20 Ways To Tell If Your Teenage Daughter Is A Lesbian
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gorocks99
Good ol' Christwire, always good for the lulz:
http://christwire.org/2011/05/20-ways-to-tell-if-your-teenage-daughter-is-a-lesbian/
Has she recently taken up golf?
Golf is a great sport for men, with much history and prestige. This is why the feminist lesbians are trying to take it over. They want to best us on our own ground. This is ridiculous, as everyone knows the sport of kings must only be played by men. If your daughter asks you for money to hit the links, you can be assured that she has already been recruited by the lesbian evil and is now brainwashed almost beyond help. Take immediate action, lest you see your little girl grow up and turn into be a manbeast named Cookie.Does she use a Mac?
The entire operating system was meant to cater to the homogay culture in San Fransisco. There are even references hidden throughout, such as the use of the icon that shows two men kissing. They are then marketed to females with the express intent of making them believe all males are homogay and maybe what they really need is some dirty vagina to make them happy. Windows PC’s are manly, and show young girls that what they really need is a man. Make sure you only make computer purchases that run Bill Gate’s Godly software. -
Fab1b
Christ that is funny reading -
justincredible
lol, homogay culture. -
Fab1b
Well I guess us Mac users are gay or does that apply to guys as well?
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FatHobbit
Fab1b;764105 wrote:Well I guess us Mac users are gay or does that apply to guys as well?
Maybe you just need some dirty vagina? -
Fab4Runner
Lol lol. I should have given this to my Mom...maybe we would have known my sister was a big ol lesbian before she came out. She does like to golf and text a lot. -
gorocks99
Is she friends with Mexicans as well? Dead giveaway.
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justincredible
Fab1b;764105 wrote:Well I guess us Mac users are gay or does that apply to guys as well?
You are without a doubt a homogay. -
Iliketurtles
Hahah this is awesome one of the best things I've read in a while. -
Fab4Runner
Not really...but my bestie is a Mexican and we love to scissor.gorocks99;764112 wrote:Is she friends with Mexicans as well? Dead giveaway. -
ernest_t_bass
This makes 100% sense. -
Fab1b
justincredible;764119 wrote:You are without a doubt a homogay.
I know this, the Mac just confirmed it though
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Bigred1995
These are hilarious!!!Do you know the password to all her Internet accounts?
If not, then it is probably because she gets updates from gayteenforums.com (subsidiary of justincredible.com) on a regular basis. She also probably has a girlfriend she fornicates with in steamy cyber emails. A good Christian parent keeps a close eye on their child’s online activities, as it is the favorite medium for gays to penetrate your home and your daughter with their huge dildos and other foreign objects they use to satisfy their beaver-lust. Do not let your daughter have her own passwords. Choose them for her, and if she protests, show her what happens when homogays get AIDS. -
Thread Bomber
Actually you need a few things to find out.
A hammer
a saw
a barbie doll ( not a Ken doll you homo's )
a ladder
and a ball of twine.
Take the suspected female into a room with only these things and shut the door.
Come back in 20 minutes. If you look in and see her munchin a rug, She's a lesbian. -
Websurfinbird
At first I thought this was a joke until I read the website's mission statement:
Dear friends, we are living in cruel days. Evil hours. Yes, these are certainly dark times and it’s time for the moral majority to once again step forward to bring freedom and liberty to the world.
Our culture was built on the guiding principles of conservatism and Christianity, from which all morality is born. As such American heritage was meant to be passed on from generation to generation, ensuring that our principles…our values…were never compromised.
But alas, the Left Wing Conspiracy and Liberal Agenda is spreading like a plague not only through our fine society, but through lesser cultures as well. Their sinful antics and attempt to pass off their wanton carnal desires into mainstream culture is destroying society and mankind.
Together, in this community, you and your Moral Leaders will combat the evil liberals of this world and once again ensure that a bit of freedom and righteousness once again permeates every country, and let those who don’t abide by our teachings know the eternal pit of hellfire shall be awaiting!
Sincerely,
Jack Gould
Youth Pastor/Motivational Speaker
Langley CC -
Heretic
Hmmm...eternal pit of hellfire. After this last winter, that sounds almost heavenly! -
Iliketurtles
Well played. +1 to you.Heretic;764210 wrote:Hmmm...eternal pit of hellfire. After this last winter, that sounds almost heavenly! -
gorocks99
Websurfinbird;764209 wrote:At first I thought this was a joke until I read the website's mission statement:
Dear friends, we are living in cruel days. Evil hours. Yes, these are certainly dark times and it’s time for the moral majority to once again step forward to bring freedom and liberty to the world.
Our culture was built on the guiding principles of conservatism and Christianity, from which all morality is born. As such American heritage was meant to be passed on from generation to generation, ensuring that our principles…our values…were never compromised.
But alas, the Left Wing Conspiracy and Liberal Agenda is spreading like a plague not only through our fine society, but through lesser cultures as well. Their sinful antics and attempt to pass off their wanton carnal desires into mainstream culture is destroying society and mankind.
Together, in this community, you and your Moral Leaders will combat the evil liberals of this world and once again ensure that a bit of freedom and righteousness once again permeates every country, and let those who don’t abide by our teachings know the eternal pit of hellfire shall be awaiting!
Sincerely,
Jack Gould
Youth Pastor/Motivational Speaker
Langley CC
It's most definitely a satirical site. http://www.theatlanticwire.com/entertainment/2010/08/satirical-christian-site-hoodwinks-the-huffington-post/23306/
That letter is also comedy gold, however -
Websurfinbird
Websurfinbird;764209 wrote:At first I thought this was a joke until I read the website's mission statement:
Dear friends, we are living in cruel days. Evil hours. Yes, these are certainly dark times and it’s time for the moral majority to once again step forward to bring freedom and liberty to the world.
Our culture was built on the guiding principles of conservatism and Christianity, from which all morality is born. As such American heritage was meant to be passed on from generation to generation, ensuring that our principles…our values…were never compromised.
But alas, the Left Wing Conspiracy and Liberal Agenda is spreading like a plague not only through our fine society, but through lesser cultures as well. Their sinful antics and attempt to pass off their wanton carnal desires into mainstream culture is destroying society and mankind.
Together, in this community, you and your Moral Leaders will combat the evil liberals of this world and once again ensure that a bit of freedom and righteousness once again permeates every country, and let those who don’t abide by our teachings know the eternal pit of hellfire shall be awaiting!
Sincerely,
Jack Gould
Youth Pastor/Motivational Speaker
Langley CC
Hmm I just learned the whole website is satire. Doh!
But I can believe there are people who agree with it. -
osudarby08
This is hilarious -
gerb131
That was funny -
O-Trap
These are nothing short of amazing.
They also send graven images of chocolate covered dildos and fake detachable penises to each other regularly.
If anyone would actually think in these terms about their daughter, they're incestuous pedos.there are carpet munching hose beasts trying to steal your daughters sweet virgin cherry pie and replace it with the evil lesbian rhubarb.
"You keep your ugly lesbigay rhubarb away from my daughter's precious, delicate, sweet cherry pie virginity!"
We all know Ellen is a lesbian, and watching her show can make you homogay.If your daughter asks to go over to a friends house for the night, even with a parent present they will most likely find a way to suckle on each other’s milksacs.
I have now made it my mission this week to find a reason to use the term "beaver-lust" in a sentence.it is the favorite medium for gays to penetrate your home and your daughter with their huge dildos and other foreign objects they use to satisfy their beaver-lust.
maybe what they really need is some dirty vagina to make them happy.
In granny's defense, she hadn't gotten any in about 46 years.She may have lesbians sneaking in through the window and hiding under her bed sniffing her dirty underwear [...] One day his wife innocently walked in on it and herself became infected. By the time he arrived home from work the homogay had taken over his entire family, including his poor 80 year old mother.
Women with short hair either have cancer or are gay.
Electric toothbrushes are teh ghey. If you have one for her to use, then you've been infected.Do not even let these heathens in your home, for they will only steal your wife’s dirty underwear and sniff them later while using your electric toothbrush in ways you could have never imagined.
[...] and steal your credit cards for sex toy sin.Mostly because the men are too busy stealing to have sex with their wives. Satan comes in many colors and varieties, and this particular one likes tacos, burning candles, worshiping idols, driving crooked shaped cars, and homo-erotic fornication.This is when they are most likely to try and call you daughter to sneak out of the window for some homogay beaver eating. If you notice your phone ringing after 6 pm, and your daughter wanting to take the call in private, she is probably well on the road to becoming a homogay slut muncher.
Again ... incestuous pedo. Pedo Bear approves.If your little princess’s sweet untouched cherry has already been violated by little Johnny down the street, she will most likely be looking to give it to Jill next.
Just because ... that's awesome ...
Ever look at a banana at the supermarket and notice that part of it is a little sticky? Yep, that's right. Lesbojuice.You should probably also throw out all your bananas, as the lesbian liberal teachers at her school have no doubt given her ideas of how to use them for purposes of carnality and lust and they are already tainted with your daughters sticky lesbojuice.
Side note, why the hell does my spell-check not object to "lesbojuice?"
Servicing during service ... I sense a marketing pitch for this.[...] she will most likely give in to her lust and fornicate herself in the bathroom halfway through the service.
Gay is contagious and the only way to give your kids a chance at a happy productive life is too keep them away from it at all costs.
Beautiful.
Alright, all you OCers. Go out there and protect your daughter's sweet, delicate, pleasure cherries from the evil enormous chocolate dildos and lesbojuices! -
redstreak one
Hahahahahahahah, those are hilarious! -
O-Trap
Fab4Runner;764122 wrote:Not really...but my bestie is a Mexican and we love to scissor.
I think pics are in order. -
Red_Skin_Pride
Iliketurtles;764121 wrote:Hahah this is awesome one of the best things I've read in a while.
You should really check out the whole website. There is some FUNNY crap on there.