and Natali) and his posts (from November) seem suspicious.
  
  Shenanigans.