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Funny Twitter/Facebook posts

  • Iliketurtles
    SportsAndLady;941451 wrote:God I hope that's actually thavoice's wife...I have so many questions
    Doubtful its actually her.
  • j_crazy
    my wife has this aunt who is a really big bitch. she's always posting feminist shit and stuff about vaccinations killing people. pretty much the most annoying facebooker ever.

    so last night she posted "remember men, when you think a woman's place is in the kitchen, that's where the knives are kept."
    my reply "no shit, how else you supposed to cut the sammiches in half?"

    i thought it was worth sharing.
  • karen lotz
    j_crazy;956343 wrote:my wife has this aunt who is a really big bitch. she's always posting feminist shit and stuff about vaccinations killing people. pretty much the most annoying facebooker ever.

    so last night she posted "remember men, when you think a woman's place is in the kitchen, that's where the knives are kept."
    my reply "no shit, how else you supposed to cut the sammiches in half?"

    i thought it was worth sharing.

    It wasn't. Sorry.
  • j_crazy
    karen lotz;956384 wrote:It wasn't. Sorry.
    noted.


    ***.
  • Speedofsand
    One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
    a Christmas gift...
    The next year, I didn't buy her a gift..
    When she asked me why, I replied,
    "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
    ________________________________

    My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
    we were in bed.
    I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
    'No,' she answered. I then said,
    'Is that your final answer?'
    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
    And that's when the fight started...
  • power i
    ^^That second one made me lol. :D
  • justincredible
    j_crazy;956343 wrote:my wife has this aunt who is a really big bitch. she's always posting feminist shit and stuff about vaccinations killing people. pretty much the most annoying facebooker ever.

    so last night she posted "remember men, when you think a woman's place is in the kitchen, that's where the knives are kept."
    my reply "no shit, how else you supposed to cut the sammiches in half?"

    i thought it was worth sharing.
    No man should use the word "sammiches."

    Hope this helps.
  • karen lotz
    http://twitter.com/#!/DadBoner


    Check that twitter account out, you guys.
  • dlazz
    karen lotz;965077 wrote:http://twitter.com/#!/DadBoner


    Check that twitter account out, you guys.
    No.
  • ernest_t_bass
    karen lotz;965077 wrote:http://twitter.com/#!/DadBoner


    Check that twitter account out, you guys.
    Who the hell is that?
  • karen lotz
    ernest_t_bass;965091 wrote:Who the hell is that?

    No idea who it is, just a parody account. Funny as hell though.
  • karen lotz
    DadBoner Karl Welzein
    Was drinkin cold ones out of my "adult treat bag." Took a whizz next to a house & my son yelled, "Daddy's makin pee pee!" Kinda hate him.

    My son wouldn't stop yelling "pee pee!" so I pre-stuffed my plumbing back in my pants and tried to pinch it. Disaster. Real soaker.
  • imex99


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