Little Johnny

• Speedofsand

  

  Today at school, the children had their Christmas Party. The students have turned in all their work and there is
  really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
  
  Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."
  
  Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."
  
  Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
  
  Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
  
  Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
  
  Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
  
  Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
  
  Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
  
  Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
  
  Johnny is even madder than before.
  
  Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
  
  Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
  
  Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."
  
  Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
  When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"
  
  
  The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
  
  
  Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"
  __________________
• september63

  

  This was already posted several days ago. Nice try!!
• Speedofsand

  

  ok
  this one ?
  I opened a fortune cookie last night and it said:
  He who drives well in the fairway, does not fair well in the driveway.
• Heretic

  

  No, I don't remember seeing that one be used recently, so you're A-OK!
• Chesapeake

  

  Guy walks into a store looking for the game 'Grand Theft Auto', the sales assistant hasn't heard of it before and asks for a description.
  
  He says it was about a dark man with an Iron bar who goes around crashing cars, screwing whores and eluding the police.
  
  The assistant nods her head knowingly and hands over Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2010.
• Al Capone

  5yr old girl is walking around the house one morning and runs into her mother who just got out of the shower.
  girl: mommy, what is that?
  mom: thats my pubic hair.
  girl: when will I get mine?
  mom:soon enough honey, soon enough.
  girl: mommy, what are them?
  mom: those are my titties.
  girl: when will I get mine?
  mom: soon enough honey,soon enough.
  So the little goes downstairs and runs into her dad who just got out of the shower.
  girl: daddy, what is that?
  dad: that is my penis.
  girl: when will I get mine?
  dad: soon as your mom goes to work.
• pmoney25

  

  Al Capone wrote: 5yr old girl is walking around the house one morning and runs into her mother who just got out of the shower.
  girl: mommy, what is that?
  mom: thats my pubic hair.
  girl: when will I get mine?
  mom:soon enough honey, soon enough.
  girl: mommy, what are them?
  mom: those are my titties.
  girl: when will I get mine?
  mom: soon enough honey,soon enough.
  So the little goes downstairs and runs into her dad who just got out of the shower.
  girl: daddy, what is that?
  dad: that is my penis.
  girl: when will I get mine?
  dad: soon as your mom goes to work.

  haha sick but funny nonetheless