Married Men: When did you know..

• HitsRus

  

  Tick tick tick....if she's over 25, you better figure it out fast....you've been with her over a year and a half, and you still don't know? I knew Mrs. Hits was the one when she went with me to opening day and sat the whole game with me out by the left field foul pole in sub 40 degree weather, and enjoyed it. Any woman who can do that is worth putting up with any of the other countless things that might annoy you over the course of a lifetime. No one is perfect, but is she perfect for you? Everyone is going to annoy you now and then. I know too many guys who lost really good women because they couldn't pull the trigger. From the day you get married, neither you nor your wife is going to remain the same. Marraige is an exercise in adaptation and working together thru life's tough punches.
  
  
  "If we were to be broken up, I don't think I'd be devastated"..."I think I'd be fine moving along". Those words said to her face could be cruel after a 19 month investment in a relationship. Ugh...maybe you're wasting her time....maybe she deserves more. Maybe she feels the same way. Maybe you should talk.
• O-Trap

  

  thePITman;863683 wrote:I will turn 25 at the end of this month, out of college for 3 1/2 years, in my own house, have had my career job for 3 years, a couple groups of good friends... She is 26 1/2, out of college for 2 years, nannying and working at a fitness place part time, lives with her sister (who is engaged & moving out in October), can't get along with her friends or family... I am an optimist and care-free, she is a pessimist and paranoid. We have lived exactly 1 hour from each other the whole time. We see each other almost exclusively on weekends.
  
  Those are some of our differences. But we have lots in common, too.
  
  We share the same Faith (for the most part), we both love sports (she's my partner for varsity football statistician, played tennis & soccer in college), we go to lots of Indians games, she loves my family and they love her (I don't really like hers), we're both cheap and low-maintenance, same tastes, etc. She treats me great, and she cares for me like I didn't expect.
  
  There's a reason we've been together a year and a half. Maybe she's the one, but I'm being too picky; and if I make that jump, I'll no longer be picky, but enjoy it. I dunno. I'm a technical, analytical person. When I bought an HD TV for my house, I stood and stared at the TV and those surrounding it for minutes after I knew I'd get it.
  
  I always want to quantify things. For her & our relationship I've tried making Pros v Cons charts to help rationalize one way or the other, to support some decision. Maybe it is just me, and I need to stop worrying... or maybe it is just me, and I need to wake up and realize that "I'd just know."
  
  A few years back I had two good friends, both of whom I had feelings for (mutual). Things fizzled during college days & after graduation. I knew as soon as both of them got engaged that I no longer believed "There is just ONE out there for you." Ever since, I've felt as if I'm settling.
  
  I'm so confused. My g/f has to find a place of her own in 2 months. She also applied for jobs in my area. If she gets one, she'd likely live w/ my parents (they offered). If she doesn't get one, she'll be on her own trying to pay rent w/o a "real job" (in her words), and unfortunately I'm not sure she can handle it. For the last few months I've had the end of August/mid-September set as a decision point, no turning back either way. But at the same time I don't want to rush one of the most important decisions.

  
  Honestly, if you worry about quantifying it, you will go MikeClark (read "crazy"). If you think you can make the choice to be with her forever, and you want to do so now, then go for it. Otherwise, hold off.
• thePITman

  

  HitsRus;863694 wrote:"If we were to be broken up, I don't think I'd be devastated"..."I think I'd be fine moving along". Those words said to her face could be cruel after a 19 month investment in a relationship. Ugh...maybe you're wasting her time....maybe she deserves more. Maybe she feels the same way. Maybe you should talk.

  
  That's the thing... I don't THINK I'd be devastated. And I feel bad saying that. But how do I know that isn't me just protecting myself from and/or preparing for something like that mentally? I'll never know until I make that decision, and that's what scares me. Maybe I'm suffering from the "grass is always greener" and "don't know what you've got til it is gone" diseases, and maybe I don't realize how good she really is!
• O-Trap

  

  Can you honestly say that you could make the decision to stay with her for the rest of your life, come hell or high water, for better or worse, etc.? If you don't know yet, then you're better off not committing to it, yet.
• mucalum49

  

  thePITman,
  
  I was in your same boat brother. I'm 25, she's 26. We dated for a year and I graduated from grad school and we moved to North Carolina. Things were great when we were living apart in Ohio but as soon as we got down here it's like a switch flipped. No longer outgoing, pessimistic, hard to get her motivated to find a job. Not only that but she'd belittle me and make me feel guilty because I had money saved up while she scraped by. I paid all our expenses for 4 months without any sign of appreciation. Just the phrase "you offered". I'm starting to sound bitter but basically I got to the point where I grew numb to it all. I went from having a good 2-3 week stretch and a bad 1-2 week stretch to just not caring anymore.
  
  I decided to end it a month ago. Since then I've gotten promoted, a great new apartment, spent time with friends and even had a few encounters with some random ladies. I guess in my case the grass is greener. Not saying it'd be the same for you. But if you do decide to stay with her for the long haul then hit me up, I'm trying to sell an engagement ring currently....
• stroups

  

  berry;863519 wrote:She taught elementary, and all her kids loved her. Just the thought of seeing her made me happy. One night I took her home, and her dad had locked the front door. We sneaked around back and tiptoed up the steps, and she kissed me on the deck. That pretty much settled the deal.

  
  I first read that as "she kissed me on the dick" lol
• majorspark

  

  I'll have been married for 19yrs in October. Marriage can be a blessing or a curse. You do well in not taking the decision lightly. Though my wife and I were looking at engagement rings and had one picked out her pregnancy caused me to propose at an earlier time than I likely would have. The burdens of life, marriage, children, can be tough. My wife and I have kept our vows though in difficult times thoughts of how things might be better on the other side have crept in. For my wife and I the years between 5 and 10 took a little more work. I was working hard to further my career and she was sacrificing to take care of the kids daily physical needs.
  
  You say you and your potential wife share the same faith. Is she willing to submit to your leadership? Are you willing to serve her? Are you willing to lay down your life for her? Can you both do this in all that life brings. Health issues, financial issues, sexual issues, etc.. Can you and your potential wife forsake all others of the opposite sex when confronting these issues? Nothing is sure in life. So there is always doubt. But if you have any serious reasons to reasonably doubt, I would advise not to make the commitment. I am thinking that is not where you are at. Keep in mind I only know you from posts. Its your call. I am sure you will make the right one and will honor it for as long as you live.
• tcarrier32

  

  stroups;863725 wrote:I first read that as "she kissed me on the dick" lol

  
  You gotta give it up for Oscar Wilde-like wordplay that good.
• Belly35

  

  You’ll know when the time comes but that still does not guarantee successful marriage.
  You know now but are delaying the issue with questions, what ifs and little hint of fear all natural emotions. Those same emotions will enter into your life later on (when to start a family, first kid and the second kid, buy a house, take a new job) same issue will present itself again and again. Are you “really ever ready” for those commitments? The answer is NO.
  Knowing helps but willing to take next step is a walk in “faith”. How much are you will to give, sacrifices, work at, commitment and mostly removal of that self-centered ego?
  Marriage, kids, homeowner it’s no longer about you it about all the other important things (things you agreed with commitment) that now surrounds you.
  
  What she has to know and understand is that this commitment takes two people and equals one relationship. She has to be willing to separate herself from the elements (so do you) that present difficulties and together you combined ideas for solutions with the commitment to each other. She not willing to do that and you’re not willing to commit to those guidelines then the answer is simple.
• Glory Days

  

  whats the longest you have spent with her at one time? have you spent a week on vacation with her etc. trying living together first would be my opinion(if thats an option).
• HitsRus

  

  Maybe I'm suffering from the "grass is always greener" and "don't know what you've got til it is gone" diseases, and maybe I don't realize how good she really is!

  I'm going to disagree with some here. A good marraige doesn't always have to spring from some great epiphany that "she's the one". Sometimes it just grows out of a good friendship. What's important is that your committed enough to each other to keep growing together. Only you and your partner can answer that. Like I said...maybe you should talk....it might give you a handle on that.
• LJ

  

  Glory Days;863776 wrote:whats the longest you have spent with her at one time? have you spent a week on vacation with her etc. trying living together first would be my opinion(if thats an option).

  
  A long road trip will tell you a lot. One of my ex's and I went on a long road trip, and a few hours in after she had tried to get me to stop at EVERY FUCKING ROADSIDE "attraction", I just knew it wouldn't work out. My wife on the other hand, can go from Columbus to Buffalo without even needing to pee.... we make excellent fucking time
• thePITman

  

  Glory Days;863776 wrote:whats the longest you have spent with her at one time? have you spent a week on vacation with her etc. trying living together first would be my opinion(if thats an option).

  
  We went on a 5-day trip to New York in April. It was a lot of fun! We drove, and we only stopped for gas once each way (so no roadside attractions like LJ referred to, Haha). There were many times walking around the city, though, where we did NOT get along. Everything I said brought about some kind of angry response from her, but I think it was because she was just frazzled/excited/nervous with all the people, etc. I just wanted to shut up and get to our next attraction and THEN talk to her, 'cuz the time in transit was not pleasurable. She lost her voice one of the days, and I remember the whole day being peaceful and a sigh of relief. Haha!
  
  Like I mentioned before, each of the last 2 years she's gone with me to the OHSAA state baseball tournament in Columbus, and she has a blast. We keep book for every game, and take turns every inning. So, those are really nice 3-4 days weekends together, watching 4 baseball games a day, sleep, and repeat!
  
  There have been other times when we spent 6 days in a row together with the way our work schedules worked out, and those were fun to spend a number of days together in a row instead of just the weekend.
• ts1227

  

  LJ;863785 wrote:A long road trip will tell you a lot. One of my ex's and I went on a long road trip, and a few hours in after she had tried to get me to stop at EVERY FUCKING ROADSIDE "attraction", I just knew it wouldn't work out. My wife on the other hand, can go from Columbus to Buffalo without even needing to pee.... we make excellent fucking time

  
  Lol, I learned a lot from my girlfriend and mine's 11 hour road trip to Jacksonville NC. Also, we did it with one food/piss stop and one gas stop.
• LJ

  

  ts1227;863801 wrote:Lol, I learned a lot from my girlfriend and mine's 11 hour road trip to Jacksonville NC. Also, we did it with one food/piss stop and one gas stop.

  
  Sounds like you made EXCELLENT time
  
  
• ts1227

  

  LJ;863804 wrote:Sounds like you made EXCELLENT time
  
  

  
  Cruise control set at 5 over, only 2 stops. Worked for both of us. My family would have stopped 2-3 times before they left Ohio, so it was nice. I hate stopping.
• OneBuckeye

  

  thePITman;863800 wrote:We went on a 5-day trip to New York in April. It was a lot of fun! We drove, and we only stopped for gas once each way (so no roadside attractions like LJ referred to, Haha). There were many times walking around the city, though, where we did NOT get along. Everything I said brought about some kind of angry response from her, but I think it was because she was just frazzled/excited/nervous with all the people, etc. I just wanted to shut up and get to our next attraction and THEN talk to her, 'cuz the time in transit was not pleasurable. She lost her voice one of the days, and I remember the whole day being peaceful and a sigh of relief. Haha!
  
  Like I mentioned before, each of the last 2 years she's gone with me to the OHSAA state baseball tournament in Columbus, and she has a blast. We keep book for every game, and take turns every inning. So, those are really nice 3-4 days weekends together, watching 4 baseball games a day, sleep, and repeat!
  
  There have been other times when we spent 6 days in a row together with the way our work schedules worked out, and those were fun to spend a number of days together in a row instead of just the weekend.

  Have her move in with you. You will find out in a month or so if she is the one. This is the only real way to find out if you don't know already. From the first paragraph I think you will find that she may not be.
• jmog

  Scarlet_Buckeye;863526 wrote:You just answered your own question. If you have to ask others / turn to the Chatter / she drives you insane a couple weeks / you could live without her, then it's probably a TERRIBLE decision to pop the big question.

  
  +1
  
  I honestly knew within an hour or so of talking to my wife. I popped the question after just a couple months and we were married 9 months later. We have now been married for 12 years.
• enigmaax

  There are really two questions you need to answer.
  
  1) Can you do without banging other chics for the rest of your life?
  2) Can you do enough to avoid punching her in the face when she pisses you off?
  
  If you don't mind giving up the strange FOREVER, that's cool. If you think you might want a few samples here and there, don't get hitched.
  
  

  thePITman;863428 wrote:Then for another couple weeks I cannot stand her, and everything she does annoys me to my breaking point.

  
  Here's what concerns me about point number 2. Where is your breaking point now? Because its going to get a lot closer once you realize you are locked into this shit for every single minute of the rest of your life. How do you deal with your breaking point? Do you feel like you want to punch her in the face? Or maybe, crush her bones, burn her body, and throw it in the river? Because once there is no other escape, these things become much more feasible solutions. And you don't want, you know, any trouble with cops........because they suck.
  
  But if you think you can handle that part, you can get through all the other shit.
• thePITman

  

  OneBuckeye;863816 wrote:Have her move in with you. You will find out in a month or so if she is the one. This is the only real way to find out if you don't know already.

  We both decided a long time ago we will not move in with each other before we get married or AT LEAST engaged, so that's not an option. However, I stay the night at her apartment most Sunday evenings, and she stays the night at my house sometimes, too... we've had full weekends together, full WEEKS together at times... I think we have a good idea how it would be if we lived together. I know exactly how she likes to maintain her living quarters, and she knows how I am with that stuff. Nothing real scary there. We're along the same lines, although she is a little more clean than me. Haha!
  
  In the end, I need to decide what's a "deal-breaker" and what can be worked out.
  
  And don't get me wrong... I am NOT unhappy with her. I am just not sure if I'm as happy as I should be with someone with whom I plan to spend the rest of my life.
• thavoice

  I knew pretty early on that she was the one.
  
  
  
  and wow what a mistake it has been.
• bigkahuna

  I met my wife online in February of 07 and had our 1st date at the end of March. We officially started dating in May. She broke up with me in October because I was still in college and needed to "grow up." Thanksgiving Day, she calls and says she wants me back because she realized that I was the one for her. I proposed in January of 08. We married in October of 09.
  
  This is going to sound dumb/cliche/corny/gay, but I knew that we'd eventually be together after that 1st month that we spent talking online/texting/phone calls. A few pictures were shared, but it was nice because I fell in love with her personality before I ever saw her in person. Pictures don't always do justice. I mean there was enough physical attraction to even talk to her, but the chemistry was pretty much perfect by the time we met face to face in that first date.
  
  I'll say to you that everyone has those times when they can't stand their significant other. Mine usually happens in the car (if it does happen) because I hear this..
  
  "You're driving to fast, it's only 65, and you're going 75." "Why isn't your seatbelt on? You're going to get a ticket." Although, we've had a blast in the 7 hour drive to Mackinaw City and the 12 hour drive to NYC.
  
  Between the 2 of us, I'm the laid back one, and she's the "paranoid, worry wart." It's actually nice because our interests and some characteristics are similar. The one's that aren't similar compliment each other and create balance in the relationship.
  
  I guess what I'm trying to say is, you'll know and don't be discouraged if you two have subtle differences because it will balance the relationship.
• bigkahuna

  thavoice;863847 wrote:I knew pretty early on that she was the one.
  
  
  
  and wow what a mistake it has been.

  
  I think we're starting to see that ha.
• O-Trap

  

  majorspark;863728 wrote: Marriage is a blessing and a curse.

  
  FIFY
  

  tcarrier32;863756 wrote:You gotta give it up ...

  
  She apparently did.
• password

  

  thePITman;863843 wrote:In the end, I need to decide what's a "deal-breaker" and what can be worked out.
  

  
  
  In the end it comes down to sex, can you be happy with one piece of ass for the rest of your life? Since you are talking marriage, You only have about 5 more years of sex with her anyway.