Archive

Man Jokes

  • ernest_t_bass
    Some of you will think these are funny. And some of you will say the likely, "nice fail, STFU ETB, GFY ETB, etc." Regardless:

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    How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
    Marry It!

    What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
    A battery has a positive side.

    Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
    Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there...

    How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
    Put a nipple on it.

    Why do women fake orgasms ?
    Because they think men care.

    What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
    Nothing, she's been told twice already.

    If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
    Made her chain too long

    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

    Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

    Why do men pass gas more than women?
    Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
    The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

    Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
    It's called a Wedding Cake.

    Why do men die before their wives?
    They want to.
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  • Commander of Awesome
    these weren't half bad.
  • Scarlet_Buckeye
    I thought the title read Mike Jones for a second and I got excited.... Who?!

    Just read thru 'em all. Not bad. I had heard some of them before, but I thought they were pretty good.
  • martyirish
    why do women wear white on their wedding day?
    because the dish washer should always match the rest of the appliances;)
  • 4cards
    ...One day, God went to find Adam and Eve in the garden, but found that Adam was sitting by himself.
    "Where's Eve?" He asked.
    "Well," said Adam, "She started to bleed. This happens every month or so."
    "So where is she?"     asked God.
    "Well, she went down to the river to wash up." replied Adam.
    "Damn," said God. "Now I'll never get the smell out of the fish."
  • FatHobbit
    4cards;1039685 wrote:...One day, God went to find Adam and Eve in the garden, but found that Adam was sitting by himself.
    "Where's Eve?" He asked.
    "Well," said Adam, "She started to bleed. This happens every month or so."
    "So where is she?"     asked God.
    "Well, she went down to the river to wash up." replied Adam.
    "Damn," said God. "Now I'll never get the smell out of the fish."
    LOFL
  • ernest_t_bass
    FatHobbit;1039696 wrote:LOFL
    Laughing on the floor laughing? or
    Laugh our f'ing loud?
  • power i
    I laughed. :(
  • Raw Dawgin' it
    FatHobbit;1039696 wrote:LOFL
    wasn't that funny...
  • FatHobbit
    ernest_t_bass;1039700 wrote:Laughing on the floor laughing? or
    Laugh our f'ing loud?
    laughing out f'ing loud
  • FatHobbit
    Raw Dawgin' it;1039717 wrote:wasn't that funny...
    That's like your opinion man.
  • Iliketurtles
    4cards;1039685 wrote:...One day, God went to find Adam and Eve in the garden, but found that Adam was sitting by himself.
    "Where's Eve?" He asked.
    "Well," said Adam, "She started to bleed. This happens every month or so."
    "So where is she?"     asked God.
    "Well, she went down to the river to wash up." replied Adam.
    "Damn," said God. "Now I'll never get the smell out of the fish."
    God is suppose to be all knowning... why should he have to ask were Eve is?
  • FatHobbit
    Iliketurtles;1039947 wrote:God is suppose to be all knowning... why should he have to ask were Eve is?
    He was just testing Adam to see if he was keeping that bitch in line.
  • power i
    My husband bought me a mood ring for Christmas. When I'm in a good mood, it turns orange. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his head.
  • Devils Advocate
    power i;1040040 wrote:My husband bought me a mood ring for Christmas. When I'm in a good mood, it turns orange. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his head.
    Just slam your purse shut and get his ball too!