I need help with my nephew

• baseball4

  

  Alright, I'm hoping nobody decides to mock this situation because if they knew what it felt like they'd never dream of doing something like that.
  
  I have a 9 year old nephew, my sister's ex-husband was semi abusive (both verbally and physically), and because of all of that my nephew has just lacked confidence. His self-esteem is sh*tty and he just isn't what I remember being like as a kid. He tends to stay away from people, but he doesn't really want to be like that because he's tired of being lonely.
  
  He has always had a connection with me and has always opened up to me. He has a tendency to tell everybody that nothing is wrong, but when I ask him he finally breaks down. So just tonight I ask him what's wrong (after he denies anything being wrong for the better part of an hour) and he breaks down. He tells me that nobody at school wants to be friends with him and he doesn't know what to do to make friends. I never had any issues with this, so naturally, I don't know exactly how to respond.
  
  I told him that kids only want to be around other happy kids. I tried telling him that he has to try to be happy and go out of his comfort zone from time to time to try to meet new people. I'm not exactly sure how to treat the situation, but it broke my heart. Watching your kids (or nephew in my case) cry over something like this is the worst. I can't come up with another time I've felt worse in my life.
  
  Any parents out there, or aunts or uncles that have dealt with this? What kind of advice do I give him?
  
  Thanks
• Sonofanump

  baseball4;935033 wrote:Alright, I'm hoping nobody decides to mock this situation because if they knew what it felt like they'd never dream of doing something like that.
  
  I have a 9 year old nephew, my sister's ex-husband was semi abusive (both verbally and physically), and because of all of that my nephew has just lacked confidence. His self-esteem is sh*tty and he just isn't what I remember being like as a kid. He tends to stay away from people, but he doesn't really want to be like that because he's tired of being lonely.
  
  He has always had a connection with me and has always opened up to me. He has a tendency to tell everybody that nothing is wrong, but when I ask him he finally breaks down. So just tonight I ask him what's wrong (after he denies anything being wrong for the better part of an hour) and he breaks down. He tells me that nobody at school wants to be friends with him and he doesn't know what to do to make friends. I never had any issues with this, so naturally, I don't know exactly how to respond.
  
  I told him that kids only want to be around other happy kids. I tried telling him that he has to try to be happy and go out of his comfort zone from time to time to try to meet new people. I'm not exactly sure how to treat the situation, but it broke my heart. Watching your kids (or nephew in my case) cry over something like this is the worst. I can't come up with another time I've felt worse in my life.
  
  Any parents out there, or aunts or uncles that have dealt with this? What kind of advice do I give him?
  
  Thanks

  What are his out of school activities? Sports, cub scouts, etc are great ways to make friends.
• baseball4

  

  He doesn't really do anything outside of school, but that is a great idea. He has little interest in sports. Which sucks for me because I coach the other nephew in baseball. He isn't involved in anything, but that may be the best idea for him.
• Ironman92

  

  Parent of two....one is an 8 year old boy and I teach elementary physical education and have lunch/recess duty every school day with 4th graders.....your advice is pretty good. There are kids with his interest somewhere around him. Cheering up is pretty key to help attract potential pals. One thing, kids that age are accepting of most things. If he were to step back, look around at maybe the two or three groups that interest him the most and just go quietly hang around them without interrupting their thoughts but listening....and then the next day bring in something that pertains to that and they'll take him right in....kids that age love crap....ball, match box, action figure or just crap toy from Kids Meal or Big Lots. Gotta change a touch.
• adog

  Not sure of your nephews interests except that you said he was not into sports. What about Scouting. I know several kids who lacked self confidence until they got involved with a scouting troop and after they accomplished a few goals (badges) their confidence level grew. Also do you hunt or fish? Take your nephew and after (if) he enjoys it, it will give him something to talk about around other kids. I am sure he will run into another kid or 2, that love to hunt/fish and when they hear him talking about it, they may want to go along next time.
• baseball4

  

  Yeah, as basic as your guys' ideas were they helped a lot. I don't know why I didn't think of these smalll things but I'll definitely try. I really need to snap him out of this. I mean, he's a little over weight and I think the kids call him fat and stuff at school. I'm sure you all know how relentless kids can be.
  
  I just need to get him doing something. I really appreciate you guys giving me suggestions. I'll have a talk with my sister and try to start getting him involved in some stuff!
• I Wear Pants

  What does the kid like? If you can find out something he's interested in maybe you can first, participate in that a little bit with him because he'd probably enjoy it. And second help him find other kids interested in the same thing.
  
  Situation sounds like it sucks, hopefully you're able to figure something out.
• Enforcer

  

  Get Him a Bow and teach Him to Shoot
• redstreak one

  

  I have had playground duty with 4th and 5th graders and let me tell you there is a bunch of things kids play. There were groups with cards of all sorts, others acting out wwe wrestling, kids reading in groups, tag, and other activities. Your advice about being outward is good, and the poser who talked about hanging around the fringe of groups also good. I hated seeing kids go through this.
  
  Our middle and jr high school has a mix it up day at school. They number the lunch tables and randomly assign the kids a number and they have to sit with kids they normally dont sit with. Its a great way for kids to interact that normally wouldnt.
• dlazz

  Buy the kid new shoes. I always envied kids with new shoes.
• power i

  

  Take him to do something fun (Magic Mountain, bowling, etc) and let him ask a friend. It's easier for some kids to form friendships one on one. Once he makes a couple friends, it will become easier for him and he'll feel more comfortable around others.
• dlazz

  power i;936327 wrote:Take him to do something fun (Magic Mountain, bowling, etc) and let him ask a friend. It's easier for some kids to form friendships one on one. Once he makes a couple friends, it will become easier for him and he'll feel more comfortable around others.

  I was always fond of laser tag.
  
  How old is the kid?
• Tiernan

  If your nephew isn't interested in sports what about community children's arts or theatre groups? You doing individual things with him like hunting & fishing are great and definitely continue doing those things but that's not what the real issue is...he says he wants friends (friends his own age) you need to find some type of age appropriate group setting that gives him any opportunity to participate on an equal basis (probably why he doesn't like sports). Some people I know think Scouting is a thing of the past but Cub Scouts is still a program that gives a 9 yr old a chance to have fun and learn life lessons at the same time. Good Luck man...you are a good Uncle to take this on.
• DeyDurkie5

  

  rip the bong
• sportsfan24

  

  Maybe next baseball season bring him along and let me help out. And on game days let him be a bat boy.
• Belly35

  

  Find that special interest he may have .. work on it, stimulate that interest that's a quick way of gaining confidence. Second look at the kid (what does he wear, what does he look like, does he have good personal hygiene clean hair, cloths, teeth) limitate those things that could provide other kids to make fun of or be a target for. Teach him some self defence and make it fun you may find he need that type of connection and confidence.
  
  Sport: Maybe the traditional sports and skill position are not his thing but field goal kicking could be however if he never tried a sport then he may not know if he would like it ot not. However their are other aspect of sport that he could take a interest in Scoring/ Statis, Sport Annoucing, Filming and Photography